Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Perfect @kermitrulesok I would just send that and then maybe check in later

Haven't found there are a lot of idiots on fab. Reading the veris isn't much insight not least because someone is hardly going to share a veri from someone who is crap. I do take note of those with a lot though but fortunately our paths rarely cross.

I'll check in later and see if he needs anything. I'm off my feet on crutches so not much use. I think he's going to need company and I'll gladly give that to him if he wants it

@JeSuisPrest thanks for letting us know about @Lovemusic33 too. Hoping the puppy helps her recover...

Ginmel by "idiots" I meant "cock posters"...

Is fab an app or website?

Off to read Love's thread. Thanks for the link.

kermit perfect, just check in later.

Oh lifegoes you are so lovely! Thank you x

jesuis thanks for linking to lovemusics thread. Hope she is ok

ilikethe it’s a website -not for the faint hearted 😂

@Marlboroandmalbec34

I have strict parental controls on our WiFi so it sounds like the delights of Fab will be out of my grasp forevermore. Ah well, I'm busy as it is.

Don't think that makes them idiots @averageguy it's a swinging site after all.

New thread, lots to catch up on, been a busy week so I'm well behind!
Apart from a minor incident yesterday evening when MissH got a call from an old flame and started panicking how I would react, all has been going swimmingly. She had a similar relationship last year as others have described, dating a man who turned out to be married and not separated and living with his mum as she thought. I think she therefore has some trust issues and said her reaction to the call if the situation was reversed might not have been quite so calm, and so we had a few tears as she worried it might fuck things up.
But that aside we had a lovely w/e with a night out on Sat and then a picnic with champers followed by a few hours in a pub garden yesterday. I'm a bit sunburnt today!
It's the time of the month so she's coming over tomorrow night to be pampered, and we've booked to go away camping the weekend after next with my dog.
Still firmly encamped on the smitten bench!
Time to play catch up on the thread but hope everybody's doing ok.

I've often wondered about posting my own tale of woe but it kind of smacks of being that guy that you all red flag when he says his ex- is mental, so I won't, and anyway that's too glib a way of describing her. But she was/is kind of an amalgam between @JeSuisPrest and @Sunshineandflipflops ex's. She went on to have a relationship with a married guy (and she knew it ) more than a decade her junior after we split and was then heartbroken when he dropped and blanked her at the drop of a hat.

Much happier times for me now though. I spent most of the weekend with MsMarxAndMarzipan and it was: way cool, hot and intimate, light and heavy, refreshing and exhausting, surprising with a feeling of inevitability. I am very much smitten.

I have read many of the posts recently documenting many online dating episodes - particularly @shitwithsugaron and the lovebombing married guy episode. It just seems like there is such a close correspondence between the direct line MsM&M and I have taken fairly instinctively, and the early experiences of dating gone bad that you all talk about, I kind of despair that there is so much fakery going on to increase the wariness levels that expressions of love and desire that are perfectly natural are now seen as red flags.

likethe Fab has a fairly decent phone friendly website.

Well,Mr eyes well and truly ghosted me last week after our second date ( third if you count the date from a few years ago).
Then his profile vanished off pof . So strange. Now I'm thinking everything he told me was a load of bollocks.
It took me to midweek to get over him,wondering what went wrong, but I reckon he must be with someone so onwards and up....off to catch up on the thread

kerkyra I’m so sorry this has happened. Of all the rubbish that is OLD, hearing tales of ghosting pisses me off the most. Is it an age thing? I’m mid 50s, only had dates with 50+ men and I’ve neither ghosted nor been ghosted. I just don’t get how people can be so rude.

@kerkyra I just don't get ghosting at all 🤷🏻‍♀️. How hard is to send a message saying "Hey, thanks for the couple of dates I had a great time and think you're a really nice person but I don't think that anything is going to develop romantically, so I wish you all the best. I'm sure it won't be long until you find that special someone you deserve, take care" or something along those lines - really a bit of kindness (and closure) goes a long way, and stops us beating ourselves up and wondering wtf we did wrong to warrant such shitty behaviour, when 99/100 it wasn't us at all. We're not all right for everyone, but we are right for someone. For me ghosting is part of the "throw away/kid in a sweet shop/always looking for something better" nature of OLD ☹

Thanks cassettes, I'm late forties and he was early forties so not that young. I had high hope's for that one and even messaged on here that I thought I'd found a good egg!
But there were a few amber flags that I overlooked. We were meant to be meeting sat eve,then he said he had to take his dad out so would have to be back home at 7pm to take him out. In the end he came over sat afternoon for a few hours. I txt him at 10 and he said he was out pubbing with an old friend??
Had said he was free sunday morning but when I txt he then replied was going bowling with a friend.
Things didnt add up and I never heard from him again.
When you're in it and they're texting you loads all through the week, mentioning going on holiday etc you kind of get swept up in it. I'm pleased we didnt have sex when he stayed over( not that theres anything wrong with that but I'm relieved)
I'm not having the best luck lol.
I'm in London on thurs,off to see a show. If anyone wants a vent/ laugh about our dating disasters,feel free to message and meet for an hour

Exactly jesuis a txt is all it would take and I would have been fine. I didnt want to double txt and be pushy but then I saw his profile had gone!?
Old is madness!!

@Ginmel Haha, he’s a close friend, so no worries, he will remain, I have to just remember to behave around him. I thought I had been fairly discrete then on Sunday my son said “why is O kissing that man (a dancer) and not you daddy?”. I’m like a 101 in how to mess up a kids boundaries!

@StealthNinjaMum my ex can go 2-4 weeks with out seeing or speaking to our son. Yet he asks for mediation and claims his son is his priority and he's pissed off that his parents know and do more with his son than he does. Yeah prick face, try communicating and seeing your son and maybe you won't need to be so pissed off 😡. We split ten months ago, I got £160 yesterday for his first months maintenance- where's the last ten bloody months worth? I brought this up in mediation and his response was he's been trying to sort his life out and a place to live. Eeeerrrrr what? You met someone within weeks and moved into her fully owned house, you probably had to pay towards bills (he refused to pay our mortgage yet made me move out) whilst I had to pay the mortgage and rent plus all the kids activities, food, clothes etc and have the kids 24/7 yet has a go at me for going out and using my mum or his to babysit. Gggrrrrr men.

That made me laugh @simonjt

Oh @Lillyrose19 that's shocking to hear. Me ex isn't as bad - and financially is pretty generous feels guilty - but he sees them once or twice a week for a few hours - often at my house where he just plays on his phone and ignores them. I wonder if he realises I am dating and is making it hard for me to go out by not babysitting.

I just stupidly messaged an old iron on fab as he checked out my new profile. I'm sure he recognised me.

Will shut the door, err at some point l.

Uh oh. He replied. Will see what happens. I may be about to get my fingers jammed in a door that should be closed...

Or it could go nowhere

Help! I messaged about a third date, asked what he thought we should do. He replied we could have a night in, make love all night and snuggle. Or walk the dogs. He’s so lovely (I think), and I have the full on fanny gallops for the first time in about 15 years! BUT I have two children who aren’t keen on a sleepover with ex and are still pretty clingy since the split. I also have a fattish mum tum. Aaargh!!!