Husband broke my glasses on purpose

[Sickofit1]

My husband has just intentionally broken my glasses, we had a huge row which escalated from nothing. I have pregnancy hormones and he just fuels it, then says he’s leaving us, then I started having a panic attack not because he said he is leaving because I couldn’t care less just because I can’t believe he would start this crap over nothing in the morning just before i’m about to drop the kids off. He never stops if he puts me in that state which just upsets me even more as I just feel I didn’t do anything to deserve this and can’t understand why i’m always in this position. Anyways then he intentionally broke my glasses and sunglasses so I can’t even drive, I couldn’t drop the kids he had to as a result.

I want him out but he doesn’t leave. I refuse to leave and disrupt the kids out of their home. I’m not willing to make a domestic scene as I don’t want that on my kids record. Is there any right I have just to remove him without making it sound really bad?

Fine. So why exactly are you posting on here then just to get pissed off with people and vent your superior attitude? Seriously? If you've got it all figured out what's the point of the thread?

Go and do what you need to do!

If you have the money and want to do it without any fuss then you moving out is the only realistic option.

Find a place to rent, move out, file for divorce.

Those "weak" women who enlist the help of Women's Aid are actually strong as fuck to realise they need the help, and to see the absolute harm that's being done to their children by their mum staying in an abusive relationship.

Most of the time any segueing happens when they aren’t here or asleep

They are happy

But I’m aware it needs to stop that’s why we are separating

What the f do you want me to do
What more can I do here
Do you want me to say my kids are unhappy always crying and asking questions
When they aren’t and I know it can get worse where kids can really be upset
What about them then
Are they all in the same group when some see years of it

My relationship crumbled because we just dnt have much in common, from that stemmed arguing about lack of sleep etc

Not just crazy pulls me by the hair the kid watching
Because that happens
And I’m not going to say they are the same thing because it isnt

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Of course you can tell the police, you are choosing not to for flimsy reasons that are to do with your own incorrect perceptions of how you would look and to others.

Your ethnic background is also irrelevant here. People can be nosy but you leaving your marriage won't be a topic of conversation amongst them. Where did all this thinking come from?.

And the way you speak about women who are victims of DV living with seriously abusive men is extremely dismissive, extremely unpleasant and completely out of order.

Agreed @Ninkaninus

Those "weak" women who enlist the help of Women's Aid are actually strong as fuck to realise they need the help, and to see the absolute harm that's being done to their children by their mum staying in an abusive relationship

I agree
I could be in that stage if I stayed for a few years
But I’m not
Sooooooooooo again what do u want me to do here
PRETEND I’m in a more vulnerable position than I am?

• Do you want me to say my kids are unhappy always crying and asking questions When they aren’t and I know it can get worse where kids can really be upset*

Research shows it's far more common for kids to internalise things.

You're missing the point op. It's your attitude that sucks.

You've got it sussed. You've got the money and your kids are fine so fgs just move out and see a solicitor. Simples.

I think people are just mentioning that Women's Aid is one of many tools you can use (and those of us who have used it aren't weak in some way!). No one is saying that you HAVE to use it. I went to them just to talk to some people who were clued up about domestic abuse (not everyone is) and get a chance to talk to someone sensible about my options.

I think I will do what I have to and that’s that rather than talking it through before doing it and then being talked out of it by them

If that works for you, that's fine. I was lucky that I had my family in my corner, when I finally opened up to them about what was going on, and that was a big help to me. I questioned myself a lot when I was making the decision and that's very common. It helped to have other people to talk to as a reality check now and again.

But everyone's situation is a bit different. I didn't need to involve the police or go to court. My H actually did agree to move out (after a lot of waffling and being a general pain in the arse).

Whatever you do, keep in mind that it can take months to sort housing out and you may find yourself still living under the same roof for some time. This is when it can be really helpful to have legal advice, as well as someone sensible (whether that's Women's Aid or a trusted friend or family member) to be able to sound off to when he is being a massive arse.

You argue whilst they are asleep or when they are not here.

Well that is just as awful for them because they can and do pick up on all the vibes.

Sound travels and they do hear noise from their bedrooms and it more likely than not awakens them. They are scared too, they will lie there awake and wonder what the hell is going on. I sincerely hope they do not blame themselves but they could well do.

My husband has just intentionally broken my glasses, we had a huge row which escalated from nothing. I have pregnancy hormones and he just fuels it, then says he’s leaving us, then I started having a panic attack not because he said he is leaving because I couldn’t care less just because I can’t believe he would start this crap over nothing in the morning just before i’m about to drop the kids off. He never stops if he puts me in that state which just upsets me even more as I just feel I didn’t do anything to deserve this and can’t understand why i’m always in this position. Anyways then he intentionally broke my glasses and sunglasses so I can’t even drive, I couldn’t drop the kids he had to as a result.

So this all happened while the kids were asleep?

And they were about to go to school when their dad kicked off at you this morning and broke two pairs of your glasses. They must have been utterly frightened for their own selves and you as their mother. Your home is now no sanctuary for them.

