Does this count as having sex?

[siring1]

I really love DH but an not too keen on sex. We don't have PIV but I will give him a hand job if he wears a condom. We share wonderful intimacy and I happily indulge him in a few kinks he has.

I worry that I'm not doing enough though. He doesn't complain. Do I do enough to count as 'having sex'.

I assume what the OP is trying to ask is if it's a "sex life".

You go to bed, genital contact and orgasm - sex in my book.

Otherwise gay sex wouldn't count. I once knew a born again Christian who sword she was a virgin as she'd only had anal sex... privileging PIV as the only true form of sex is silly.

@MrsTerryPratchett

It is not homophobic to suggest that handjobs aren’t “having sex” when specifically discussing a heterosexual couple.

Sex between two women (or men) is different, obviously. But still sex.

I would not expect to have the same sort of sex with my male partner that I had with my previous female ones.

You go to bed, genital contact and orgasm - sex in my book.

So what happens if you dont go to bed? Is it not sex?

And the only genitals, here that have contact are his. From what I understand.

I dont agree that's sex.

But that's what the ops asked. For opinions, everyone can have different opinions.

Like pp, if I have someone a hand job, I wouldnt think of that person, as a person I had sex with.

Depends if you are both happy. If you are, then nothing else matters. Have you tried to get help to sort out your hormonal problem? Is it related to drive? Dryness? Because those things can be corrected. I do fear that this thread isn't the right place.

Sexual assault could be just touching, doesn't have to be piv.
Hand job obvs a sexual service, yes it's sex but that's not the point. Are you both happy with it?
If not maybe relationship counselling (not gp ffs) relate do sex therapy

Bizarre. Can't get past the condom thing. If you don't like semen just don't get it on your hands. It's relatively simple. Anyway, not sure a sexless marriage with a few hand jobs with a condom on can survive really. Unless he's as uninterested in sex as you.

You go to bed, genital contact and orgasm - sex in my book.

Not all women have orgasms each time, or ever. Some women never have one. I know a few who have had lots of sex but no orgasm ever.

But they are still having sex/

Does it matter to you what its labelled as?

What matters is whether you're both happy with it. And theres only two people in the world who can answer that.

If someone says they had sex then it means intercourse whereas you’d say you wanked him off.

Op
What do you get from this arrangement?

Are you happy?
Is your partner ?

That's what matters .

Its a sexual act, i wouldn't class it as sex.

And i would be miserable if that was the only "sex" i had.

The same to you really. The OP wants help, so people ask questions... stop calling them Sex Police and making out that they’re just nosy

Really? So the posts asking for details of the mentioned kinks are ... ok?

Looks like the OP has disappeared........

Maybe she's rubbing him sweetly through a particularly thick sheath

It sexual contact but doesn't sound like either of you are very fulfilled.

@simone1863
That made me laugh so hard. Is there a copyright on the ^^rubbing him sweetly? 🤣
No disrespect intended to OP

Would you be open to buying him a masturbator toy like a Fleshlight/Tenga/Pussy Pocket? It would give your wrists a rest & you could incorporate it into your play!

If he likes being bossed around/humiliation kink then he might quite like the denial aspect?

I wouldn’t do nothing about this though - a handjob with a condom sounds quite dreary & he could really do it himself without the condom !

Meh. I don’t count sex as just PIV - DH has spinal issues and I only come with hands/oral, so very often we will do that rather than PIV but we’d still call it sex as it’s intimate loving and results in orgasm etc. Technically it’s not intercourse though so I get why people are saying no.

You giving him a condommed hand job sounds different though. Are you getting any pleasure at all? With him or solo?!

I can’t imagine him being truly happy with it tbh but everyone’s different. Nobody can answer this for him or you.

PeglegAntoine, I don't think sex needs to be PIV either. I think especially within a loving, intimate relationship or even a more casual relationship where sexual connection is a big thing.

I think exploring and caressing each others bodies, being intimate, kissing, passionate etc and just playing around with each other can be sex too. If it's bonding time and you feel close afterwards and satisfied etc. then I would consider it to be sex.

It's probably more like sex in the context of a having a healthy 'sex' life then what some people do, standard missionary, no foreplay, no real connection etc.

user1481840227 I couldn't agree more.

Sexual intercourse is either PIV or anal, penetration basically. Sexual contact is hand job and oral.

I can’t believe you make him put a condom on for a hand job .

Sexual intercourse is either PIV or anal, penetration basically. Sexual contact is hand job and oral.

You say this like there's a rulebook.
Sexual relations can be anything the 2 people involved find mutually satisfying.
I hope the OP is able to talk with her partner to ensure they are both happy.

incrediblysadtoo Well done, the op did ask for opinions. On whether or not a handjob was sex. She didn't ask for a critique on her technique or her choice to use a condom. There are posters criticising her for disliking cum which is downright bizarre. It's incredibly sad that a woman is under scrutiny for not enjoying having cum on her, it's a separate thing to the ops question or else the thread would be 'Am I abnormal for disliking jizz?'. Oh and I won't stop with the comments because this is a forum

@mussolini9
You say this like there's a rulebook.
Sexual relations can be anything the 2 people involved find mutually satisfying

Which is it then? Sexual intercourse [which you quote from a PP] or sexual relations?

To most people they mean the same.

There is a rule book as far as the law is concerned.

If someone commits rape, or there has to be a definition of sexual intercourse between man and woman, it's penis in vagina.

That is what the law says. A rule.