Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

Literally EVERYTHING reminds me of him too. Like I look at a food we would eat together or somewhere we would go or someone will say something that reminds me of him and it’s torture 😫

Oh I know! I’m always seeing memes and stuff I’d send to him or tag him in. We used to watch a YouTube channel together and I can’t watch it now.

I haven’t been back onto Netflix since we broke up because I know all the stuff we were half way through watching is gonna be on there

I’ve ran out of milk and literally just drove 45 minutes to go to a supermarket I’d never been to with him...I think I’m losing the plot

How can I date again when I just want him :( I hate what he's done to me but love him too.

Ah yeah, I don’t really have a choice in supermarket but does make me sad when I’m there...it’s like the ghosts of us are everywhere, can see them out the corner of my eye.

And yes to the Netflix!

Yup jonsnow it’s so hard! But remember, this is happening to all of us, we all keep going “OMG me too” because this is totally normal. And we will come out the other side, as hard as it is to imagine right now.

My appetite has def come back - not envy. Feel sick. Ate too much. Simple chicken soup for dinner!! I so don’t want to start bingeing.

Hi all, my background is I’m a single father of two boys who I have full time, they have no contact with there mum or her family. I have a supportive family, rent my own home and work full time and receive no financial help as I support us through my wages, so all in all doing well, kids are healthy and happy and that’s what’s most important to me.

Anyway, around a year ago I was looking for a potential partner on POF, luckily I met a local girl who seemed to have similar interests, has her own business and has 4 kids. 3 to one father and one to another, good mum and not an issue for me as I get on well with kids. There has been a few red flags during the relationship starting at Xmas, she offered to get my son a phone on finance as my credit score is low. I didn’t ask her to do this, she offered. This was around 3 weeks prior to Xmas, so I agreed and of course was willing to pay the monthly cost. About a week before Xmas she called to say the phone had arrived and she would keep it there so it would be a surprise. Now 3 days before Xmas I get a text saying she now didn’t want to give the phone to my son as she didn’t want to be financially responsible for 2 years for a phone in case we split up, I assured her I would still pay, as I wouldn’t put someone out of pocket, but thought that it was a strange thing to say considering we where getting on well, she was the one who offered and we had plans for all her kids and there 2 partners and my kids to come to mine for Xmas dinner and spend the day together. So I had to look over it and sort it out myself via a family member but there just seemed to be a total disregard for my son, which annoyed me and shocked me tbh. Anyway it’s difficult to see each other coz of all are commitments with works and kids etc.

So I recently invited her to a family 40th birthday camping trip, she refused and gave numerous excuses of which I found solutions to all except she was sick, however, the trip wasn’t for another week. I’ve noticed a few times when she has been invited out with either me or her friends she declines. She’s a pretty much closed book but has said she’s got anxiety and body issues which I’ve tried to help her with by complementing her, telling her I value her as a person and the whole package, I know she has 4 kids so stretch marks etc are just what make her more beautiful.

Now after she said she was sick and wouldn’t be able to go to the trip I said she was turning into her to mum (wrong of me to do but it’s frustrating) who has similar traits and was about to say you need to recognise this flaw and embrace the opportunity but she got aggressive and put the phone down.

We had plans that evening for me to go to her home and look after her as she was unwell. Due to the fact she put the phone down in the manner she did and on previous times when she’s behaved like this she will shut down and not have contact, I decided to go for lunch with a friend. I messaged her while I was out to see if she still wanted me to come to her home that evening, she declined the offer and told me to enjoy myself. So I stayed out and had a few more drinks and messaged her later on in the day saying we really need to iron out these issues because In a healthy relationship you have to work through stuff like this, she was cold in answer. So I’ve said this doesn’t seem to be working.

Sunday has arrived and she has decided to end the relationship which has happened a few times now, which is heartbreaking as I do value her and the relationship and I have also grew fond of the kids and vice versa. She has totally shut down to the point she told me to basically get some self respect because I was trying to find a solution instead of just ending it. She has had a traumatic childhood and does seem to just cut people off instead of finding solutions, I’ve repsected her decision and not contacted her since, just find it hard work that I’ve invested all this time and energy, she tells me how much she loves me and appreciates me and plus the fact we all get on considering how many kids we have between us the difference in ages and the fact her son has autism, an she just ends it with no contact and no resolution

Hi @Jblue85

Sorry to hear about everything you’ve been through! It’s awful when partners just cut you off without any closure- my ex did the same and it sucks. Especially when you invest so much time etc... into making them happy.

It’s hard to see the red flags when you’re in that relationship I think. Looking back I can see the red flags in my relationship too however it doesn’t make the pain hurt any less when it ends 😕

It’s tough. I’ve decided to try and look at the positive and see it as such, it wasn’t right for either of us, so at least this way it gives us both space alone to grow. That way if I become the one then I’ll be more likely replicate that in meeting the one

I managed to go swimming and shopping, I didnt cry whilst out, so that's a plus, but since I've got in, I've become angry and humiliated all over again, I've gone back to thinking about him being with her, whilst I was sat at home being a twat thinking everything was normal, when in fact I was the one looking stupid. I hate this feeling, I need it to go away!

I have just received a message from him "out on a jaunt today eh, looking good " WTF is that supposed to mean? I didnt see him

Ignore it!!