Your kids life is already disrupted and you will ruin their childhood and it will have a massive impact on their whole life....he needs to go before he destroys everything and everyone in his path

It’s a shame that you can’t stand up to you’re “normally lovely” dp when you’ve no problem being a judgemental, sneery arsehole on here. 🤷🏻‍♀️

He broke your glasses so you couldn’t drive. You said it was this morning while you were getting the kids ready for school. And that you had a panic attack because of it.

Yes, yes. Lovely, calm, together environment for the children.

If you want to bury your head in the sand and worry about social media and gossip have at it. But don’t fucking judge the women who did what was necessary to give their children an actual safe environment and not just the appearance of one.

What do you want everyone to suggest OP?

Nobody is forcing you to contact women's aid.

You have the means to separate from your abusive husband. So do it. Get legal advice pronto. Get your solicitor to suggest it's in the children's best interest if he leaves the house Etc etc.

Or just leave in the meantime and sort the financials out later

I suggest do this ASAP in order to spare you and your children more heartache

It is strong, clever, strategic women who use the tools available to them to make a better life for themselves and their children.

Oh and they probably know, the secrecy and the ‘EVERYTHING’S 100% FINE HERE’ facade was really traumatic for me, but I then put up my own convincing ‘happy’ facade - because that’s what my parents had taught me to do, right - and so they could tell themselves it was Fine, All, Fine. Trapped in the nice-home-lovely-family, total cognitively dissonant position.

You are obviously very angry and frustrated. Him breaking your glasses was very controlling and abusive. Do you have a spare pair, or a previous pair where the prescription is not too out of date? If you could get a taxi to somewhere like Vision Express then you might be able to get a new pair today.

Whether you go the Women's Aid route or not, surely it would be wise to get some legal advice on what to do regarding the house, and whether you can force a sale?

Your comments about not wanting to be seen as weak by needing Women's Aid were unfortunately ill judged. Lots of very able, intelligent and strong women have needed their help to get out of abusive relationships. Those who read this will not appreciate you implying that they are weak. They may well lay into you for that, and with justification. You need to think before you post comments like that, even if the underlying cause of them is your own shock and anger clouding your judgement.

I do think that you should call the police to get this abusive arsewipe out of the house.

I think you are going to have to make a scene here to be honest. It doesnt sound like hes going to leave quietly. I do thi k you should ring womens aid for advice. It's not only for extremes... it's also for situations like this one where an emotionally abusive man wont leave when you ask him to. You need proper advice on how to get him out. Try the police as well. I thi k if you really want him to leave you have to be determined to do it any way you can. I agree that you shouldnt leave the family home.

OP you're being advised to speak to WA/police for two reasons. Firstly because they are knowledgable and can help you figure out the best way forward for you with regards to the house etc, which was, I believe, your original question. And second because there is abuse in your relationship and we have posters here with a wealth of knowledge about abusive behaviour who can see how this might develop. Going through the 'proper' channels now affords you (and more importantly DC) some protection if his behaviour deteriorates.

It's sensible advice which focuses on yours and DC's safety and well being rather than your embarrassment and fear of being gossiped about, I hope you'll be able to see that at some point.

I think I now realize why domestic violence calls are so dangerous for the police to attend when help is offered there is such a conflict of emotions for the abused

The Harvard and Johns Hopkins researchers concluded that no other single factor was more significantly related to illness than the degree of parental closeness one enjoyed growing up. In fact, lack of parental closeness was a more significant contributor to later disease than smoking, drinking, parental divorce, having a parent die, or being exposed to harmful, toxic environmental substances.

He’s left now and won’t be sleeping here.
All amicable
We both agree

Someone said above I think it’s weak to go to women’s aid, it’s very frustrating when some people on here send patronising comments therefore in just a few lines I have to try to articulate something which may not come out how it would if I was speaking face to face. I meant I don’t feel in a vulnerable position to call them. I just wanted to know if there was a general right to a house because of not disrupting kids.
I’m aware now no there isn’t unless you do go down these routes.
I think I probably confuse women’s aid as a refugee too. I’ve never spoken to them.

Anyways he’s gone and it’s fine. I’m fine. Which is also the reason I don’t feel the need to call the police, there’s nothing for them or anyone else to do at this present moment.
I think the problem with me posting on here is I can’t explain everything and so people assume the worst. He didn’t break my glasses so that I couldn’t drive in a calculating way, he broke them in the heat of the moment which was ridiculous and then I said well you’re taking the kids now I can’t drive. My eyesight isn’t the worst I just use them for long sighted.
I guess I was getting riled up before because some people’s comments were so patronising like I’m crazy and I’m not aware this behaviour is wrong- I’m aware hence why he’s left. Or cocky responses that I said it happens when they were asleep but this was in the morning- for crying out loud it happened in the morning and I told him to leave, I’m not saying this is happening and I love him and don’t want to leave him?!!