Ok, XXVaginaAndAUterus here under a new name!
@Looupdate you sound much more like you've got your head firmly on your shoulders now 🙂 I do think sexting and reality can be very different, but they do seem to match some of the time, too 😉
At risk of gong over old stuff again, given that his ED might be caused by nerves, it can be counter productive to do anything other than play it down, even if it IS a big deal to you down inside. I'm getting along very well with Mr 5in1 because we were refreshingly honest with each other from date 1 (well, even from chatting before it) so I am a fan of emotional intimacy from day 1 and courageous honestly, but even in my shoes if he has trouble getting it up tonight (our first time dtd fully ) I'll not be saying anything that conveys my disappointment, because it simply won't help anything and I imagine would be very painful to hear and guys already know that and fear rejection because of it, so the cycle wouldn't get broken. If you can help him to relax, there's a much better chance it will work, and once it works once his confidence will be boosted, which means it's likely to have broken the cycle.
I also, because of aforementioned emotional intimacy and status, would after the moment if it doesn't work tonight, be having a gentle conversation about if it's happened before, has pills or anything worked, can I do anything to help, there's no pressure at all from me, I am looking forward to the time when it does happen but am just happy being near and holding him, etc, come here and kiss me, let me hug you, etc. And I'd perhaps very much privately only in my head, set a time limit - a month, two maybe, to see what happened in that time, and to deal with my own fears if I had been in your shoes. Was he keen and willing to please me even if his tackle wasn't working? Did he try things that could help, and/or go to the doctors, or did he want to bury his head in the sand? And if after that time period it wasn't making good progress, call it a day for some other reason, because you can gift him that kindness.
All of which I'm kindof assuming is your plan, and that you're not about to point in horror and run away actually screaming out loud.
@Ratbagcatbag yes sorry I name checked the wrong person - mumsnet or my phone was displaying very weirdly - sorry about that! I concur with the numbers game comment - you'll have future dates you don't want to end too. I always like to meet them early, because I wasted months on one guy getting attached and keen and sexting only to find when I met him that his photos were 10 years out of date and he was a right weirdo, and I really, really did not want to dtd with him. The short date is just you getting somebody that's wrong for you out of the way in preparation for a better one!