Husband broke my glasses on purpose

[Sickofit1]

My husband has just intentionally broken my glasses, we had a huge row which escalated from nothing. I have pregnancy hormones and he just fuels it, then says he’s leaving us, then I started having a panic attack not because he said he is leaving because I couldn’t care less just because I can’t believe he would start this crap over nothing in the morning just before i’m about to drop the kids off. He never stops if he puts me in that state which just upsets me even more as I just feel I didn’t do anything to deserve this and can’t understand why i’m always in this position. Anyways then he intentionally broke my glasses and sunglasses so I can’t even drive, I couldn’t drop the kids he had to as a result.

I want him out but he doesn’t leave. I refuse to leave and disrupt the kids out of their home. I’m not willing to make a domestic scene as I don’t want that on my kids record. Is there any right I have just to remove him without making it sound really bad?

I had so many things to do today, but as usual my mood now is so low.

I’m so sick of feeling like this
It’s every weekend too
I’m sick of crying
I’m so drained

So you are with an abusive prick.
You know you need to get away.
It doesn't matter if you leave or he does.
You need your DC out of this situation ASAP.
Please contact Womens Aid, they can help you with an exit plan.
Also Shelter can advise on housing.
I'd also contact CAB.
What is the housing situation?
Renting? Mortgage? In who's name?

Emotionally abusive
Not really physically
Yes broken my item though

I don’t really want the whole typical Mumsnet he’s so evil run to women’s aid
It’s not like that
I can go to a hotel if I need, we both own the property. I just want him to move out instead of me as why should I move three peoples things out (me and the kids) all their toys etc when he is one person and should go

What hellsbellsmelons has written here. Its not atypical that he refuses to leave.

As well as contacting Womens Aid I would seek legal advice re separation and divorce asap; he is not above the law here. The Rights of Women organisation can help you as well.

"I don’t really want the whole typical Mumsnet he’s so evil run to women’s aid
It’s not like that"

But it is like that. He's already broken your glasses today and he will continue to break your spirit as well. His emotional abuse towards you damages them as well. Your children are like sponges; they are learning about relationships from the two of you, what are you both teaching them here?. What he is doing here to you as their mother is a crime.

Your house is but bricks and mortar and is certainly no sanctuary at this time for your children either. Seeking legal ways to get him out of your home is the way forward here.

He will continue to remain abusive and otherwise obstructive after you have separated from him as well but this is no reason either not to proceed with separating from him.

It is like that. Would he deliberately break the glasses of someone at work? No, because there would be consequences. He does this to you because he thinks he can get away with it. Are you going to let him? What will he break of yours next?

He’s preventing you leaving by making it so you can’t drive. That’s incredibly abusive.

I would say he has a big involvement in the panic attack.

I’m not willing to make a domestic scene as I don’t want that on my kids record.

Such bollocks. Your kids 'record'? What on earth are you thinking?

If you don't want to leave him then at least own it.

Breaking "stuff" is still physical abuse - it's violence.

What did you expect people to say? Breaking your things deliberately, leaving you so you can't see to drive anywhere is abusive.

Yes he should go but from what you've said it's unlikely he'd leave without a fuss. I know you don't want to contact women's Aid but they would be able to advise you with this.

Livia is right. He's not just broken your glasses, he's trapped you unable to drive anywhere. That's far more calculating than breaking your favourite mug.
You don't want the marriage to continue, so you need to get advice how to end it as painlessly for the children as possible. If that means getting legal advice to get him moved out, then so be it.

Practically, can you afford to replace the glasses? You might find that an optician would be able to fit your current lenses in a new frame.

You don't want that on your kids
'Record' . I have no idea what that means but it's the least of your worries.
Breaking your possessions deliberately is abuse.
When will you decide enough is enough? When he breaks the kids toys because they've upset him? When you have a broken arm? Or worse?
This will only escalate. Get your act today and stop making excuses. Be the example your children need.
I don't mean to sound harsh because I've been through what you have and wish someone had shaken sense into me back then.

If you don't want to leave then ring the police to get him removed. He is a cunt.
Breaking your glasses so that you can not see properly is a deliberate act of malice and control.
More harm will be done to your children staying in this relationship than it will getting rid of him.

I’m so sorry that you are in this situation. Sadly to move forward I think you need to understand that:

1. you are in an abusive relationship
2. you’re not doing your children any favours by staying

If you don’t want the support of some of the organisations suggested here then can you get friends or family to help you? And can you hire a solicitor? They should be able to explain your next steps and rights. You’re going to have to get more proactive about this then just asking him to leave.

I have to agree with everyone else here. Protecting your kids' "record" (whatever that means) and even remaining in the same home aren't the priorities here. I know it's incredibly hard to face having to move out and move the kids out, but if he won't do it, you're going to have to make some hard choices. They will be worth it if you and the kids aren't living with someone who abuses and controls you.

I really feel for you about the glasses. I am blind as a bat without mine and would be trapped and unable to carry out day to day activities, much less drive. He has been really cruel.

I would definitely report the glasses breaking to the police. He did it deliberately to prevent you from being able to drive that is serious. What will he break next time?

He is like that, OP. If you won't get advice from women's aid, would you go to a solicitor?

Let him do the school run until the holidays. Shame it's not the first week of term.

Women's aid offer advice and support, not just accommodation. They are busy though. This is abuse and you may be able to get an order for him to go. See a solicitor asap, today if you can (free if you qualify for legal aid) and find out your rights and how to protect yourself and children. It will not harm your children's record that you are taking steps to keep you all safe

Your kids record isn't the bit that matters. Wether it's written on an official form or not they are growing up in a world where their parents are at best are fighting with each other and should be separated and at worse watching (even if the aren't in the same room) one parent abusing the other!

One of you has to be strong enough to protect them and it won't be him will it?

Mn gives that advice because just hoping the partner leaves isn't an option that will work.

I know you think you are doing your best for them by trying to keep everything as best as you can but think of it it this way for a minute.
Replace husband with flood/fire/hurricane. You can't control the other thing no matter how hard you try, it will destroy what it does wether you are standing against it or not, eventually you need to decide when is enough and get you and the kids to safety and get the professionals involved and hope the destruction can be lessened because you have others helping and you have removed yourself and the kids from the middle of it.

This is terrible OP. It's so calculated it's horrifying. It's such overt controlling behaviour that it should leave you in no doubt that you need to leave.

You seem to be more bothered about what people think, than the safety of you and your children.

Breaking your glasses to stop you from going out is abusive. If you want him out, call the police and tell them. If you don't want to do that, speak to Women's Aid and they can advise you. Have you seen a solicitor?

I'm not really sure what you want from this post. Are you just venting?

I understand your reluctance to have things ‘on record’. I was mortified to have a referral to children’s services and felt ashamed to have to speak to a social worker. But they are there to protect your children. They were happy with me (it’s my ex who was the issue) and, if it all goes pear shaped in the future, concerns are on record and I have evidence I’m doing what I can to protect my child.

If your children mention mummy and daddy arguing and daddy broke mummy’s glasses you’re likely to get referred for safeguarding purposes by the school. Quite convenient for daddy that mummy can’t drive to school today? We can tell you you’re in an abusive relationship but you need to recognise it yourself. And take action to protect your children. If that means something is ‘on record’ so be it.