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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What do you think of these messages?

171 replies

WhatTheHell111 · 21/07/2019 13:31

Name Change for this.

Saw some messages pop up on my husbands phone, thought the sounded slightly flirty and I didn’t recognise the name or number. So last night I went into his phone and found this.. what do you fellow MNetters think? To me it sounds like they already been up to no good.

Also before anyone says I shouldn’t have gone into his phone I know this, but after the messages I saw prior I needed to be sure.

OP posts:
WhatTheHell111 · 21/07/2019 22:40

It’s just so clear that he had either shagged or planning to shag her. I mean her saying I wish Steve washing staying.. its a bit more than her being flirty from her side too or leading him on, to me it’s saying I want to fuck you again. And his I want to chill and horny face Angry then asking about dinner Angry after these messages she goes a bit cold.

What do you think of these messages?
OP posts:
readitandwept · 21/07/2019 22:46

Your husband is desperate and sounds like 17 year old. Sending her the horny face when she hadn't replied to him. My skin is crawling here.

Sorry, OP.

ChocoholicsAsylum · 21/07/2019 23:56

OMG I am so sorry for you, this is abso disgusting.
Personally I smash his phone into his fucking face (obv you dont do that, unfortunatly you may get into trouble).

Dont bide your time because its 1) just wasting even more of your life on this and 2) You already have enough evidence.

This horrible man made a family and treats his woman like this? Nah. Get her number and tell her you know all about her and toss out his horrible ass!

Really hate people who do this to their other halfs! Yuk. Find strength.

Huge hugs xxx

Brandnewshit · 22/07/2019 02:18

I don't read it as he has shagged her, but he wants to, and the messages are alluding to that, and that is enough for you to end it, the messages are v inappropriate and totally unacceptable.
Don't let him spin you a load of shit.
You know what you've read, don't let him gaslight you on this.
He's crossed a line. No going back from that.
Your not going crazy, it's there in black and white, you deserve a hell of a lot better than this.
I'd personally pack his bags.
Leave a note on top saying "You know exactly why you're out of my life, dont insult either of our intelligence by denying it"
Let him deal with the consequences of him being a horrible bastard.

Brandnewshit · 22/07/2019 02:20

Do not spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder
He is prepared and capable of cheating.
Don't fall for the cheaters handbook script, you are so much better than this.
X

Seahorseshoe · 22/07/2019 02:34

So sorry op. I couldn't bite my tongue, I'd have to tell him what I knew.

Whatever happens, this is all on him. You shouldn't have to move, you haven't done anything wrong.

💐

Winterlife · 22/07/2019 06:16

If you’re home with your daughter, before doing anything, get all your ducks in a row. Will you work? If you don’t will money be an issue? Once that’s done, I agree with others. Pack his bags and tell him if he wants to act as if he is single, he may as well be.

SinkGirl · 22/07/2019 06:50

From those messages I can’t be sure she’s even interested in him so I wouldn’t say it’s definite they’ve had sex - but he’s certainly trying to, which is all that matters. What a piece of shit. I’m so sorry Flowers

CassettesAreCool · 22/07/2019 07:10

He sounds embarrassingly keen, she just sounds embarrassed. Not convinced they’ve shagged, it’s clear he wants to though. If you want to keep hold of him, suggest you prepare for a difficult conversation then take it from there. He’ll rant about snooping, that’s a distraction. Just focus on talking about what he is up to and why. Then take time to process. 💐💐 for you and your darling baby OP. Be strong.

Number3or4 · 22/07/2019 07:20

The ow don't sound intrested and is not replying to him very much. Your dh is doing all the pursuing. Are you still on maternity leave? There is no shame in staying for finacial reasons. You can leave afterwards. It can turn into a marriage of convenience until you are ready to move on. But take care of your sexual health and don't have sex without a condom. It is not as simple as kicking him out. You are forever connected to him through your dd. If you decide to leave please try to do it as amicable as possible. You have every right to feel all the emotions possible.

MadeForThis · 22/07/2019 07:26

What a scumbag. He's definitely looking to cheat. That's all you need to know.

So sorry. Protect yourself. You have a chance to get all the paperwork etc that you need before you have to confront him.

Screenshot everything

TheSheepofWallSt · 22/07/2019 07:27

Still think this is him pursuing and her not really interested (possibly flattered by the attention, but not interested).

He’s still a tosser regardless and I’d be rid of him ASAP.

pictish · 22/07/2019 07:44

Yes...sorry to say he's definitely looking for 'attention' from her and is instigating contact about it. She doesn't seem as invested in whatever it is as he is.
The fact that he assumes they'd be 'chilling' with accompanying horny emoji, if Steve wasn't there, suggests they have perhaps chilled before. I mean you don't send that to a colleague you've no former sexual connotations with.

I'm sorry OP. Let us know how you get on.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/07/2019 08:21

Looks like he's slobberingly persuing her, but she's not really that into it.

Rivkka · 22/07/2019 08:30

She doesn't sound at all interests IMO.

littleyellowwellies · 22/07/2019 08:44

He sounds like he's trying to look and sound very "cool" - but coming across as a bit of a desperate old man. is she much younger than him?

WhatTheHell111 · 22/07/2019 09:02

It does look like she has cooled off of him, before that they seem to have texted quite a bit and looks like some messages were deleted.

She must be around Hs age so 30 perhaps a bit younger.

OP posts:
Butterflyone1 · 22/07/2019 09:06

You need to confront him. If he hasn't already done the dirty, he is certainly intending to. You deserve better!

StressyDressyHeels · 22/07/2019 09:07

I’m sorry you’re going through this. What a dick.

SteadyAreYouReady · 22/07/2019 09:28

I wouldn’t read too much into her looking like things have cooled off. Sounds like she was in the pub having fun

hellsbellsmelons · 22/07/2019 09:44

It really does appear to be all him, in both the messages you have posted.
I'm not sure if they have shagged yet.
But he's certainly trying his best.
I'd honestly bide my time.
Keep snooping to see what else is going on.
Are there any other signs of an affair?

castlecutie · 22/07/2019 09:50

your husband is desperate for her. the way he acts when she doesn't reply immediately. he's keen. what a heap of shit he is. i can see why some of you would think she's not interested, but she did say to him 'thanks baby xxx'. ugh, the pair of them.

VenusTiger · 22/07/2019 10:04

I’d call HER and ask her

WhatTheHell111 · 22/07/2019 13:19

I am still on mat leave but wasn’t planning on going back as they want me back full time not part time and I just can’t get the childcare, the company also isn’t doing well. H wanted me to quit anyway and I can see why now.

OP posts:
WhatTheHell111 · 22/07/2019 13:21

I’m just numb, I know I want to LTB but just can’t seem to get the strength together to say I know what you’ve been up to.

OP posts: