Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@Ant330 I worry that a lot of men are not of your calibre! He seems very confident.

Not that you don’t! What I meant was I doubt he’d be worried about himself, and that’s why he might judge me. I am the queen of overthinking, by the way...

Oh god shall I just tell him to come over?

@FMFL you could let him stay over but tell him the two of you may not end up dtd, that way you have less pressure on yourself but allows you to spend intimate time together. I worry about my house too- mine is clean, not always today with having THE laziest kids. Just relax and enjoy it.

FMFL I'm a pretty confident bloke, I just feel very comfortable communicating all my anxieties and concerns on here 😉
I can't speak for all men, but I'm not that different to most, and if we like somebody enough to think it's not just a ONS then we also get anxious. You might not know it or realise it but it will most likely be there.
And we all have to put ourselves out there to be judged, you'll be doing the same to him, so stop worrying and invite him over.

Haha after all that I fear period may be on its way, so a definite no for me now. Self sabotage! I’ll ask him to come over next time (if there is one, here’s hoping..)

@Ant330 don't message her again
She already knows you are going out. You need to pull back a little. Not to the point of silent treatment but she's treating you like crap at the moment. She doesn't deserve to know anymore about you. Think you should leave your phone with us 😊

Fmfl if you fancy him and want to, just go for it. My confidence was on the floor after ex Dh, he cheated with and left me for a proper grotbags, but I'm learning not to worry as much now. In fact had my first ever hook up/ons since doing old at grand old age of 42 - and he was an ex stripper! He did not care a jot about my "flaws" and has contacted me several times since for a repeat but I've declined 🤣

Cross post fmfl

Thanks Ginmel good advice 😉
If I feel the need to drunkenly type something later, I'll do it on here (wouldn't be the 1st time 😂).

👍

Thanks Never I guess I just need to get on and do it. Not tonight now, but if there’s another opportunity I’ll just drag him to bed

@FMFL It really is the same for us blokes. On both fronts, performance and home/lifestyle judgements. MsM&M asked me if I had a drive to park on when she came over which made me think oh shit, do I look like a drive sort of guy ? Will she be disappointed with parking on the road ? But turns out she was just worried about having to parallel park.

Thought it was worth adding that my two best mates, who've both met MissH and thought she was great, both told me to end it. They've seen the shit I've had to go through over the last 10 months with my ex and said the last thing I need in my life is somebody who throws their toys out of the pram at something like this.
Not sure why I'm being such a soft touch tbh, it's not like me normally.

Do not message her. You will be shouted at by a load of very cross women if you do. Don't push us! @Ant330

Message on here if you need some inebriated support.

I have drunk a LOT of cheap rose wine and I will message her for you if you like @Ant330 😬

@Ant330 It seems a case of PMT, embarrassment and processing space from her side, and she may be unaware of how much it has caused you to be reminded of your ex-. Definitely could be talked through but it's not an ending it all sort of thing from where I'm sitting, purely informed by your posts on here. People often say stuff like 'if it's like this in the beginning...' but I find that kind of fatalistic and extrapolation based on one tiny aspect of your relationship so far.

Disclaimers: my personality type is Mediator (I.e. soft touch ) and my ex- had the maddest PMT I've ever come across and was horrifically abusive around it.

There's a saying @Ant330 'when someone shows you their true colours, believe them'. If this was the final straw with MissH I'd be inclined to agree with your mates however if everything has been as grand as it sounds, I'd be far more inclined to give her a yellow card so she knows you won't accept this kind of behaviour again. It'll be 5 days tomorrow and that's just not on.

@FMFL You don’t have anything to worry about, he’ll just be pleased (amazed) that someone is willing to have sex with him. But if you’re not wanting to yet, a sleep over can still be nice, staying at someones place doesn’t mean you have to have sex with them. He also won’t care about your house, unless it has anything especially cool in it.

Ok Peanut 😉 don't want to annoy you lot, you've all been fantastic!
Sunshine I have a feeling you'd be less tactful than me at the moment 😂
Hairy she doesn't remind me of my ex, I did something Tues that reminded her of hers, and it's gone downhill since then. But you and Ginmel are right, she's been great up till now so I'm willing to see how it pans out, up to a point.
You can all have my text I was going to send "I'm off out late, speak to you tomorrow" 😉

Just popping to agree keep that phone away Ant! Remember one of the rules is you are the prize! 4 days is bull shit behavior!

Ant I have lurked for ages and have very seldom posted. You have always come across as a wonderful person. Own that, see it and then decide whether she is worthy of your love and time.

ant you seem great. I think she needs to come back to you now lovely and I’m sure she will. I agree with hairyarsd is it a one off blip. I hope so. Don’t throw in the towel. Give her a day or two and hopefully she will realise she has been a twat and apologise ( I am also a mediator)

shitwith few pages back but “salty” you are down with the kids 😂

My stbxh is fucking awful. He has our kids for 3 nights over my youngest 2nd birthday. He has just invited me to her birthday party at his new girlfriends (6 months) house as long as I can be civil to his “partner” and “step children” ffs I left him for domestic violence and yet I end up feeling like a mug! ☹️🍷

@Marlboroandmalbec34 deep breaths!! They are wankers aren't they? Almost have to laugh at the sheer audacity of them. Keep calm and be the bigger person as much as you probably want to throat punch him.

Thanks lillyrose the anger has subsided I am just crying now. How is it right that he was so horrendously aggressive towards me but I miss my baby’s 2nd birthday? The thing is he is so clever and charming that no one saw it and I have lost so many friends who are all attending said party! He won. He got the house, the dog, the contact he wanted, friends. Our children think he’s the bees knees and I am the day to say who makes them brush their teeth, have a bath etc