Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DIVORCING sulking H!

992 replies

jamaisjedors · 13/07/2019 20:16

This is my fourth thread ! (Long-time mn-er.)

I initially started a thread reluctantly in December after my H ruined my birthday weekend (and 1st anniversay of my dad's death) by giving me the silent treatment all weekend to "punish me" for not being grateful enough for him coming away and buying me a present and a card.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3448545-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking?msgid=84022238

Thanks to some amazing posters I realised that H's behaviour (which was not at all a one-off) was abusive and unacceptable.

I prepared to leave him and got plans in place but got "hoovered" back in by H with promises of joint counselling, individual counselling for him, and regular "date nights". Unfortunately none of that changed the dynamic in our relationship : 2nd thread :

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3498886-Confronting-DH-about-his-sulking-part2?msgid=85957683

I started a 3rd thread in May when H and I had decided to separate :

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3580872-LEAVING-sulking-H?msgid=88239005

and that's when things got nightmarish.

As everyone on here pointed out, the most dangerous time for women is when they decide to leave an abusive partner.

In a nutshell, H went missing, had an acute psychotic episode, was admitted to a psychiatric facility and is still in there now.

Staff at the hospital warned me H could be dangerous for me and advised me to move out asap which I did, in fear for my life.

Things now are on a reasonably even keel 2 months on but now the battle is managing H who is continuing his abusive behaviour and also protecting the DC (12 & 14) - H is expecting to get joint custody.

Thanks again to all the wonderful posters who have advised me, informed me, cheered me on, shared their experiences and generally been an invaluable source of support over the last 7-8 months.

Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers Flowers

OP posts:
Mix56 · 05/08/2019 10:39

Holding my breath here, Bonne Chance

Mix56 · 05/08/2019 10:39

Holding my breath here, Bonne Chance

Mix56 · 05/08/2019 10:39

Holding my breath here, Bonne Chance

Mix56 · 05/08/2019 10:39

Holding my breath here, Bonne Chance

Mix56 · 05/08/2019 10:40

Holding my breath here, Bonne Chance

Mix56 · 05/08/2019 10:40

Holding my breath here, Bonne Chance

ThinkWittyThoughts · 05/08/2019 11:17

Breathe @Mix56 for god's sake! Grin

ThinkWittyThoughts · 05/08/2019 11:17

Breathe @Mix56 for god's sake! Grin

ThinkWittyThoughts · 05/08/2019 11:17

Breathe @Mix56 for god's sake! Grin

ThinkWittyThoughts · 05/08/2019 11:17
Blush
Mix56 · 05/08/2019 12:39

Haha,

greengrower · 05/08/2019 12:57

Good luck x

ohfourfoxache · 05/08/2019 13:07

Good luck x

longtimelurkerhelen · 05/08/2019 13:20

Thinking of you today and sending positive thoughts your way. Good luck. xxx

ItsOnAmericasTorturedBrow · 05/08/2019 13:25

I've been lurking too - hope it goes well. You've got this - no judge would give unsupervised overnight access to someone so recently in hospital with a long term diagnosis. Maybe get your lawyer to ask what community mental health treatment he is receiving? Does he have a CPN? When does he see his psychiatrist next? What's his care plan etc? Also v important but ask for a CAFCASS assessment for the children - I'm sure your lawyer will have already planned this

Grumpelstilskin · 05/08/2019 13:37

Good luck OP. I read the previous threads at the time and am so relieved that you are breaking away. Fingers crossed that you will have an easier time of it.

MummyOfTwo92 · 05/08/2019 14:12
Thanks
DPotter · 05/08/2019 14:24

Jamais is in France - so things like CPNs, CAFCASS are not relevant

CarpeVitam · 05/08/2019 14:41

Good Luck Jamais! Thanks

AcrossthePond55 · 05/08/2019 16:33

Best of luck. Fingers crossed.

Nix32 · 05/08/2019 17:43

Crossing everything for you. Hope it went well.

Nix32 · 05/08/2019 17:44

Crossing everything for you. Hope it went well.

Original poster
jamaisjedors · 05/08/2019 18:44

Quick update to say it went well I think. Everyone stayed calm.

His lawyer minimized things, mine emphasized that caution was needed.

The judge will give her decision on 27th September and we reached an agreement for the interim in front of her about the dc.

They are to see their dad this week but daytime visits only and then when his brother comes next week they can stay over (and I can go away!!!).

I've told the dc and they are ok with that.

For September they will see their dad eow in daytime and perhaps every other wednesday too (no school on Wednesday afternoons).

My lawyer said the most important thing was that we got no overnights so that H can't take them away somewhere and then be in difficulty far away, this way he has to stay close to home and the dc can call me if necessary.

We had to wait for about 3.5 hrs but then our hearing was over an hour too so worth it even if I am sore from sitting on a bench for that long!

Now about to settle with the dc and a beer (for me!) in front of the TV.

Flowers to everyone for being my virtual support system.

OP posts:
ThinkWittyThoughts · 05/08/2019 18:54

That sounds like a really good result.
Enjoy your beer!

Grumpelstilskin · 05/08/2019 18:56

Phew! That's quite a good outcome.

Swipe left for the next trending thread