Hi, sorry I couldn't really update last night. Yes, this is my first baby, so no kids have been observing my skivvying or his pissweaseling just yet.
When he got home last night I said we needed to talk and that the morning situation wasn't working, and really wouldn't work when the baby was here with me feeding him every hour or two all night.
I said that I wanted him to take responsibility for getting himself up and ready for work, and he said "right so I won't hear the alarm, and you'll just lie there and let me be late, thanks for caring, nice to know you give a shit"
He knows that's a crap argument because I'm a very caring person and if anything I do far too much for him. I told him this and he didn't argue back. I also said that the rest of the world gets themselves up and how did he get himself to work on time when he lived on his own? (he said he had three loud alarm clocks)
So I said he had two options, either we get a shakeawake vibrating alarm which he has under his pillow (and the radio set 10 mins later as a backup) and he gets up when they go off with no arguments, or I move into the spare room with the baby and he can have all the alarms he needs.
Fast forward to this morning (and bear in mind I have to get up as soon as the alarm goes off, my bladder just won't let me lie in) his alarm went off, so I gave him a poke and he got up, no argument or moaning. We came down, and since I was making coffee for myself, I asked him if he wanted any, but told him to make his own lunch which he did. I don't mind compromise, just don't want to skivvy around for him like an idiot while he lies in bed!
So that's the plan on that front anyway- in return for me ensuring he is up for work, he has to stop being nasty and sort himself out in the morning. Not perfect, but a big improvement!
We also discussed some other issues such as him calling me names/shouting/bashing stuff about, and I said it has to stop now or he'll make the baby scared of him, and I wouldn't let that happen. He looked half scornful ("I'm not scary, how could I scare him?") and half guilty, as if he'd only just realised it would scare a child, even if it didn't scare me (and sometimes it does)
He wasn't in the mood to listen to any more, so I tried to address the main issues, and haven't mentioned the housework/list idea just yet. I thought it might be better to leave it til he was in a more positive frame of mind. Pick your battles and all that!
Still, even if only those things improve, it'll make the atmosphere around here so much nicer.
Once again thanks everyone for your support and advice, it's appreciated.