Dating Thread 165: The bravest thing you will ever do is love again ❤

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Appswww.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Which one @Sunshineandflipflops? There's a guy called Ant on there too 😂 He's hot My favourites are Foxy and Ollie though

JeSuis love your descriptions of what's going through a blokes head the 1st time, so true! 😂
Think she's a Gemini or maybe Taurus, apparently as a Virgo myself we're not a good match (not that I pay any attention to star signs tbh).
We've exchanged couple of bland messages this evening, still none the wiser.

It should be the next thread title

Date update - fascinating man, loads of really interesting chat about art and literature - but it was very clear he has high functioning autism. I have autistic children and an autistic father so I recognised it immediately, and I know that he wouldn't be able to give me the emotional reciprocity that I need. Interesting date though, glad I went.

@Ginmel yes, Ant!

Meant Aries or Taurus, not Gemini.

@JeSuisPrest About a week. He’d sent me a link to the pub we were meeting at, I said ok and then he said ‘I’m sorry, I can’t meet you now. So sorry!’ He couldn’t have blocked me any quicker if he’d tried. Disrespectful of my time and immature to boot.

I’ve been online dating on/off for six years and all I’ve had from it was one short term thing of less than two months. I ended that only because he’d had a vasectomy, otherwise everything was going so well. Has anyone else found that it’s got worse in terms of an inability to even get a date? I don’t know if it’s my age (38) and if that’s a factor. Guys my age maybe want younger women. I’m quite youthful and look a lot younger and I’d like to maybe have one child so i don’t have much in common with the men in their late 40s/50s that message me. Feeling a bit fed up today.

@RaspberryGirl - I'm thinking he's in a LTR/married. What a twat whatever the reason. I don't know about men wanting a younger woman, I think if you meet the right person age doesn't matter (within reason... I'm not taking about Hugh Heffner/Joan Collins type relationships). I think wanting children does throw an extra element into the mix when looking for Mr/Ms Right.

@Sunshineandflipflops Both Leo's 🦁- who'da thought it, we lead such quiet uneventful, drama free lives...🤥

Who Dates Wins! Love it 😂

I'm having a Mr BC wobble 😕

In my last relationship, he would never phone me if one of his adult (late 20s and early 30s) children was around. His younger son lived with him. So he'd go out to the supermarket and call me from there ... 😕 They weren't happy about him seeing 'someone' - they never met me, or even knew my name, even though we were seeing each other for over a year. I felt like I was a secret, and hidden and it made me feel like shite. One of the reasons I ended it.

Mr BC's late wife's adult children live with him. I understand to a certain degree why he doesn't want to 'flaunt' the fact he's seeing me, as he doesn't want them to think he's replacing their Mum. So he calls me first thing from work or on his way home. If the timing works for mw. We are both out of the house 12 plus hours a day. He left work early today so was home by the time I left work. So I haven't spoken to him. We don't need to speak every day, but I just feel a bit sidelined and it has 'triggered' something in me that's making me unsettled. He also still has a picture of himself and his late wife as his phone screensaver. I do (think I) understand why. But I don't feel great about that either.

He does want me to meet his friends, and he's met all my family (which includes my elder DC who has a severe learning disability). The reason I haven't met them is mostly because I'd have to stay over at his (about an hour and a half away) and the adult DC can't be there ... I don't know, I just feel a bit rubbish about this

@BatshitCrazyWoman That sounds tough. In my opinion, if he's ready for a relationship then he needs to be ready for his children to know too, especially as they are adults.

I think the screen saver is a bit unfair to be honest if he's with you. He's either ready to move on or he's not and keeping a photo of his late wife on there isn't fair on you at all.

Hi Batshit - that’s difficult for you - his adult children must go out - have partners etc - do they not stay over ever somewhere else - re his friends can you not travel over and stay in a cheap air B and B somewhere local. I think you need to move it on in this way. It’s a test in a way to see if he really wants you to meet his friends.
Does he stay over at yours - if so what does he say to his kids then?

