Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@ohhahhh789 yeah I’m the same re the contact dropping off thing. I think even a text a day is enough to tide me over, don’t need to be in constant contact! I’m not sure if I should just drop him (Mr D) a message or hold back and see if he gets in touch, or just take the hint that he’s just not that into it (which is hard because we seem to have such a nice time). I think I ought to reread rules 3 and 4 again

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I suppose I could ask Mr D but no idea when we’re seeing each other next and don’t want to frighten him away! I have another iron (Mr G) who is lots of fun but we don’t quite have the same connection and he helps to keep me from being overinvested in Mr D which I totally am at the minute 🙈 I think I’m going to send Mr D a breezy message asking how he’s doing

@AverageGuy I do wonder if Mr D is just looking for a fwb which would suck because I could actually see it going somewhere!!

@ohhahhh789 sorry to hear that! How long has it been since you heard from him? Maybe hold off for a bit and see if he gets back to you if it’s been a while? I think you sound a bit like me re the anxiety when waiting for a text if he does reply I’d play it cool and keep yourself busy so you don’t get too overinvested - easier said than done!!

Good advice about compliments starryunicorn I hate them but I have told Mr R I find them embarrassing and just thank him when he gives them and attempt to give them back. I am think I'm finding both of those things easier.

sofato5miles well done. Any decent bloke would just back off if we said we didn't like something and wait until we're ready (and accept that we might never be into some things).

@shitwithsugaron For once I disagree with @ant330. Surely if you said you weren't staying over because of a comment he had made he should have acknowledged it and said he hadn't meant it or apologised. I see this as like when a toddler says they don't want something (that they do) you have to train them in consequences! But my advice and uncompromising approach could be why I am bad at relationships.

Hi all
I'm not doing very well in this dating game. I never heard back from Mr dadbod after saying I'd be happy seeing him once a week and maybe he would be free at the end of the week. That was more than two weeks ago!?
I had a first date with Mr pogue at the weekend and it went well. He said he liked me and sent the odd( rather dull) text everyday since but nothing about a second date. So that's sort of died a death. I think he was probably a bit too quiet for me looking back. Very sensible and didnt laugh a hugh lot,but I liked the fact he was a teacher and his DC were similar age to my DS.
Chatted to someone on pof last night but he hasn't asked me one question so not for me

I did have a laugh with one guy,said he should have more pics on his pof than one or else women would think he's either married or some model off the internet ,( and it wasnt a good pic either! Ofcourse I didnt say that)So he uploaded more for me to vet and I chose some for him. He's messaged to say he's getting more interest! Some men just are clueless alot of the time ( obviously not the men on here).
Hoping everyone gets some good luck this week

Good advice Stealth I think I've amply demonstrated that I'm too soft 😂 so you're probably right.

@ohhahhh789 Did you 2 meet in person?

@oohahh789 @pumpkin33 it's really hard to give general advice as there's a million reasons why these guys haven't messaged you. They might be wankers, they might not.

From my own experience Mr R used to go quiet and I used to feel insecure freak out. In the end I always assumed he was a good bloke and there was a 'good reason' and messaged and we'd resume messaging. I've said it a few times but it took me maybe 7 or 8 weeks to learn about his lifestyle and habits to realise why his text behaviour was as it was really shit. For example if he had 2 or 3 long days at work he might have a long nap at home and then reply to messages at 2am while I'd be incorrectly assuming he'd been on a date or something.

@ohhahhh789 unfortunately that's the nature of old. Ghosting is really when you've been in a relationship with someone and they just want stop talking. Doesn't make it much right but it happens and you'll probably do the same to me people at some point.

Although I really like Mr C. it seems he's more interested in talking to others at the moment so I've told him I'm stepping back.

Mr H isn't around for a few weeks so am in danger of becoming wank fodder. Not going to let that happen.

I also have a Mr B but I'm not sure if we are right for each other. We'll see..

@ant330 not so sure who's right - I am making this up as I go along! I guess @shitwithsugaron will come back and tell us. And good luck tomorrow @ant330. I'm still hoping that she realises how she's treated you, apologises profusely and starts working on herself with a view to you getting back on track but on a more equitable, communicative basis.

@kerkyra I'm sorry you haven't had much luck. What is it with these boring men who don't ask questions? And I laughed at you giving photo advice to a guy. Mr R's photos weren't very flattering but I never told him because I didn't want him to look more attractive to other women!

Ex has been in charge 2 days and my daughter is now in a and e- suspected broken shoulder. Trying to stay calm

No we hadn't met yet. It hadn't been that long since he last text, I suppose I get worked up about patterns of behaviour and when someone does something they don't normally do I read lots into it!! He normally texts in an evening but last night read my text at 6:30 and didn't text back all evening which isn't like him. I've just had a text from him today mentioning nothing about the absence so not sure whether to ignore it as it wasn't really that long, make a joke of it or to leave it be as is it really going to work if our communication styles are different.

ccgirr oh no! what happened?

@ohhahhh789 yeah dont take it personally. In the pre meet texting stage people go awol all the time and not just because they have so many dates and they're not into you. The amount of times I was on tinder chatting away to someone and then disappeared because someone came back into my life or work got in the way or someone I'd already met arranged another date. The rules above are right - don't take any of it personally, it's usually always about that person and their particular situation. Dont put all your eggs in one basket in the texting stage. Reach out to other people. Dont invest early on

@ohhahhh789 sorry I assumed you'd met. I think you're over investing so just relax. If you ask why he vanished you'll look needy.

@ccgirr I am sorry to hear that, I hope she's OK.

@ccgirr oh no! That's a horrible joint to break. How old is your daughter? Hope she's OK

I know I'm bad at over investing... I suppose I feel like I had started to let my guard down. I've been back online about a month and this is the nearest I've come to a date, I think because the guard is so far up!!

If I mentioned the absence I'd have only done it in a joking way. Not sure what I'll do... probably need to keep at it but take a step back again and take it with a pinch of salt.

FFS. There's adult filter is blocking fab all of a sudden. I really dont feel like calling them to ask them to remove it and the online setting seems broken. Maybe it's a sign I need to take a break for a few hours bit

Can I join in? Not ready to date (very recently split) but I like reading your updates.
I've been getting messages from an old colleague who heard the news. I'm chatting because he's nice but holding a little at arms length.
Would love another perspective on some of the chats tho

It'd sound like you don't have much of an active life if you commented on not having a reply one night @ohhahhh789. Sorry to be blunt

ginmel TMI, but I use my phone to browse Fab . The website is pretty good on a phone, and no adult filters...

If that's the usual pattern then I don't have much of a problem but when it's out of the ordinary I do read into things.

Thanks stealth, I think it could be that I know what I want finally and not going to settle. A year ago I was having first dates left right and centre and wanting to settle down badly,but now I'm pretty sorted being single but still want someone long term but in no big rush.
I miss a relationship and wish I could skip the first six months of dating and just be settled!!

ohhah try and get a meet in asap once you like an iron. Or else you're building a picture of a fantasy man. I know it's hard but a two day chat is my max now.
I even have on my profile( at the moment,as i do change it regularly) I'm not giving my number out before a meet,but if we do and get on,sure. No one has questioned this and it does stop me over investing and waiting for the morning gorgeous texts I may get from randoms

That was a typo. It's 3 as in the mobile network provider. Grrr

Yes I completely agree with meeting quickly. I do like to establish some communication though so for me I like to meet after around 5-7 days but it hasn't been possible due to us both having our kids for the first 5 days then me being away sat-Tuesday. I feel like it's crunch time though now though....