Dating thread 164. Fortune favours the brave

[Marlboroandmalbec34]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

"Big fat fuckity bye" 😂😂😂

Okay wise ones, need some help, does this sound like a plausible excuse?

My previous post on this thread said I'd been speaking to/been on 3 dates with a guy who seemed nice etc and then from Thursday morning I hadn't heard from him at all. I've been ghosted a few times before and so have left it alone and just been getting on with life. We had been communicating through Whatsapp and so I have seen he has been on there at such and such a time etc on the conversation thread we had there....I left it as I as a rule leave it there for 7 days then block and delete. I've just received a whastapp from him apologising for not having been in touch, the reason is that he smashed his phone screen and had to use an old phone which didn't have some phone numbers on it. I'm not overly technical, i get he wouldn't have had my number in his old phone if the story is true, but would it affect what I can see for times etc of him being on Whatsapp because I still have the conversation on my phone? (don;t know if my explanation makes sense hope so . Bottom line is, is this a plausible excuse to be able to give him the benefit of the doubt this once? Advice please...we did seem to be going well and I got a different vibe from him compared to all the other OLD nightmares I've had but I don;t want to be a sucker if that's just a lame excuse that makes me look stupid IYSWIM.

big fat fuckity bye

AWESOME!!!

@Sidge I agree that is one of the two options and the one I want to make sure it wasnt. I told MrChef that I would not feel comfortable for at least another 5 dates, that is not true but I don't want to waste my time and it is a good way to separate the wheat from the chaff.

I am not looking into hookups/short term so I hope to eliminate a lot of "candidates" that way and keep only those with real LTR potential.

I replied to his message saying I like him, but he needs to be more specific about what he wants me to clarify.

^sex: are you insecure I like you because of not dtd? is it something you need to assess at this point to decide where to go?
relationship - want to talk about exclusivity? did you mean it is where you want things to go?^

I don't know what to make of his answer but it felt a bit disappointing.
sex is important but only when both parties are completely comfortable with it. I guess that is part of my insecurities. Also the exclusivity part has been on my mind

I am not going to message back. The ball is in his court now and his decision if he wants another date.

@Coffeeandchocolate9 Personally I'd be a bit WTF about him going completely off radar since last night. I really hope I'm wrong but I had a similar thing happen to me last October - weeks of chatting etc but I got a sob story message a couple of hours before our first date. I believed him. Another week of chatting. He blew me off just before the second date. I was so pissed off. Then he ghosted me for a week. Then he got back in contact claiming a smashed phone. I told him where to go. But in true JeSuis style I couldn't drop it and went nuclear on his arse a week later. He confessed he'd made it all up, and thought I was completely out of his league and was terrified of meeting me. We never met in the end but we still chat occasionally. Your situ is a bit different as you've already met your iron so 🤞🏻 for you.

MrC deserved the T&T in bed - I haven't seen him for a week and the poor lad was exhausted 🙈

@Sunshineandflipflops I think MrSAS is exactly what you need to see you through the summer. Sounds like a good plan 👍🏻

@Crustaceans Happy anniversary to you and MrSG 🥳🥰

@LooUpdate Hope you and MrShakes have got your next date lined up, sounds like you've got the full package now.... there's always room for one more on the smitten bench.

@scotgal2017 I started OLD last October - my first date I ended up with for 4 months 🙄, then I had a crazy time of dating loads (ONS/FWB), then I met MrC in April and been with him for 3 months. I'm naturally a one man kind of woman. I like being in a relationship. I want to be someone's special someone. I enjoyed being married on the whole (apart from the last few years - his infidelity). Trying to find a man who wants the same seems nigh on impossible sometimes. And I still don't know whether I've struck lucky with MrC or whether it will fizzle out at some stage because we are in very different places in our lives. He may yet decide he wants kids, and that will be the end of us 🤷‍♀️ and he'll never move to where I live which means uprooting DD if we ever get that far, but I suppose being in a "partnership" means communication and compromise on both sides and I'm pretty damn happy with the way things are at the moment.

