Husband broke my glasses on purpose

[Sickofit1]

My husband has just intentionally broken my glasses, we had a huge row which escalated from nothing. I have pregnancy hormones and he just fuels it, then says he’s leaving us, then I started having a panic attack not because he said he is leaving because I couldn’t care less just because I can’t believe he would start this crap over nothing in the morning just before i’m about to drop the kids off. He never stops if he puts me in that state which just upsets me even more as I just feel I didn’t do anything to deserve this and can’t understand why i’m always in this position. Anyways then he intentionally broke my glasses and sunglasses so I can’t even drive, I couldn’t drop the kids he had to as a result.

I want him out but he doesn’t leave. I refuse to leave and disrupt the kids out of their home. I’m not willing to make a domestic scene as I don’t want that on my kids record. Is there any right I have just to remove him without making it sound really bad?

Women's aid is not for weak people.

You need to prove how strong you are and speak to a solicitor. They will need as much evidence as possible to enable you to stay in your home with the kids, though. That's where talking to women's aid comes in.

Like I said I don’t want my kids to look like they are from challenged background because they aren’t.

Sorry when did I say he wasn’t abusive? I don’t think I did

Ok.

Reporting to the police is not the same as making an announcement on social media

You can get him out through the legal channels without telling people (other than police and legal people) what actually happened.

However it seems that you think you have something to be ashamed of, that it's somehow your fault for choosing him (you weren't to know he would become abusing) and for being abused (nope it's all on him).

become abusive

Life is not a series of things happening beyond your control. You are deeply unhappy. Leave.

TBH OP, I know you don't want a fuss, but it getting it on record with the police will help you in the future, even if you move out. It establishes a back story, so if he starts harassing you in your new home, reporting you as crazy to the social services or lying through the law courts, you can point to these past incidents.

do I want to just not make a fuss, move out get a house and continue and if anyone asks say purely we didn’t get on - I rather that option

Why would you keep his secrets?

Also, if you don't go to the police, you won't have a leg to stand on when you want to prohibit your children's contact with an abuser.

I don’t see it as keeping his secrets
I have to stress he’s not like this every day
I feel normally it’s a weekend thing that’s when I’m normally so upset
But I think it correlates with him having a end of the week drink which makes him so moody the day after.

I don’t see how it would benefit my kids everyone bad mouthing him, he could be completely different with another woman
We could just not be compatible
We’re not celebrities where everything needs to be plastered on the news and I definitely don’t want parents and children talking at the school as word goes round.
I know people personally in the police and probably why I feel like that about the police
I’m not white I’m from a different ethnic background where people are gossipy and nosy as fuk

It’s a shame but I don’t feel like I can tell the police due to people who have a big mouth
Police telling their spouses - unfortunately it happens

I think these days social media doesn’t help
Makes people feel like everyone else is happy as Larry and can make a relationship work
You just feel like how embarrassing

"I don’t really want the whole typical Mumsnet he’s so evil run to women’s aid It’s not like that"

oh dear

From someone who has been there.

As soon as you get shot of him you are going to find out everyone already knew anyway and were just waiting for you to wise up. You will get plenty of respect for standing up for yourself and your dc. Don't worry about other people so much.

Change isn't necessarily fuss, just see it as well needed home improvement and get it done!

Most of us who were in abusive relationships ended up there because of our own choices--we didn't get married because someone held a gun to our head.

That doesn't mean we aren't entitled to the sources of help and support we feel are necessary to help us change our lives. We don't have to be ashamed that we made poor decisions (just try to learn how to not do it all over again, haha.)

Depending on what your H is like, you may need to fight tooth and nail for fair treatment for you and the children. Or maybe it won't be that bad. It's up to you to decide how you want to prepare and what kind of tools you want to use.

FWIW, I never logged anything with the police either. I did speak with solicitors, with Women's Aid, to counsellors, and with my GP so I would have a paper trail in case it was necessary (among other reasons).

