Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

On the previous page, even 😂

shitwith is everything ok with you and MrB now?
Was a bit worried for you as it's hurtful and difficult to know what to do when somebody appears to push you away when you're offering support. I confess I have a tendency to do the same when things get tough and retreat into a little self contained bubble and can be quite cold and blunt. Doesn't mean I don't care I just prefer to deal with stuff on my own, but is one of a few things I know I could have done better in my marriage so needs to change.
But hopefully this first bump in the road will bring you closer together and help understand each other better.

I've lost my login details so had to start a new account, but I'm ILiketheNiceCereal

Met someone last night who is actually on my wavelength, we had a lot of laughs. He is kind of adorable.

Just love reading all the happy posts on here
Really good to know that it can work. Sometimes hard to believe it will but I guess patience is the thing.
Because my distance is set low I don’t get much choice round here; seems to be the same guys there month after month. They probably say that about me too though . I keep trying to come off the apps for a while but the temptation is too strong. And I really do want to meet someone.

This could be my problem - maybe I am appearing somewhat desperate...

I totally agree with @JeSuisPrest’s posts too. Very well put.

@NotAProperGrownUp The kids will get used to overnights with their dad, even if they’re clingy right now. It’s probably important that they do this both for their relationship with your ex and to give you a break.

@Sunshineandflipflops I think a kid in a car accident is a really specific reason (not vague sick family member stuff). I’d assumed it’s true really.

I had to take MrSG to an urgent care centre very late last night for a sore bollock. It’s probably some kind of milestone in a relationship where you are willing to share details of embarrassing medical issues. He’s fine, btw. Came away with antibiotics and codeine (although that’s annoying because doctors so often tend to just expect you to suffer through gynaecological pain with a couple of paracetamol, but apparently hand out boxes of opiates if a man has a sore bollock).

@Savoretti I set my distance really low because I just wasn’t willing to travel far. I’ve got a FT job, kids (one of whom has a stupidly time consuming hobby) and frankly couldn’t be bothered making my life more logistically complex. I live in an urban area though. I might have had to accept more travel for dating if I was out in the sticks.

@Ant330 I think a lot of men do that. My ex was an emotional log. Mr U also does it it seems. It is quite hurtful. Re the giving advice/trying to sort things out stuff. I also think that's human nature. My ex used to try to solve everything to the extent that I became wary of voicing any slight difficulty even small practical things as he'd rush out and buy something when I was often just thinking out loud.

I realised very quickly with mr U that he doesn't want anything solving he wants an ear. And when he says he's leaving the uk and giving up he doesn't want persuading otherwise he wants an ear. It's bloody hard work though just listening and not pointing out solutions!

I wonder how @Lovemusic33 is. Going to find her thread

Thanks for thinking of me. I'm stuck in hospital still waiting for surgery, they couldn't fit me in last night but didn't tell me until 10.30pm, I was fed a stale sandwich and have now been put back on nil by mouth. Hoping to go into surgery before 12am.

@lovemusic33 if you're anywhere near London, Kent or Sussex I could bring you some food tomorrow - or anything in fact. I would offer today but have a couple of commitments I can't get out of. I hope your operation goes well.

Oh @Lovemusic33 what a nightmare for you. I hope they get you in asap.

Poor you @Lovemusic33. I’m hoping you get your surgery soon.

stealth I'm in the sw. Just seen a doctor and now I have to have a ultrasound to rule out something else so surgery put back or might not even happen. I'm rubbish at being ill and staying in bed so I'm feeling pretty fed up. Hopefully having ultrasound in the next hour.

Good to hear from you @Lovemusic33 though sorry you are in limbo.

That sounds rubbish but I guess the best scenario would be if surgery wasn't needed and you could get better with drugs? I hope your dc and dog are well without you.

Sorry you are in limbo @Lovemusic33 and I hope you get well soon.

I think I do believe Mr Psych about his son but I still don't actually know if we are meeting tonight and it's stressing me out!

I hope it gets sorted soon @Lovemusic33. At least you’re in hospital, so they can act quickly as necessary.

That does sound frustrating, @Sunshineandflipflops. I’d want to know the plan too so I can organise my life. I’m not keen on waiting for others like that.

Sending love to you love 😘

sunshine is Mr SAS available as back up?

I’m off to see Mr Big tonight. Not really sure how it’s gonna go. He wants to take me for dinner but I don’t think I can handle dating him but been non exclusive. Think it needs to end OR go back a few stages to FWB. I know I know it needs to end 😂

morenice great! Where did you meet? Tell more

Super shitwith

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I don't know if he's available. I don't want to ask him in case this date is on as I wouldn't want to then cancel
on him maybe I should ask him and if he's free, tell Mr Psych I wasn't sure what was happening so I made other plans and maybe we can do it another time when things have settled down for him. The thing is, he can't have his phone all day at work so I don't see how I'll find out know until 6-ish and that's cutting it fine!

Anyway, I know how you feel (I think) re: Not being exclusive as I am in the same boat. I don't even know if MrSAS is even dating anyone else but I know he could and that's just as hard.

@Marlboroandmalbec34

We met on OkCupid. He's eventually after a ltr but knows that's not what I want/need and is happy to have fun for a while I think. We met for drinks last night and played exploding kittens in the pub. 😂 I love his sense of humour (and it wasn't just the wine!). He's intelligent and witty.

On the walk to our respective trains, he kissed me a few times. Swoon!

I shall call him Mr TallDarkandBearded, or TDB for short. Considered just Mr Beard but didn't like the implications there. 😅

Oh and he's already asked me for a second date so I need to figure out logistics. My dc are getting annoyed with me for going out so much. (I'm not, but they perceive it differently sigh)