@Coffeeandchocolate9 I suppose I have it a bit easier as I work in the funeral business so he turned to me to advise him what he should be doing on a practical level. I was the first person he told of his mothers death of which I'm really honoured that he thinks that highly of me. We've been messaging for so long that it really feels we've known each for ages. I'm not sure where you're up to with Mr5in1. MrTall has had a really tough couple of weeks and I asked him if I should leave him be and he said 'no, it's you keeping my feet on the ground so please don't go' we've only been on 4 or 5 dates but really are inseparable when we're together...he took me out to lunch today and he's just left now. He finds it hard to leave and I don't want to let him go at all.

What is your gut telling you? If he didn't ever message you again how would you feel about that? Would you be upset or would you think never mind onward and upward?

@scotgal2017 how smashed was his screen to not be able to read it? I just cracked mine and I am writing from it. The only damage I have seen turn a screen black is water damage.

Additionally people backs up phone numbers so if your phone is stolen you don't lose all your contacts. This syncs up with a new phone, although possible since I don't save all numbers of people I talk to (or new numbers may take a few days to backup).

Most people will also back up WhatsApp messages so if you install WhatsApp in a new phone you get the history there. But also possible that he doesn't backup WhatsApp. Did you write to him after this "screen smashing"? That should open a chat window... whether he had your phone number in contacts or not and allow him to reply back. About him been online, it is not relevant. He probably got a temporary phone and was using WhatsApp. That doesn't mean he had your chat there if not backedup. But if you saw the "typing a message" in your window, that means he indeed had your number and conversation open.

Sorry for the amount of words, I tried my best to explain and look at all possibilities. hath

But at the end, above all of the above, is how you felt and feel about the dates, about him, and how was your communication before the alleged broken phone

My understanding of WhatsApp is that it shows recent activity no matter what they've been doing, so they could be chatting with someone else - it's not necessarily clicking onto their chat with you.

Honestly, I think modern tech has made me more anxious/neurotic than ever before.

butterflyfed I don’t read that message as being at all ambivalent nor does it sound like the ball is in his court - why would you not message him back? I think he’s looking for reassurance

@butterflyfed I have ADHD too. I think your reply back to him was pretty blunt. I know it's common for us to do! I think you two need to speak rather than message.

Messaging with an iron on Tinder - he is HOT. Out of my league and 6 years younger, but I can but dream

Mr TBD is 32 to my 38 (almost to the day!) and super hot in my view. Still bagged him. I say go for it!

@butterflyFed I think he really likes you and just wants to know if you feel the same!! His reply was ok, message him back!! And then maybe meet up to discuss it face to face.

morenice oh I’m going for it, hard! But realistically 😊

Mr TDB, oops.

Excellent, @CassettesAreCool! It's quite the ego boost.

MrTall is hot and out of my league! I went for it and managed to bag him. He looks like Judge Rinder!

@CassettesAreCool do you have to swipe right on each other in Tinder? I've never used it...but if so he must have swiped right on you?

Mr SAS is SO f-ing hot. Probably why I'm in no rush to move on 😂

@Sunshineandflipflops have you had the exclusive chat again? If not, will you?

@kermitrulesok No and no. I know where he is with monogamy and even if he said otherwise now I'd probably never trust him completely anyway.

@Sunshineandflipflops that's a shame but fully understand where you're coming from. I firmly believe there is another MrSAS out there who will be into monogamy

@kermitrulesok Alhough we've just been having a WhatsApp conversation and I told him that he kids were asking who I'd been out with this weekend (they have been at their dad's) so I said my friend, Mr SAS.

He said that his daughter knows all about his friend called sunshineandflipflops and she said he always has a smile on his face when he talks about me 😊

I replied that maybe he should hang onto her and he said he intends to when he sees me this week 😂

Not the declaration I was hoping for but still...😉

Awww that's really lovely

Meanwhile MrArt is still in contact and keeps trying to get friendly. I like him but I won't be going there again!

He is hoping to move out of his parents house soon and said I should go to his house warming party. I would go but I think he would want more than a drink with me...