What do you think of these messages?

[WhatTheHell111]

Name Change for this.

Saw some messages pop up on my husbands phone, thought the sounded slightly flirty and I didn’t recognise the name or number. So last night I went into his phone and found this.. what do you fellow MNetters think? To me it sounds like they already been up to no good.

Also before anyone says I shouldn’t have gone into his phone I know this, but after the messages I saw prior I needed to be sure.

OP
I read that as him being very keen and her not very so not really responding then him him being a desperate saddo with the horny faces.

I’m just numb, I know I want to LTB but just can’t seem to get the strength together to say I know what you’ve been up to.

I've been there, that awful time when you know you should say something but that when you do things will never be the same.

But it's not your fault, remember that. Also, things DO get better! I'm four years down the road from discovering cheating messages, very happily divorced and not looking back!

Can you jot down her number and put it into your WhatsApp to see who she is via the photo?

@overnightangel I have done, someone he works with, she also have a partner.

@purplelass does it? I’m between crap am I really so undesirable he has to be that needy and desperate, to that c*nt.

@WhatTheHell111 how you haven't lost your shit already I'll never know.

Sorry this is happening to you ❤️

Get everything sorted before you LTB, it may take a few days but get yourself and DD sorted before you do. Keep strong ❤️

*@purplelass does it? I’m between crap am I really so undesirable he has to be that needy and desperate, to that cnt.

In my case, it definitely did! Before I confronted him I felt sick and worthless and soooo angry. Once I confronted him I still felt angry but relieved that it was out in the open. When he refused to stop seeing the OW and I kicked his ass out the feeling of relief was amazing...

And now, it's just me and DD at home and we're so relaxed and happy. We know where we stand, there's no secrets or treading on eggshells. I'm dating a lovely bloke but I don't think I'd want to live with a man again, the freedom of making all your own decisions and knowing you can rely on yourself is awesome!

Every story is different, you must do what's right for you, but not confronting the situation at some stage is unlikely to make it go away... good luck

He is a piece of shit n on top he is stupid to leave evidence.... I think you need to talk to him. Either you kick him out or you see if you guys can work things together.... All the best xxx

OP, i discovered DP was having an EA 3 months ago, when it was discovered he told me he didnt love me and hadnt for months. His EA was a mutual friend who he has always fancied. I now realise that he probably only said that he didnt love me to stop me going to his work to rip her head off. It paralysed me and is what hurt me the most out of all this. It took him 2 weeks to tell me he loved me again.

Despite DP saying he loves me and things are really good between us i am broken inside, i am so hurt and sad.

If you do decide to stay please believe me when I say that you will still be crushed and devastated, them staying doesnt magically erase everything, its just a different kind of pain. And DP was horrible to me at times, i wasnt allowed to cry or tell people. It nearly killed me, the support of friends, family and Mumsnet got me through it.

Which one of the messages you shared cane first chronologically? Because on the second, she doesn’t seem bothered but in the first she calls him ‘baby xxx’ then wishes Steve wasn’t staying. Seems like there has been a progression. What do they talk about in the other messages?

Irrespective of her though as other PP have said, he sounds capable and ready to cheat if he hasn’t already. Don’t give up your job and get evidence before confronting if you can. Big virtual hug for you x

I'm so sorry OP. What an arsehole.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. Just wanted to say it has nothing to do with you being ‘desirable’ or not. It’s no reflection on you whatsoever, you have done nothing to cause this in any way.

I don’t think he has cheated, I think he sounds sleazy and desperate and she seems like a fairly young woman going along with it. The fact he wanted to cheat is enough though. If you let this slide, you will spend the rest of your marriage constantly paranoid he’s up to no good.

OP - email those screenshot to someone or an email address not linked to your phone in case he tries to delete them off your phone, you will need them in a divorce proceedings.

I know I want to LTB but just can’t seem to get the strength together to say I know what you’ve been up to.

You don't have to confront him if you don't want to. You wanting to end the relationship is all you need. You don't even need to give him a reason if you don't want to.

As nice as it might be to see him confronted, just leaving him because you want to might be the right way for you. You get to avoid listening to him lie and gaslight for weeks AND walk away with your dignity having dumped him first. And that will wreck his head.

Actually it might be good to catch more messages if you're not up to confronting him yet.

ABadlyShavedYeti
Your weren’t allowed to cry or tell people and he was horrible to you at times

I can’t believe you stayed with this man.

Despite DP saying he loves me and things are really good between us i am broken inside, i am so hurt and sad

I'm sorry but things are not really good between you. How can they be when you're broken inside...he did that to you and he doesn't even 'allow you to cry'?

When it comes to affairs, I would strongly advise the person who has been cheated on, not to make any decisions about staying in the relationship or not, for at least 6 months. When my ex cheated on me, 6 months down the line I felt very very differently towards him than I did in the beginning. I am so glad I gave myself that time and space to clear my head and see clearly.

*in the beginning of discovering the affair.

Put a VAR in his car, OP. You can get one of those USB ones.

I would keep quiet and carry on watching. Tracker on his phone? Maybe have a conversation about what unacceptable behaviour you would not tolerate and would be kick out stuff.

OP, this is not about you. It is all about him. Your husband has a weak character and a sense of entitlement to chase an ego boost and illicit sex. Do not accept responsibility for his infidelity. Do not do the pick-me-dance.

He is acting like a single man and treating you with contempt. Gather your self-respect and tell him to leave. You and your daughter deserve more than a husband/father who wants to lead a double life.

@ABadlyShavedYeti, how did you manage to stay? Not allowing you to cry, what is that all about. What an arsehold, sorry.

And you’re right it isn’t about me and I have no intention on asking him to pick me, doesn’t matter what he wants now. If this were my daughter I wouldn’t want this for her at all.

Where is he now op?

So sorry you are having to go through this

He got back from work at 7, I’ve gone to bed as DD and I aren’t well.. plus I might just hit him.

Not even like he has been a great partner or dad, then goes and sends these messages. But I know when it comes to splitting he wouldn’t want to as ‘what would everyone think’. Or conveniently turn to his catholic values.

Wow. If it was my dh bin bags would be on doorstep!

Catholic values include respecting your partner and not looking outside the marriage, so he has already trashed those.