I would suggest you speak with a solicitor (or a handful of them if you want a range of views) to discuss specifics.

Do you feel your family would be supportive if you talked to them about it? Leaving aside the question of "I don't want other people to know about it" entirely?

oh OP.
Your DC know.
Your neighbours know.
At the moment your priority needs to be making a better life for your DC and yourself.

My DC (who had never heard a cross word during my divorce) told the nursery/after school club all about what Daddy had been up to: the things he'd broken etc. It was mortifying, but would have been more so if I had still been with him at the time.

You have a weird idea of what abused women look like op. And honestly you're being incredibly judgemental. If you don't want the social stigma then simply use your money to take him to court. But I guarantee a man who is happy to break your glasses won't be reasonable so hoping for that is pointless. Use the law and perhaps adjust your attitude

Your embarrassment doesn't trump your kids need for safety and stability in their own home. However much you think they aren't being affected, they are, is that really less important to you than you being embarrassed because people might know your business?

When you say he's emotionally abusive, but 'not really physically', could you elaborate? That makes me think he has perhaps been physically abusive?

Please don't think domestic abuse doesn't happen to people like you, and remember, if people get to hear about it, the shame is his, not yours. Report him.

You’re right OP. You’re not like all those other women that seek help from places like Women’s Aid.

You don’t have a fraction of their strength or insight and you’re more concerned about appearances than the reality of your situation.

If there is that much gossip, then what people already know is his dad was abusive, and he is abusive like his dad.

@CousinKrispy

Family all love him, but some know he’s been making me unhappy. I think I will do what I have to and that’s that rather than talking it through before doing it and then being talked out of it by them

@S1naidSucks

For fuck sake
No ones putting them down
I just don’t need them
I’m not financially fucked over where I’m not leaving because I have no where to go
I’m not scared of him

I am so happy that support is out there for women including my mother inlaw
But I just don’t need it so it doesn’t relate to me or maybe I assume it’s for people who really need it whilst I have family, and I’m not going so ring and meet and talk wasting someone’s time

If they can give legal advice great
But I’m not going to waste someone’s time when I know I can just leave, but a new home. He agrees we shouldn’t be together
And I would be fair where he can see the kids
SO I JUST DONT SEE THE NEED FOR IT
WHAT THE HELL IS THE ISSUE WITH THAT

For those jumping on the OP please don't. You have no idea the mental agility that goes on in the mind of a domestic abuse victim to try to renegotiate normal, it is a safety mechanism and it is a daily battle that has been fought years and will take a long time to undo.

Be kind. She is taking the first step here.

What exactly do people want me to ring women’s aid for
If I feel I don’t need it

Say what
Hi my husband and me don’t get on - we bring the worst out in eschother

Are you happy to leave do u have somewhere to go

Yes and yes

Do you need money
No

Are you scared of him
No

Is he stopping you from leaving
No

Is he beating you up
No he’s emotionally abusive and he broke my glasses

Are you ok
Yes I’m fine

??????????????

They are happy children

No. They really aren't. They are living a daily, toxic, nightmare. If you think they aren't aware of the situation you're, sadly, very wrong. Chronic Unpredictable Toxic Stress. Google it, then decide if you want that on their "record" with the mountain of shit that follows it. Anxiety, depression, chronic pain, autoimmune disease, chronic fatigue. If you are willing to engage in a battle of wills it's your children who will ultimately suffer.

I think you are being very sensible prioritsing a stable home and consistancy in education for your children while you seperate. It is far easier for him to find alternative accomodation than it is for the rest of the family, and he is the one who is causing the problems within it.

If you talk to a solicitor you should be able to get a residence order - its usually time limited, to work out where you all go next, that will give you sole residency of the house while you work out what to do about maintainance/selling the house/work patterns.

Womens aid will give you more info on this, its foolish not to take the support that is available for people in your position, and instead martyr yourself and your children by moving out.