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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

999 replies

JeSuisPrest · 23/07/2019 21:21

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

OP posts:
FMFL · 01/08/2019 22:57

@Ant I’m so glad you have had something positive from Miss H tonight.

Ginmel · 01/08/2019 23:01

Sooo pleased for you @Ant330

Lillyrose19 · 01/08/2019 23:03

@Ant330 that's great news. I bet you feel like a massive weight has been lifted! Shame you had to hold it for so long though!

Ant330 · 01/08/2019 23:19

Thank you, still plenty to talk about and work on but yes I'm really pleased.

imablackstarnotapopstar · 01/08/2019 23:39

CoffeeandChocolate my profile says No Tories/Ukippers/BXP 😁

CodLiverOil556 · 01/08/2019 23:55

Hey peeps! I've been off the radar for a bit due to dreadful PMT (TMI sorry!) so glad for you ant was hoping for positive news! Just goes to show the power of communication! As for MrT and I we're still going strong and he even bought me chocolate as I was a sobbing mess...he came to give me a cuddle and ended up staying the afternoon. Life's good for Kermit. Sorry everyone there's so many to name check and I haven't read the thread properly just yet!

Welcome newbies...the people on here are amazing! They know they're stuff!

Alislia17 · 02/08/2019 04:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
JeSuisPrest · 02/08/2019 05:01

@Ant330 That was a brilliant post to wake up to. I'm glad you got the apology you deserved. Sounds like she was self sabotaging all over the place.Roll on Saturday, I bet you just want to give each other a massive hug.

OP posts:
Strongtoday · 02/08/2019 05:50

Happy for you Ant!

My date with Mr P&D didn't do anything for me. He was very 'nice' so it was hard to break the news but I had to :(

Meanwhile, been having lots of fun with Mr Unserious via whatsapp, but he actually lives far away and just travels for work so I cant see it developing beyond the odd hook up if at all! Fun pal tho.

Notcoolmum · 02/08/2019 06:18

Hi ant I'm glad you spoke to Miss H on the phone and were able to clear some things up with each other. That's a really good sign. It was probably huge to Miss H to open up to you about her abusive relationship.

I had a phone interview with Monsieur Francais last night. He seems nice but quite intense.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 02/08/2019 07:35

Brilliant news Ant. Maybe there's something in that retrograde Mercury thing ...

EchoElephant · 02/08/2019 07:37

@Originallymeonly have you got another date arranged? It could be that he's chatting to others but not arranging anything. Or just keeping you interested while he looks at other options.
Either way it doesn't sound great but you can't really ask him at this early stage.
Maybe get the next date planned. Or ease back on the messages and see what happens.

@Ant330 that sounds really positive. Hope things get better from here.

Savoretti · 02/08/2019 08:13

Does anyone else get nervous after a few dates/weeks?
Been about a month with Mr Tri and I’m already feeling worried about ‘what if he gets bored?’ etc. I don’t want to overthink and I know I have to go with the flow but this is where I lose confidence in myself. I can ‘get’ them, but how do I hold on to them....

Original poster
JeSuisPrest · 02/08/2019 08:42

@Savoretti I would just say carry on being yourself. Anything else isn't sustainable long term. If that's not for him then at least he'll bail early, rather than you feeling you have to "put on a show", which quite frankly is exhausting.

Everything in moderation - the odd date out here and there, plenty of evenings in snuggled up, chatting, binge watching Netflix, a night away at a hotel, catching mice, walking the dogs, exes being twats and letting you down for childcare, real life has to get a look in sometimes - it's the "real life" stuff that makes you bond and when you see how the other person deals with things, that's when you can start thinking about whether you could have them in your life long term.

