And my update on Mr 5in1 - get a brew, it's going to be long. Welp, I didn't hear from him between 5pm and midnight. I had driven an hour and a half in one direction from my home, and ended up driving an hour in the other direction to catch the end of a music festival with a couple of friends. Kinda felt like a third wheel (although they're not a couple) and tried to dance and smile along with them but my heart wasn't in it. Stayed with one of the friends and stayed up until 4am talking about him and catching up in general. Decided that if this is his way of breaking up with or ghosting, it needs to go down in the history books as pretty damn impressive; it's got expense, massive inconvenience, heartache, unresolved feelings (should I be worried? I'm angry but I don't know if it is okay too feel angry because there's still an outside chance it's genuine... in many ways it's funny because it's such a massive extravagant way of dumping somebody.
I'm not convinced that it is anything untoward though. I've been through a rollercoaster thinking it is/isn't/could/could be not... and I still just don't know. He text at about 1am, apologising again and saying he was staying over with his mum in hospital who was still very much touch and go. He said he was going back in, which I take to mean he went outside to text and couldn't text when inside - I don't know the hospital they are in, but I know it's usually hard to get a signal inside other hospitals. I think his phone was on not off when I rang him a couple of times last night (it rang out before going to voicemail) but it could well be on silent and him not looking at it.
In all honestly if I were in his shoes and if it's real and genuine that his mum is very critically ill, I don't know that I'd be doing much different. I've dropped plans with close friends when one of my parents needed to be rushed into hospital and sent them one text, only picking up the phone to them when parent is out of the woods. I might well not contact somebody I was only on date #4 with, very much if at all during the emergency, because no matter how much I like them, they're totally insignificant in that moment when you're focussed on your parent who might die at any moment.
My gut feeling is that this isn't a lie, this is what's really going on for him.
However - I am also holding open the fact that even if it's all truth, but maybe not an acute emergency all the hours, it was pretty sucky of him not to have been in contact a bit more. We had scheduled to dtd for the first time, we'd got a hotel did I mention I'd got waxed!!! - it was a big thing that he was bailing on with somebody who he's caught a case of the feels for. I have insufficient data to draw any firm conclusions, but I'm holding this tab open as a possibility, that he was a bit shit to me.
Of course, it's also possible that there is a more unsavoury reason - I can't be sure that he doesn't have a partner that he's kept quiet from me, and something happened to interrupt his plans to go shag his bit on the side. A partner being suspicious would explain the lack of updates/contact, and the subject matter is one it seems is common for avoiding a date. If its this, he's taken a lot of risks with me being seen in public a lot (though not on his turf) texting and what's apping a lot all times of the day, calling/answering my calls, sexting etc.
Maybe he got cold feet, maybe he thought he could skive work but got threatened with sack and had to bail on me to keep job. Obviously if something like these are the reason why, the way he did it makes it complete deal breaker.
Maybe he just decided he didn't want to shag me or see me again and it had all got too far by that point and he had to go along with pretending to want to and an elaborate dramatic reason not to was created. It's hard to imagine a more shitty way of doing it, even a blunt "you're ugly and I don't want to see your face again" would have been less cruel. And his behaviour on Thursday date was so VERY into me, and that's been so consistent that this just doesn't ring true, but I've been ghosted before and it never does, so what do I know?
I do know that my actions have been with integrity - I've sent supportive texts, not pressurised him, asked after him and his mum repeatedly with no sign of answer or frustration from lack of response, sent well wishes, been understanding etc. If it's true, then I think I've handled it very well from my end. If it's not, if he's even got half a cell of decency in his body he should be wracked with guilt that he's fucked over a good person.