Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

@feistymumma if you feel it will help you, and lead to closure then do it, but do it for you, you had your reasons to finish it with him.

I also have another huge email to send to, but I havent sent it yet, I'm waiting for when the time is right, and I'm more of a sane mind lol

That’s good jonsnow, both on the counsellor and the festival. Make sure you have a fab time!

Yeah advice My mum was lovely the first couple of weeks, she’s a bit like ok pull your socks up now tho. My mum is not an emotional person, she’s not sure how she made me. I would cry when I was with A cos I was so happy, that’s how emotional I am!

@adviceformeplease Piss off mate indeed! Like he can't even just hand over some tickets like a normal person, what a waste of space!

Your all going to think I'm totally bat shit crazy now, I argue with him in my head (or please tell me I'm not the only one)

Oh you're definitely not, I have made so many scenarios in my head (including arguing!) It helps me cope somehow

I’ve chosen to start a gratitude journal this evening which I’m committed to using each day and writing down things I’m grateful for in my life and why and with feeling, got to flip the energy positive and that in turn will make me feel better and also change my mindset and reprogram my energy so I attract the best in life

@AdviceforMeplease our exes sound very similar! Mine never said I love you either but you just kinda assume they do. It just sucks when you have those kind of feelings which aren’t reciprocated 😓

I decided to get out and go for a walk this evening- bumped into a girl I hasn’t seen for ages who asked about me and my ex. I told her what had happened and she goes “well is there any wonder, look at the state of you”

Back to wallowing I’m self pity for me 😕

Mine never said I love you either! But I think it's more in actions than words, the coming to horse events in the cold and rain and taking photos for me, dealing with cleaning out the horsebox (which I didnt ask him to do, he'd just do it!) Painting my old horsebox and cleaning it up, making sure I got home safe if i dropped him off etc etc

singleediton what the fuck??? How horrible!

Mine told me he loved me loads. And he meant it when he said it. One of the ways I realised something was wrong was when he stopped saying it or saying it back when I said it (over text as didn’t see each other that last week). I ended up saying it loads trying to get him to say it back.

Yeah she was a girl who I met through my ex so I think she has her eyes on him..fair play to her but there’s no need to be a tool 😫

It amazes me how quickly men can fall out of love. Like all of a sudden it’s like poof all those feelings are gone. I still love my ex more than anything despite all the pain so I can’t comprehend how he can switch his feelings off just like that

@Jblue85 a gratitude journal is such a good idea! I might give that one a go!

Can I join? Late to the party. Broken up after 2 years and can't eat, upset stomach, terrified of the empty time stretching ahead.. It seems harder to get over the older you get. He turned nasty but am mourning the good side if that makes sense. Can't imagine ever getting over this..

Welcome Kumali

I wonder if I hated my ex for getting nasty, if that would make it easier. He was so kind and gentle about it all it makes me love him just the same.

People also have been saying it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. I disagree because obviously doesn’t feel like the wrong person! And how awful to be alone :-(

singleedition what on earth, who says that? What a horrible person. I’m sure she doesn’t know what she’s on about.

Next time you bump into her hopefully you’ll be in a stronger place and can tell her where to go! X

Struggling to sleep 😢

Single edition, it's weird isnt it how quickly men can just turn off their feelings. Like mine did a complete 180 from me to someone else he'd just met in an instant, who does that?!

In my experience it’s women who do the closing, I don’t think if the relationship meant anything to him he would of just gone off with someone else, there is obviously an underlying issue. Maybe he couldn’t be honest with his feelings, maybe he’s a narcissist who moves from one to another, draining people emotionally. Who knows, in my experience it’s the woman who can just turn off. I know I’m not perfect but my good qualities wayy out do the bad, In my next relationship I hope to have grown again so I’m a better person to be with. Women and men alike need to learn how to communicate though, my ex said she shouldn’t have to tell someone how to treat her, which is now meaning she thinks I should of spent more time with her if she was sick, maybe I could of made more of an effort but I also have two kids to think about at home so my time is limited. She could of said in a nice way, I want you to come and see me if you can coz I’m feeling that bad, but nothing until she feels she has to end it. Disregards all the good I do, how I have to mould myself into someone knew and learn about autism because her eldest lad has it, how I’m laid back and a calming nature in her life. Wasting my time writing this tho, if she doesn’t value me then what’s the point, I want to be in a relationship where I’m valued for the good I do, n if there is an issue to at least communicate that so we can resolve it. Another thing what is it with people these days having to label everything, kids especially now being labelled with adhd and other things when I think the majority are just kids from broken homes, they don’t want to conform to societies rules or just had a negative force in there lives. My ex without her knowing always talked about anxiety and being scared in front of her kids, all of them had fears and phobias, be careful how you condition your children, you can be the nicest parent but your words are powerful so choose your words carefully, who knows it may even change your mindset, everyone is afraid that’s life, you can be afraid and just do whatever is making you feel like that anyway, on the other side of that fear or anxiety is greatness

I think communication is definitely the key, I could communicate to him but he couldn't to me. I didn't know there was a problem as he never said.

I'm just really struggling today with the thought that he spent one day with this person and decided A. It was worth hurting me over and B. Worth ruining his relationship over. Awful :(

I just can't do "alone".. I honestly think that I tolerate anything just to have someone. I gave it my all and still it wasn't enough.. He finished it. I feel such an idiot

You need to be alone to grow, take up a new hobby and just fall in love with you, so you like actually being in your own company. When you love yourself as much as you can love another, that’s when the right person will come along. If you look for your self worth in another it’s going to be unbearable for the other person and they will eventually leave or it will become toxic. Honestly right down ten things a day you are grateful for, just ten, things that you may take for granted like having a home etc, try and put as much feeling as you can into it and your mindset will change, I’m wishing all the happiness on your journey

If he couldn’t communicate then there lyes the issue, it will probably be the same with his new partner, if he can not communicate then it’s never gonna be a healthy relationship. It should be happy not wondering what the other person is thinking or walking on eggshells. You have probably dodged a bullet, it’s gonna hurt tho it always does but that’s just your chemical brain craving happy chemicals coz your source has been removed, you will recover and you will get stronger and you will look back on this and be happy he left you, onwards and upwards

I've sent him a email, it wasnt a rant one, it was calm (although I did pause myself in it lol). I feel like a weight has been lifted, I did it for me more so than him, it was a closure. Am I still gutted about everything that has happened, course I am, I'm still hurting and my heart will take it's time to heal, but it will heal, like it will for all of us. I didnt sleep last night, still not really eating, but I know I will come out the other side of this, and when I do, I will be so much stronger, it's his loss and he didnt deserve me.

How is everyone else holding up?

Ugh I’m tired today, took me ages to get to sleep. But I’ve just realised, I didn’t cry yesterday. Welled up a few times but no actual crying, so that’s good. Still just constant feeling of sadness tho. Still really miss him.

It's been a week since he walked out on me and our son. I had a really hard day yesterday - cried for 2 hours. Just couldn't stop myself. Had to go to the bank to sort out finances and cried on a lady there. She was very helpful and sorted everything out for me.

Today I feel empty. There's this awful heavy feeling in my stomach. He's asked to have DS on Saturday and I'm dreading it. I won't stop him from seeing him but of course I'll have to deal with the fallout if DS gets confused/upset/whatever while he's with his dad.

Still no sign of AF so I'm still on tenterhooks there too...just feeling a bit shit overall

Still hurting, still sad, still wishing he was with me...the usual!