OP posts:
MyAppleTree · 02/08/2019 09:10

That’s such good advice JeSuis

CodLiverOil556 · 02/08/2019 09:17

@Savoretti I was getting worried about this with Mr T...turns out he's quite happy to sit and watch 'say yes to the dress' and we have a laugh critiquing the dresses! If it's right for both of you then it should be easy

CodLiverOil556 · 02/08/2019 09:23

@JeSuisPrest have PMed you

Savoretti · 02/08/2019 09:33

@JeSuisPrest thanks. Think that’s just what I needed to hear...
I want to be me, and if that doesn’t work then it’s not meant to be

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 02/08/2019 10:25

Ant glad you had a convo and you are feeling better.

So I had my date with Mr Scottish. We had a great laugh, he was very funny and we had lots in common. He was attractive but I didnt really fancy him. I have messed up though as I got a bit tipsy so we had some snogging.
Thing is he wont stop messaging me today. I have told him I am at work but my phone keeps pinging. It feels too much. I feel pressure to respond. He is too keen and I dont fancy him but it seems harsh to say that when we had a good laugh and a snog!

Ant330 · 02/08/2019 10:26

Well that was the best nights sleep I've had for a while!
Yes JeSuis I think you'd describe it as self sabotaging. She admitted not knowing how to deal with what was going on, didn't understand why she was so angry at me, couldn't cope with being so upset, knew she was hurting me in the process, so decided to bury her head in the sand and hoped it all went away.
To be fair I think she's had a pretty crappy week all round with not feeling well, stress with her arsehole of an ex who offers no support through the holidays and pays her diddly squat imo but expects his 3 kids to have nice new clothes when he takes them on holiday.
I've tried to stay quiet about what I think about him, but he really is a prize prick!
Anyway, as I said we're not out of the woods but are in agreement that we will be honest and immediately say when something is bothering either of us in the hope we don't have a repeat.
Looking forward to seeing her tomorrow, I've really missed her Smile
Kermit MrT sounds like a keeper Wink

Ant330 · 02/08/2019 10:30

Marlboro I would just be honest and say you "had a good time, he's a nice guy but unfortunately not for you. Thanks for a nice evening and good luck for the future."
He might be surprised and react badly, but you can block knowing you've been honest.
He sounds a bit too full on and not respectful of boundaries if you've told him you're at work and he's still bombarding you.

kerkyra · 02/08/2019 10:37

marl he sounds far too intense. And probably thinks all his christmases have come at once.If you cant see it going anywhere you're going to just have to tell him. This is the hard part of dating and what puts me off! Maybe be kind and say it's all going too fast and you need time to reflect and you will be in touch. Or just be honest and say you got carried away and realised today something is missing but all the best?

Marlboroandmalbec34 · 02/08/2019 10:48

Thanks guys. I hate this bit. I am a people pleaser by nature so really struggle to let people down. His messages are really nice. " morning baby" "you are so beautiful inside and out" "wow you are so cool, I think you're awesome" etc etc. It really just feels far too much too soon. We are strangers really!! Feels like love bombing.

In amongst them I just got one message from Mr Big "Can't wait to see you tonight hot stuff" now that makes me swoon!

kerkyra · 02/08/2019 11:07

I would just say ' you're great and I enjoyed meeting you but realised I'm not ready to date and sorry for leading you on'. Which I've txt a few times to people in the past. I take all the blame that way and it doesnt leave them thinking they've done something wrong. I probably have this completely wrong but it has worked Blush

LilyRose88 · 02/08/2019 11:07

Ant I am so glad to hear that you had a good conversation with Miss H and that you are feeling better about things.

JeSuis good advice about dating. Mr Yoga didn't really fit into my life very well and he certainly didn't want to do any of those things. I was so pleased that I had finally met someone that I found attractive who had similar political views to me and was good company that I overlooked the fact that actually he just love-bombed me into sleeping with him, and then dumped me when I started to (a) suggest dates that weren't all about sex and (b) refused to do some of the things that he wanted me to do sexually. I should have realised that he was just after one thing when the only TV programme he wanted to watch with me was Naked Attraction! Another lesson learned.

Marlboro I am a people pleaser too and used to end up going on second dates with guys I didn't fancy. I now send the sort of message that Ant suggested above.