Bats that's difficult because it's such a sensitive topic to bring up. Clearly he's doing what he thinks is best for his kids, but clearly if he's ready then he needs to admit that to them.
Tough topic to bring up though, and I wouldn't like the screensaver either even if I did understand it.
Has he told you why he hasn't told his kids yet? Does he know they will react badly or is he just worried they might? I doubt they expect him to stay single forever.

Just got back (alone) from date with Mr Bucket...oh my god could proper get the feels for this guy. Proper snog at the end of the date. I could have fainted.

@BatshitCrazyWoman that's really pants. Have you broached this very difficult subject?

@FMFL whoop whoop! Great date then?

@kermitrulesok oh yes the most amazing first date I’ve ever had. Like, ever. He was drop dead gorgeous, so much better than his pics. He’s got a hell of a drive home so I’m resisting texting him right now; will wait til the morning to say thank you.

@FMFL my first date with MrT went really well...awww love it when first dates are good! So happy for you...sometimes I wish we could share pics of our irons!

I’m just praying he felt the same! Ah well I guess if not, I chalk this up as a great first date.

What sort of vibes did you get? Conversation flowed? Eye contact? Obviously a good night kiss is very positive

Really good vibes from him, lots of laughing, eye contact, a few sneaky kisses in the bar and then the full snog at the end. I’m trying not to build my hopes up too much. He did ask if he might be able to stay over, but I said no, and he said he completely understood. I’m obviously overthinking now and trying to work out if he thought that was a bad thing (having set boundaries is a new thing for me...whole other story) but yes without wanting to jinx it I’d hope he wants to see me again. I’ll try to keep a lid on it so that I’m not too gutted if he doesn’t...

Oooh FMFL that sounds great! Fingers crossed for you ...

I don't think my post was clear 😕 These aren't Mr BC's adult children, they are his late wife's. They do know he's seeing me (he's out pretty much every Saturday night/Sunday morning! Plus we've been away twice). And they do go away/out, it just all has to line up with me and my visits to my disabled DC etc. We have busy lives! He's asked me to stay before quite early on and I had a wobble then (the DC have lots of photos of their late Mum all over the house). I will go next time I'm asked though. He really wants me too. We have spoken about if he's ready to have a relationship and his late wife's DCs and he assures me that they know he's seeing me and that's that, they don't get to dictate to him. One is really struggling with bereavement and is having counselling.

The screensaver I don't feel I can talk to him about - I can see how deleting it would feel awful, and we've only been together 4 months.... At some point though it's going to bother me much more.

Gosh what a tricky situation Bat, and yet he - and you - are entitled to find happiness without any guilt.
FMFL awesome update! Everything crossed he felt the same - the vibes sound hopeful!

Eek...message this morning from Mr Bucket asking if I’d like a second date...today

Bats sorry your post was clear reading it back...
Why don't you suggest the occasional call when he's at home? I'm sure he could call you from his bedroom for a bit of privacy and therefore not flaunting it to them.
You may find the screensaver delete just happens one day without you saying anything at all

Fmfl fab news on the date. I think since starting this I've only ever had 3 first dates like that.

I called MrBlueEyes out on the slow fading (I like closure) and said hes clearly not feeling it anymore so we should bow out as friends. He came back denying it saying hed just been busy etc but asked if I wasnt feeling it now. I said I'd backed off because having been treated appallingly by ex Dh I will never again put in more than I am getting out - one sided relationships are no more for me.

I've been away with kids for the week and got back yesterday. Havent heard from him in that time so assume hes taken the out. Anyway I had a few matches before i went and one in particular seems pretty keen and has kept me company over WhatsApp over the week. As its school holidays arranging a meet is proving tricky for a few weeks though unfortunately 🤦‍♀️ I may also be arranging a meet with MrFireman and have unsnoozed my apps now back