Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

And anyone who remembers this when we split up please feel free to remind me about it. He is emotionally useless. But that suits me currently.

Hello I'm a newbie - I've been single a staggering 5 years! Perhaps I should make an effort! Which dating site do you recommend?

Wow what a few days catch up it’s been on here. Seems things go in waves
@Ant330 hope you manage to meet MissH and talk things through even if it’s just for closure. Seems like she has been mighty unfair, esp given how close you have both been. As @Peanuthedz said, and @richdeniro found out, the 3 month point seems to be a critical point.

Mr Tri and I had a great weekend together. It was my first mini triathlon too. I knew it was going to be fun, and I loved it but my god was it tough! And that was only a short one. Mr Tri did a long version and smashed it of course. But I was pleased just to complete....
But spending the weekend together was lush as we don’t get a lot of time without my kids so we made the most of that too.
Not sure long term how things will pan out but am trying not to overthink and just enjoy things as they aware. That in itself is a massive step forward for me

@imablackstarnotapopstar welcome!
I’d say Tinder.
Most people are on multi sites so you tend to see the same ones anyway, but at least on Tinder you have to match before they can message you....

Hello everyone! Goodness a lot has happened @Ant330 just caught up and I'm really sorry and hope you and MissH can sort it out. Can't name everyone as I've taken some painkillers and am off my face. @imablackstarnotapopstar I met my current beau on OKCupid and we're 6 weeks in and going strong! Yesterday we got a tiny bump in the road as his mums death is catching up with him. I want to help him through but have no proper experience. Nearly dropped the L work whilst DTD tonight

@Peanuthedz that would be a whole lot of nope for me. What type of business means selling to women on dating apps?! One of the (many) ethical problems I would have with that is that he is presumably matching with them as him and later selling, so it's misleading women into thinking they've matched with a real interested single guy. No no nopety nope.

I just can't get my head around that @peanuthedz It says a lot about how he is willing to treat women for the sake of himself and his business. I know you've done a lot for him too. I really hope he's just not using you too. Could he be on any other apps or sites?

Well don't people seem to be dicks at the moment!

I'm kind of glad I am on holiday as there seems to be something in the air at the moment so I'm better off away from Mr SAS! I spoke to him on the phone last night, which was lovely and just hope that absence makes the heart grow fonder for him, not out of sight...

I'm going to keep working on my tan to impress him with when I get home 😁

@Peanuthedz wow that is low.
New week, new start. This made me smile

Sorry to hear so many people are struggling at the moment.

I think I've blown it with Mr 4 dates. I asked why his location had changed a couple of times on Tinder. It had changed a lot but I didn't want to mention that.
He said that his last relationship ended because he spent too much time with her and not with his family. He isn't seeing anyone else. But he needs to take his time to see how things develop between us.
He didn't answer my question about why his tinder location had changed.

It also turns out he didn't spend all his weekend with his family as he said he was. But apart from a brief message on Saturday morning, I heard nothing from him until I asked my tinder question yesterday evening.

Peanut no it's only 2 months but we've probably packed at least 3 months of dates compared to most into that.
I got another "sorry I'm quiet x" message last night, but I"ve decided that if she's still reluctant to meet tomorrow night (both child free) then I'll end it. If she's still stewing on it one week later then it's too big an issue for her imo. As patient as I've tried to be it's becoming too big an issue for me now as well.
I would also struggle with the ethics of MrU and his behaviour yesterday, but perhaps he's just reinforcing why he has his nickname and suits you for right now?

Fingers crossed for you @Ant330

@Ant330 I think I'd agree because then she is clearly feeling it's a bigger issue to her than you'd hoped. I'm sure if you do suggest ending it, she will come around quickly and start talking.

Glad to see some people are doing well here and hope those having blips get through it quickly.

I haven't posted in a while, I've been seeing my FWB exclusively since March this year and am extremely happy. I wouldn't call it a normal relationship in the sense not thinking about meeting friends or children any time soon. That said, we see each other regularly, its completely angst free and seems to suit us both very well. I haven't been happier in years.