Things with us was so great, he’s so much fun to be around but he just didn’t share my feelings and I think just coasting with me waiting to feel something he just wasn’t. Either he def has commitment issues or he is “just not that in to me” it’s hard to comprehend with either excuse when it felt so real to me. I feel so alone. Normally this time of day I would start getting ready to see him and if not I would be texting him or calling him. I have no one to message now, no one who cares about my day, no one who’s investing in me. I’m so lonely already and it’s not even been a day.. how is that possible? What the hell have I done to deserve this or any of us. I wish I could just switch my emotions off and be numb to it. driving to my mums now just so I won’t be alone tonight. Can’t fucking cope with this. I bet he’s going out tonight knowing him, drink his troubles away.. breaks my heart to think he might be with someone else one day. I know it’s clesrly not meant to be but if it’s not why does it feel so horrible? I literally feel sick to my stomach. Finding this thread is a godsend to be honest. Feel sad that other people are struggling too but it’s also weirdly re assuring. I’m 30 with no kids but desperate for a family and someone to make a life with. Wanted it to be him and can’t imagine being with anyone else emotionally or physically 😰

singleedition I hear you! I can’t be in my own house with my own things. He would sleep in my dressing gown and conversations about the fan and his hair spray and the food we bought is in the fridge and all this shit that means nothing but all means something at the same time. So many memories. Bristol is just full of times with him and I just don’t want to be here without him

Advice I still feel that way 8 weeks on, I'm finding it very hard. Especially knowing he's with someone else, making plans and doing stuff. Keep crying today, just feel so shit. I want him more than anything.

Will catch up on latest replies but a random thought:

I keep getting flashbacks in my head of this thing we used to say. And apologies it’s cheesy but we were cuddled up in bed to think it’s acceptable. I’d say, will you love me forever? And he’d say yes. And I’d say do you promise? And he’d say yes I promise. Or we’d say something along those lines. But he didn’t love me forever, he only loved me for nine months. And I know he wasn’t lying, he meant it when he said it, but it didn’t turn out to be true. And so now I have to 1. Recover from the fact that the man I loved and genuinely thought would marry (not just imagination he actually said it) didn’t love me after all, and then when I recover from that heartbreak and find someone else, I’ve got to somehow trust that they won’t do the exact same thing and break my heart.

Sometimes we want what won’t be good for us, so the universe removes them. It’s tough coz we are emotional beings but you will get better and you will get stronger. You will look back on this and thank the universe that he has been removed and you will be happy for him. Try and see the lesson in it rather than the missing him. We are chemical beings so basically love is a release of endorphins and dopamine that we connect to another person or thing, when that’s gone we crave that thing like an addict. It’s not actually him that you want but the good feelings from the chemicals being released. Look up an app called Mend

I know your right Jblue85, I /we just need time to get there.

I also cant stand being in my house either at the moment, but I am finding I am also irritated by people irl (which I know is wrong, but I cant help it)

I did ignore his message

I do feel so lonely

herbs it’s dreadful to feel so deeply for someone and know that you’ll never know how they actually felt at the time. My guy wouldn’t say love you but I felt like he did,
Although clearly didn’t as wouldn’t be without me if he did. How can it feel that way and then end?

He was sometimes so passionate with me I have never had anything like it.
But I guess it was just sex to him.

I am really am enjoying being my most honest and pathetic self so openly on here without Criticism so thank you all for that.

Have downloaded the mend app (- thank you jblue) am also on third glass of wine at my mums whilst she hoovers as doesn’t know how to deal with my incessant sobbing.. happy days, loving life.

Yes feel free to ramble here as much as you want! Irl I’m getting on with things but it’s helped so much to just come on here and wallow and whine and just say whatever is in my head.

Altho today I’ve probably felt the best I’ve felt so far - I mean I feel sad as shit but still better. I know I’m not ok and will be crying again soon but I’m def getting there.

It’s good you’re getting on with things and keeping on with life. Irl we would probably really get on as usually I am the same! My mum has given me a talking to and weirdly feeling a little better at the moment so that’s good? Keep thinking about him though and tearing up but considering the circumstances I guess this is good. Also drinking my step dads wine now which he doesn’t usually share and looking forward to my 6am start.

People keep giving me super advice like, the man who will be right for me is waiting to find me... now I’m single it will mean I’m going to be available to meet the right person... or some shit. What the fuck do I need that for when I already met him he would just rather be sat alone in his flat than with me?

I've messaged a local councillor to see if they can fit me in, I think it will be good to try and sort the confusion.
I didn't like being in my house either until I painted my room, hallway and got a new sofa 😅 but I still have reminders everywhere, he was very generous so i have a lot of stuff from him.
I spoke to him again but purely on a practical level as I want to go to the festival if he's not, said he can leave them in a safe place and I'll collect (I wouldn't mind actually getting them from him but he wont, whether that's because he feels guilty or because he's worried I might jump him, who knows!) But it's ok, looking forward to going.

That’s really good johnsnow you should go to the fucking festival and get off your tits and have a great time and fuck him and his stupid self for being so stupid and passing up on someone that loved him like you did. Piss off mate!

Ok actually maybe am really drunk now

I am struggling today ladies. I have typed up a two pager I am thinking if sending to him. I know I shouldn't as it won't help anything but in essence when I ended it I just called him and said it wasn't working as I couldn't see where it was leading.

I am feeling that I owe him an explanation. What do you ladies think? I am worried that his response might be mean but on the other hand I would like him to know the reasons why I ended things.