Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I wouldn't try and resolve any of this by text but you know that. She would be daft if she didn't think you would want to clear the air later too

I just wouldn't reply for a while actually. Til you feel more reasonable.

Thinking of replying with "understand you need some space, I'm going out with so I'll catch up with you tomorrow"
I don't want her to think she can just walk all over me though, because that's not healthy.

I guess it depends how you feel. Do you want to see her again or is it unacceptable for you?

I would say something like the uncertainty is not making you feel great so you’re off out. The truth. I feel for you ant this is not what you deserve and she is not respecting you as a person

Theworld That's a tough one to answer tbh. I'd like to know what exactly has caused it and if this is how she tends to react to things she's not happy with. If it is then no I don't think I want to be with someone like that, but if it's a weird blip for whatever reason then can it be worked out.
I like closure 😂

You're all a lot more grown up than me 😳 I'd be saying "Ok, catch you later then" I think you're in danger of falling into "pandering" mode if you do more. She's behaving like a petulant child now imo. Don't tell her you're going out, don't suggest meeting up tomorrow, let her contact you next - send her one last message and then the ball is in her court. Does she want to be a relationship with you or not or does she just "check out" when things get a bit bumpy? 🌺 for you @Ant330 stuff like this is shit, it truly is.

Yeah I don't want her to think she can just walk all over me.
I settled on "ok I'll catch up with you later, I'm going out for a few beers".
I don't want to try to sort it by text like Ginmel said, let's see what tomorrow brings but I hope she realises that sorting this isn't just going to be about her being ok.

Just catching up with the posts, your story made me think @Ant as I probably react in that way too, hopefully you can keep the relationship on track.

Phew, I'm currently messaging one iron on Tinder who seems keen and normalish! I made a crazy experiment with 'loosening up' my profile to attract more guys- and got totally spooked by the response. I'm probably the most vanilla person they've ever come across. So quickly put my bio back to the 'looking for a serious relationship' text, which is more my comfort zone. I'm happy to be non-vanilla- but only in the confines of a secure relationship, not just with anyone.

But in other news I just swiped to the end of Tinder! Has that ever happened to anyone? I wondered when I'd run out, and now I have- feels a bit empty- like the world is flat after all.

Yeah, that’s a good reply, I always think if you wouldn’t say it face to face you shouldn’t say it via text, but then I am often painfully honest, which also gets you in trouble.

Just wondering if @pinkpixie83 has had any luck yet?

You sound a bit similar to me as I'm struggling to get things going a bit.

Oh Ant I'm sorry to hear she's being like this, it does sound like she's playing a weird game and I don't blame you for not wanting to have any truck with it if this is going to be normal. It sounds like she hasn't acknowledged that any of this is having any effect on you - do you think she knows, or would it come as a shock to her when you see her and tell her? I think your reply was good btw.

Not sure if she'd be surprised Coffee I've just said imagine how you'd feel it situation was reversed.
Couple of beers in with my mates, I'm fine now 😂

Glad you feel better @Ant330

She actually has some explaining to do.

I'm off to a party with work friends from 20 years ago. 😱
Not with Mr u. God knows whet they'd think. I met exh at work so there may be some tongue biting. Hard not to say what he's been like.

Ant I think she's being a bit unreasonable now, and I think your response has been good. It's definitely better to talk face to face about this sort of thing, rather than by text.

helpme I finished Tinder several times 😂 more people join all the time though ...

JeSuis enjoy ....

@Ant330 I'm glad you're going out and not waiting for her to snap her fingers. Have a great night.

@JeSuisPrest I know you're going to have a good night 😉

We've arrived on our campsite and I'm drinking cheap rosé...happy Sunshine 😁

Also @Ant330 we seem to live pretty close to each other so I'm always happy to meet you for a drink and a moan (while I'm not on holiday, obviously)!

@Ant330 I hope you enjoy your evening, sounds like you need a bit of a break.

Advice please. Mr Bucket and I had a fab date #2 , lots of holding hands. He’s offered to come to see me later at home. I’m so not used to any of this and while I’d love him to stay over I’ve got an absolute mental block. My main worry is he’ll judge my house?! I mean, it’s clean and tidy, I am really worried though. Then of course worried he’ll judge me, think I look weird etc etc. If I am this worried at them mention of it then it’s a bad idea maybe? How did you guys get over dtd worries?

Fmfl this was my biggest worry - about my body not my house - having been with ex dh for over 20 years and now sporting a mom bod having had 3 kids and neglected myself for the past 10 years. I think it might be jesuis that gives good advice on (sorry if it's someone else) but she basically says that if you have got to the stage where you are going to dtd then your iron does not care about what you perceive as flaws as he fancies pants off you. I've dtd with a few irons since splitting with ex Dh and whilst I have always had concerns nobody I have dtd with seems as concerned with them as me 😉

FMFL page 10 JeSuis's description of what goes through most blokes head the 1st time is spot on 😉 honestly if I'm anything like other blokes we're as anxious as you if it's somebody we really like and think it's got the potential to be something good.

Sunshine that is an incredibly kind offer thank you! Enjoy your hols first though 😉
I'm ok, had a few beers and now home to grab bite to eat, get changed and head out again.
I'm going to send her a quick message to say I'm going out late so will catch up in the morning. If I go on WA tonight when I've had a few it will either be something soppy or giving her a piece of my mind, so best avoided I think 😂

Thanks @neverexpected it’s such an worry for me. Ex has done a massive number on my confidence, I’m thinking this guy may think the same as my ex used to say. I think the house is an extension of that...I’m frightened of being judged!

FMFL if he wants you he he wants you - listen to Ant and JeSuis. I'm 55, have had two children. I was married at 23, divorced at 52, and I literally think 'ahh, fuck it, my body won't be better than it is right this minute so I'm going to enjoy myself'. So ... enjoy yourself lol Mr BC will be here in an hour, I plan to be enjoying myself ....