Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@Lillyrose19 Fairly regularly, his ears are damp due to his aids, so he is prone to them. Luckily he hasn’t had a bad one in a while.

Hi pumpkin 33! Unfortunately I can't help by telling you what is going on in a mans head as who knows!! This behaviour does seem quite common with OLD...I think a lot of men like the chase and initial excitement of meeting someone but get bored once that part is done and move on..... seeking that initial excitement probably coming back to you at times when they aren't getting that rush anywhere else.
What I've realised over the years is that texting is really important to me and if it fails off in the early days then we aren't compatible as it will constantly leave me feeling anxious and I won't be happy!! Hope I helped!!

@SimonJT oh the banana medicine. Lucky he takes it. My LO refuses to the point of puking it straight back up again. Earache is the worst though.

Currently bickering over tindergate with mr u

My date with Mr Skinny went well, he told me that he really likes me. I’m worried that I come across a bit cold and that might eventually scare him off. I struggle to let people to close (emotionally) because of my past. I have put myself in dangerous positions with men in the past but probably because I feel like I’m damaged goods that no one will want a relationship with. I find it hard to take complements and I find it hard to respond to them . I don’t want to mess this one up but I don’t want to allow myself to let my guard down either.

Peanut I thought he'd deleted his account for marketing and admitted you were right?

@Lovemusic33 are you me? I’m struggling with Mr Bucket...he’s been quiet but I’ve been making it worse I think...like I think he’s just going to get bored and I’ll get hurt again and so guard really has gone up. I’m very bad for sabotaging relationships even before they bloody start. I’ve been really bloody difficult to talk to properly tonight and I reckon I’ve fucked it up, and that makes me go on the defensive even more. Aargh.

Right now I just want to delete his number before he ghosts me and forget about the whole thing. I don’t think I’m in a good place at the moment really.

I find it hard to take complements and I find it hard to respond to them

This is something that I am trying to overcome, in the past I always deflected or minimised, I came to understand that this disregards other people's opinions and feelings, pushing them away.

I am trying "fake it till you make it": look them straight in the eye, smile, and say thank you, try to add an admission such as "I worked really hard on it" or a reflective compliment "I like yours too"

I am finding that it gets easier, as repeated positive experiences eventually start to chip away at the anxiety that jumps up when complemented. Also having a fixed strategy in place helps with thinking of something to say.

Ah simon ear infections suck! Poor MiniSJT!

starrry great advice re compliments

pumpkin we obvs don't know what he’s thinking. Could you ask him if you are exclusive since you are dtd with him?

peanuts 🙈 tindergate!

Glad it went well love

FMFL still hard isn’t it? Mr Skinny is quite quiet too, until last night he hadn’t really paid me any complements, he seems a little bit shy and so am I so it felt a bit awkward. I felt a bit like a nervous teenager but excited at the same time. I’m just worried he will think my reactions are odd, I really like him but I’m scared to admit it to him as I feel I’m letting my barriers down and opening myself up to getting hurt. He seems really nice but I know it’s early days, so far there are no red (or amber) flags. I won’t see him now until next week as I’m off camping with the dc on Friday for a few days.

FMFL and Lovemusic33 I am so similar to you both. I can come across as a bit distant and I struggle to let people close emotionally. For some reason I do seem to get taken in by love-bombing though - no idea why but it has happened to me twice since I have been OLD.

I don't have any great words of wisdom but StarryUnicorn's advice sounds good, so I will try it if/when I get another date.

Fmfl and lovemusic I do it too I think it’s a self preservation. Can’t get hurt as much if build barrier. If I feel iron is busy I just withdraw. Struggling being off and child free and he’s so busy with work. He’s playing football later and said he’d see me after and I was like okay you’ll prob be too tired though.
Ant- good luck I thought it was tomorrow though?!
Shit- don’t take more shit!!!

It's tomorrow night shitwith but thank you.

So, I failed the telephone interview with Miss Small. She has decided not to take things further… .

Nothing back from Miss BA, but I didn’t expect anything.

Back to the apps!

pumpkin maybe he just sees you as a fwb?

Simon that sucks... I'm currently suffering with blocked ears.. Good luck with the banana medicine...

I'm with those that struggle with accepting compliments, and that go quiet when I can't cope with a situation... to you all..

@AverageGuy I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like she was a little unreliable anyway.
This is why I won't do a phone 'interview' before I meet someone. I don't find speaking on the phone that easy and would much rather meet in person to get an idea of them and them of me than an awkward phone conversation with someone you don't know.

Shitwith I know it's difficult to do, but back down and tell him you were being daft because of his thoughtless comment the other day. He wants you to stay and you want to, that's all that matters.

sunshine thanks. tbh, I think the presence of a six month old didn't help. I think she is looking for a father for him (understandably), and I'm too old to start that again...

averageguy I know it's hard not to but I wouldn't take your post-interview rejection personally. It's much more likely to be her realising that her situation - trying to date while in sole charge of a tiny grandchild shortly after death of own child - is untenable. Poor woman. Onwards and upwards.

Well, my Italian is batshit. I shot down an attempt at sexting after taking on board the advice on boundaries from you lot chatting. Just said I needed more time to know more about him and trust him. Met him off tinder, once for fuck's sake.

He accused me of being controlling . Think he is hiding something.

So deleted and blocked!

Cassettes - I know. I really feel for her.

Nothing in her life can be easy right now.

I'm ok with it.

so I will try it if/when I get another date.

Lilyrose88 I have a problem with complements from anyone for any reason, if you are as bad as me then I don't recommend trying it out on a first date .

The first few times I tried were a little overwhelming, it still is a bit.

So it looks like I've been ghosted by Mr 50 miles. I just don't get it?? All seemed to be going well, lots of chat, a bit of flirting, I start to let my guard down and bam!! There he goes!! I'm thinking he maybe went on a date last night and that's why I've heard nothing. I usually get a text around 1 then this evening... if nothing then I know I'm well and truly ghosted... if he does I'm not sure how best to respond? Do I mention the absence? Do I play it cool? Do I just ignore him and move on?