Anyone up? Need a quick opinion on whether to let my dp sleep in and be late for work.... urgent!

[fedup1981]

My dp usually has to leave about 7am for work, he's lying in bed asleep. He can sleep through any alarm. I've called him and got an increasingly ratty response four times, and the last time was 6.35 and I said "I'm not calling you again, either get up now or lie there and be late, I don't care"

Normally I get up and start making him a coffee, breakfast and his sandwiches for the day, but he's gotten so used to me doing it (so he just has to roll out of bed and put clothes on) that now he sleeps for another 30-40 minutes while I stand downstairs fretting and trying to wake him up.

I haven't made his breakfast or lunch today because I feel like he's treating me like a mug.

Do I go and wake him up and possibly get a mouthful and him stomping around, or leave him to sleep and be late for work and possibly even more angry?

fedup1981,

It is HIS FAULY, you were kind enough to wake him once and in return for you kindness you had to put up with his piss poor attitude. Let him take responsibility for himself. He is not a child; he is an adult.

fedup1981,

It is HIS FAULY, you were kind enough to wake him once and in return for you kindness you had to put up with his piss poor attitude. Let him take responsibility for himself. He is not a child; he is an adult.

FAULT

Not only did I mis-spell it, I had to do it in capital letters

I've tried to get him up four times this morning. A persons patience wears thin!

I'm not good at acting strong, especially when I know it will lead to conflict. We've done nothing but row the past week or so, over stupid stuff like me asking him to do the hoovering, I'm just at the end of my tether with him. I thought he'd get more reposnible towards the end of the pregnancy, but he just seems to be reverting back to being a child himself.

Thank god you guys are here, I would have caved and woken him up ages ago.

Poor you Fedup1981

I kind of think that he should be getting up early and bringing you a cuppa actually.Being that you are having your baby really soon. What a lazy git. I think he probably does hear the alarms and can ignore them because he knows you will switch em off.

Wonder if he will ever wake up when your baby wakes for a feed?

Sorry to sound so harsh but he doesn't sound like he's taking care of you at all

If he goes nuts tell him to naff off!!!

fedup1981,

AND YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!! That man should be giving you a foot massage and pampering you. Pooey on him; what a stinker.

I think he doesn't expect to have to get up with the baby at all since I intend to breastfeed and he works. in fact I'm not expecting him to, I think assuming he will is just going to lead me into frustration, he'll just say he can't hear the baby. Him being a heavy sleeper works to his advantage all the time.

God knows what I'm supposed ot do if I've been up with the baby every two hours and his alarms are going off and he's not getting up.

Ooh, I think I just heard the bed creaking. he might be getting up. Gotta go.

Nope. I think he just turned over to get more comfy.

There's no point in expecting him to do anything nice for me during pregnancy, again I would just be letting myself in for frustration when he didn't do any of it. He's a minimal effort sort of man.

oh fedup

wish I could make it all better

Fedup1981,if he doesn't want to get up with the baby then fine,but i'd put him in another room so you are not disturbed with his many alarms. you will be knackered enough with bfing a new baby,

let us know how you are xx

Once the baby arrives your priorities will change so much. Getting him out of bad won't even feature on your radar.

i would be so effing pissed of by this stage i'd probably go in there with a chainsaw.

my dh used to give me tea in bed every morning when i was pregnant. you should be the one getting breakfast made for you. get this sorted out now is my advice, it'll get worse when the baby arrives.

i'd sit down tonight and list what you do, what he does and work out a good compromise. he'd better start growing up.

or print out this thread and show him.

go and give him a kick - say do you realise the time ? Say you tried to wake him a few times and then fell asleep yourself and have only just woken up.

And then say - when you get back we have to sort out a way of you getting up in the morning because once you are breast feeding you are sure as hell not going to be awake at the right time to be his alarm clock every day.

thanks Well, you have all made me steel myself for the onslaught, I'm not going to wake him up. I'm going to take piggy's advice and get comfy on the sofa. I'm tired too!

Work will probably ring him. He's goldenballs at work, can do no wrong, so he won't get in trouble really. He'll probably blame it on me anyway, say I've been having braxton hicks all night and he was worried.

(For worried, read "snoring")

Unless you want a life of being his mother, I advise that you draw a line now. Right now. Today.

If he abuses you because you won't be his mother, that says a lot about him. Is that the life you want?

My parents have been married for (not as long as they say they have, but that's another story...) years, anyway. Together for 35 years.

