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Original poster

I left DH and now OM has gone

252 replies

Betrayedandithurts · 21/07/2019 15:59

OM and I had been having an affair For past 6 years. During this time we both left partners on different occasions For each other but the timing was never right. First DH lost his job and I couldn’t leave and then OM’s wife had depression then she was sick, but wasn’t really, and he couldn’t leave and then both have had issues with children and timing wasnt right. Both DH and his wife know about us obviously.

Children now older and we decide we had to do it now and we both said we will leave together and I have and my divorce Has finally come through but now OM has disappeared off the face of the earth. I am heartbroken and don’t understand how he can do this to me.Don’t know what to do. He isn’t a nice person is he? Why would he disappear. His wife knows I am divorcing and do you think she just pulling another one of her sick stunts? Sickness, depression, or whatever other thing she has done Before to make him stay? Or is it him?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2019 16:15

If he wanted a loving and committed relationship, he would have either made one with his wife or left her and made one with someone else. What he wanted was a safe marriage to raise his kids and something fun on the side. The second you weren't 'something fun on the side' you weren't what he wanted.

Affairs are passionate and romantic and 'it's so wrong but so right'. What they aren't is committed, serious and stable. He has that. Why would he want it from you?

As for 'sick stunt'? Yuk.

taylorowmu · 21/07/2019 16:15

had arranged marriage and DH and his family treated me like there servant for whole time.

That doesn't justify an affair?

PicsInRed · 21/07/2019 16:16

As you sow, so shall you reap.

I wish you a bountiful harvest, OP.

🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾🌾

TheyCallMeMellowYellow · 21/07/2019 16:16

😭😂

Moominfan · 21/07/2019 16:17

OM was kind and loving and promised me and give me so much happiness.

I imagine he's the same with his wife.

GlitchStitch · 21/07/2019 16:18

OM was kind and loving and promised me and give me so much happiness.

He made promises to his wife too. Your unhappiness at your marriage isn't an excuse to help treat her so terribly. What did she ever to do you? You're the one who inserted yourself uninvited into her life.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2019 16:19

had arranged marriage and DH and his family treated me like there servant for whole time.

That doesn't justify an affair?

TBH that comes the closest to an excuse that I've heard. Still not really a justification but some arranged marriages are forced marriages and leaving is less of an option than in other marriages.

QueenofPain · 21/07/2019 16:19

You’re not a nice person either, OP. But at least your husband is now free to move on with the rest of his life, free from this big drama train. Hopefully your fuck buddy’s wife will soon follow suit and live out the rest of her days happily!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/07/2019 16:19

So, now you are out of your arranged marriage AND you kow what real love feels like... you can draw a line under both men and start your free and single life... all for the better!

It's an opportunity, Betrayed grab it with both hands and make the most of it!

taylorowmu · 21/07/2019 16:21

TBH that comes the closest to an excuse that I've heard. Still not really a justification but some arranged marriages are forced marriages and leaving is less of an option than in other marriages.

Really?

OP said during the 6 years they had both left their partners at different points.

So it wasn't less of an option at all.

Paramicha · 21/07/2019 16:21

It's him and you.
Hth

Chista · 21/07/2019 16:22

Some of the comments may seem unkind but then what you have created is a situation of your own doing. Ok the arranged marriage and in laws treating you as such sucks, but it is not an excuse for an affair. I know how hard escaping an arranged marriage and in laws can be but you have made this harder on yourself and your respective families. I feel sorry for the innocents in this i.e. the children

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 21/07/2019 16:22

You should have made sure his divorce was finalised before you left your husband Grin

RodGallowglass · 21/07/2019 16:24

He promised we were divorcing at the same time and said wife had agreed to his divorce

And you believed this!

blackcat86 · 21/07/2019 16:24

That's karma for you. The two of you did a horrible , nasty thing and make you want sympathy because it hasn't turned out all lovely. Hang on whilst I get my tiny violin.

N2986 · 21/07/2019 16:26

Hmm summer holidays?

MarianaMoatedGrange · 21/07/2019 16:26

I'm sorry you had an awful arranged marriage. See this now as a time to be yourself, by yourself, without another man in the equation.

Billben · 21/07/2019 16:26

Well, you certainly have got your just deserts, haven’t you. There is karma after all 😀

BogglesGoggles · 21/07/2019 16:28

To be fair, if I were him I definitely wouldn’t want to pursue a real relationship with you either.

Dino1 · 21/07/2019 16:29

Ah I'm so sorry op. It must be horrible when the person you love treats you like you are a disposable piece of shit.
At least you and your husband have something in common now that you will both know how that feels.
Best of luck to your husband, karma to you!

lifebegins50 · 21/07/2019 16:30

You didn't really know him and certainly not his character.

It will hurt for a while to know you were duped and lied to but you will recover.

The best approach is to focus on yourself and DC. Remain single for at least 2 years, build up your self esteem so that you are less vulnerable to other manipulative men.

You are not the first woman to fall for this so it is best to just accept responsibility for your part and also place responsibility on him.

Don't blame his wife as that will not lead o your recovery and healing. Anytime you feel tempted to blame her, tell yourself, she is not responsible, he & I are the only responsible parties.

Are you financially ok or were you depending on OM?

NoisyNeighbour · 21/07/2019 16:30

[santa]

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 21/07/2019 16:31

He couldn’t have been a good person if he had been lying to his wife for the last 6 years.

I’m not going to berate you, OP. But you have a chance to live an honest life now. I recommend it.

Raffles1981 · 21/07/2019 16:31

OP, words mean sweet FA. As much as you want to believe this was happening, it hasn't. And he isn't coming with you. Time to make a life you want to be in.

gingersausage · 21/07/2019 16:32

It’s probably for the best OP. He’s shown you his true colours, and that he doesn’t really care about you. You’ve got out of your shitty marriage relatively unscathed.

What you need to do now is focus on your children and yourself. Build up your self esteem so that you don’t need a man to validate you. Get a job and earn your own money. Do stuff with your children that you haven’t been able to do. Move to a new town if that’s feasible and put all this behind you. Move on from it and learn from it.