Yes Mr U's mindset is completely alien to me too. Thing is he's desperate to get business anyway he can. I'm not sure I'll get over this one. One of the things I like about him is he is so utterly different to me and everyone I know. I know so many liberal middle class PC men who treat actual women like shit. Mr U has questionable views sometimes but he has so many women friends and he does so much for them. He's very kind but very unwoke. He's also Greek. I'm not defending him here. It's a big thing for him to not do this for our relationship but I'm not sure I'll get over it. He's not a partner though or he'd be out the door. He is so emotionally stunted.

@Ant330 it doesn't sound good does it? At least you're getting fed up with it rather than pining.

Sorry @peanuthedz but he's playing with women's hearts and minds to get business. That's beyond desperate. He could speaking to any one of us and he's lucky women haven't cottoned on and reported him to the site. He'd be banned immediately.

Anyhow I'll get off my high horse now. It touched a nerve 📴

I agree @Ginmel I've told him that. It's low. He's thoughtless. He was only doing it for about 3 days though so I doubt he broke too many hearts. And yes he would have been reported quite quickly but I wanted him to stop doing it if his own accord. Which he did.

Feels like there's something in the water with all these bumps in the road. Big hugs to you all whether you're finishing things on your terms or being faded. It's not easy being in either side of it when things end.

@Ant330 She sounds incredibly insecure and that's coming from me - the Queen of Fucking Neediness. Even I recognise sticking your head in the sand is not a longterm solution - I'd say tonight is going to make or break for you if it's your only chance to talk. If you really want things to move forward I think you need to tell her that whilst past experiences may have made her feel the way she does, she needs to allow you the opportunity to resolve things in your way, not the way her ex would. Tell her you like to talk things through and both be happy with the outcome, and that the silent treatment or very sporadic messaging just makes you feel like crap, like she's punishing you, when all you really want to do is give her a massive hug and tell her how much you care about her, but you can't do those things if she's retreating into her shell.🤷🏻‍♀️

@FMFL I completely get you with the online thing, but I also use it for calls so may appear to be online for an hour, but I'm just gassing with my sis.

Bit of a miscommunication with MrC last night - he thought we were spending the day together as I've got the day off, I'm actually on mum duty and had to leave his at 7.30am. He was OK but disappointed and said he shouldn't have assumed (though we do normally spend any childfree days we have together), I apologised for not being clear - seems all we do is apologise to each other for fear of upsetting the other one! I left him a note in the shower screen "I ❤ U", so he would see it in the condensation when he showered. When I got home I had a WhatsApp "I got your message 🥰😘" Yeah, I'm a soppy cow 😂

Insecurity is such a funny thing. @JeSuisPrest you're clearly gorgeous (we've seen the pix!) funny, clever, successful.... you have absolutely no reason to be insecure. Mr C clearly dotes on you even if he won't label it love. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was really insecure til my late 40s. Now I don't give a shit mostly. Although (lightbulb) maybe that's because I'm going for Unsuitable men so I have nothing much to lose...

@peanuthedz okay 3 days really isn't much at all and he did stop so 👍

@Alanis41 how often do you see him and are you messaging frequently?x

I need some advice oh wise ones - I've been seeing a guy for 5 weeks - dtd last Monday and then he went flakey - I sent him a text yesterday to say that I felt he wasn't feeling it and good luck. I got a message this morning saying he saw me on the site where we met and that could only mean one thing - I said it was true - I went on there to cancel my subscription. TBH I'm gutted as I really like him - have told him that I've not been interested in anyone since meeting him which is the truth - not sure this can be out right

@candysroom what was he doing on the site?? Could you both maybe meet and discuss being exclusive and your expectations?

@Peanuthedz Mr Yoga was the same age as me. I did go on a few dates with a much younger guy but that didn't work out. I agree with others that Mr U was totally out of order for using dating apps to target women for business reasons.

It does seem as though a few of us are either going through break-ups or difficult times. I have tried to stay positive but I did look at POF last night and Mr Yoga was back online! I reminded myself of some of his less positive traits and had a Magnum ice cream

Lily I'm not sure what he was doing on there - I assumed we were exclusive and so did he - I need to try to see him and talk it out - but I think I'll end up a snotty mess