My mum does all the cleaning, runs round after my dad, makes the food, gets him drinks, puts his socks on for him.....

My dad sits (lays) on the sofa and asks my mum to get up - from the sofa - and fetch him

a drink
a sandwich
the telephone
the remote
a book
a tissue
etc
etc
etc

My mum does it. She's always done it. He expects it now.

He's a slob. His office at home (which my mum does not go into) is full of glasses with fag ash in them, about 20 at any one time. A dozen or so plates - from the food he has PHONED MY MUM FROM UPSTAIRS TO ASK FOR, A thick layer of fag ash on everything, mess everywhere (not to mention the cat shit)

Eventually, when he's no desk space left he brings the glasses/ashtrays and the plates/ashtrays down (shock horror) and leaves them on the side.

For my mum to wash.

When she moans, he does a bit. But he does it so badly that she has to redo it. Then he says when she next moans.....

But when I DO help, you only do it again, what's the point...

The only difference between him and your bloke, is that your bloke is verbally abusive, whereas my dad is mardy and puts on a whiney 4 yr old voice when asking mum to do something. It's pathetic.

I am more mad with her though.

Welcome to your future.

Fedup - good for you

As a contrast for you, my DH got up this morning at 5.45 for work, found his own clothes, got himself dressed, and took DD out of our bed (she joins us at about 4.45 every morning for a feed) and put her back in her cot so that I would spread out on the bed and go back to sleep (she is just stirring again now)

Really - he will need to help more

Jeeeesus mytwopenceworth, what makes some people think they can get away with that kind of stuff?

My dad always had mum waiting on him hand and foot but not as much as your parents (your poor mother!) and my sister does say I'm going to turn into her unless I curb it now, my oly question is HOW, because I find the shouting and banging about that ensues when I try to tackle these issues with dp unbearable and embarassing (he was bashing the hoover into next doors wall the other day in anger when I asked him to hoover up because I was busy doing 15 things and cooking before we had people round)

Wish there was a book on what is acceptable in a relationship, what is taking the piss, and how to reform a pisstaker!

I think you should just buy one of those toddler taming manuals. Your dh sounds like my toddlers when they don't get their own way.

Good luck for today - let us know how you are.

If he is like this now, what's he going to be like when baby is here?.

You may well end up living the life of a single parent even though he is around because you're doing it all and he is doing nothing.

You are not his second mother but he is treating you like such. And you to date have enabled him probably for a quieter life. A serious talk is in order.

By the way, I know what you mean about men doing jobs half arsed so you will have to do them again anyway. They'll wash up in cold dirty water with the wrong cloth, or hoover a small circle in the middle of the room, or dust vaguely around ornaments without picking them up etc

I knwo all these tricks well. They designed so you don't ask again. They think they're oh so clever. Doesn't there come a point in your life when you grow up and realise how crap and unhelpful you were to your Mum, and grow a conscience and be more responsible? Shouldn't that extend to your partner?

I sometimes wonder how my dp can happily sit on the sofa with a cup of tea and a pile of biscuits while I struggle round with washing and painting the bathroom myself at 9 months pregnant? I'm not asking to be pampered but it just feels so unequal. Can't help thinking if he was pregnant I'd be fussing over him.

You do need to sit down and have a serious chat with him. He is about to become a father. He needs to straighten up or ship out.

Do you have a spare bedroom? Move into it - say you are not sleeping well and don't want to disturb him. But if you are not there to switch off his alarms he will have to do it himself. And get himself up and out.

And then you need to give him some specific jobs to do. Just asking him to help out more won't work. So make certain things his responsibility.

My DH was never particularly hands on with DS at the baby stage - didn't change a nappy till DS was 20 months! - but he did lots of other stuff. Cooked. Shopped - especially all the big stuff so I didn't have to.

You deserve more.

Fedup

You need to become more assertive - your sister is right that you could end up turning into your own Mother who runs around after her own husband.

We also learn about relationships first and foremost from our own parents.

i'm so annoyed by this thread that i'm going to have a shower. oh , dh is downstairs feeding dd, as he does every morning, leaving me an hour or two free to do what i want. EVERY MORNING. he is a saint.

YOU DESERVE BETTER

My dp claims he doesn't notice that things need to be done and that I'm busying myself around him with baby/cooking/cleaning etc. Incredible as it sounds I think he's telling the truth. I think they just have a mental block on chores.