Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@batshitcrazywoman thinking of you today
@sidge how spiteful of your ex! Hope you recover quickly.
@shitwithsugaron you deserve more - it was poor of him not to offer support when you needed it.

❤️ to you batshit lean on the marvellous Mr BC

sidge hope you’re feeling better. Glad Mr Eagle is been great (I forget was it him who met you at the airport and was supposed to be FWB?)

shitwith I am sorry Mr Bookworm isn’t offering you more support. I think you need to tell him. Yes you are a big girl but surely having a relationship means having someone support you when you’re feeling crap. Hope you are feeling more positive today

Good luck today @BatshitCrazyWoman. Hope you're ok @Sidge Mr Tall showed he cared when he came and got me from hospital...I was still off my face on GA and looked a right state!

That was me @Crustaceans but it's 7000 in 3 weeks not 1 you're right though it's not sustainable and is tailing off now we're seeing each other more. That's really pants of Mr B @shitwithsugaron especially all the support you gave him, agree with others you deserve more.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 no that was Mr Mystery, I switched him off as despite telling me he adored me nothing changed and I knew it never would.

I went back on Bumble just as a sort of furious revenge swipe to cheer myself up with some ego boosting dating. Had no plans to meet anyone serious (I was in that “fuck them all, all men are arseholes and I’m giving up on meeting anyone normal” mode) but met Mr Eagle and well here we are now 11 weeks later and it’s amazing. 😍

BatshitCrazyWoman I hope today goes as smoothly as possible. I'm glad you have support.

Super sidge pleased for you! It’s so hard keeping up with everyone’s irons

@BatshitCrazyWoman sorry you're going through so much at the moment but I hope today goes ok.

@Sidge thinking of you too x

@shitwithsugaron you and Mr B sounds like such a lovely couple. I hope he can be more supportive.

@Lovemusic33 I hope you're continuing to recover and are able to put your feet up despite the dc and puppy being so much work.

Mr R is texting a lot less too so I'm struggling a bit. One of my problems with ex was hiding my feelings when I was upset or worried until my feelings overwhelmed me so I know I need to communicate better but I am also trying to unpick how much of my feelings are irrational and due to insecurities caused by the horrible way my ex treated me. I am reading 'the chimp paradox' recommended by @mrdrummer and spending ten minutes a day thinking about my insecurities. I am aware that we all communicate differently, Mr R is more of an introvert so admits he's sometimes quiet, we've had the exclusive talk so maybe he's more relaxed, and he's been busy at work. I don't want to scare him away by being too demanding when his body language on dates suggest he adores me and we got the drunken l word so I guess I'll say nothing at the moment but it is hard.

Really happy for everyone on the smitten bench.

I feel like I'm the only one with no realistic prospects of sitting on that bench any time soon

I've been swiping madly but no-one has even come close to taking my fancy on any of the apps. I don't think I'm THAT fussy but I'm so sick of endless men with tops off, kids in photos, passive-aggressive bios, illiterate bios and men who "love to ski/surf/run/hike/play football/go on adventures", leaving me wondering where they would find the time to date and/or the interest in dating someone with kids.

So that's me...mood hoover of the day!

@Sunshineandlollipops YES to the awful bios...how many men can they get up these damn mountains? Virtually every man has a photo of them up Kilimanjaro. 🤬

I can't remember who said it on here previously, but I still laugh about it, something like:

Profile pic: cuddling drugged Tigers in Bali
Reality: Sat at home in their pants with a Tesco meal deal watching Netflix

If the bio is passable, I'd only use the photos for asertaining they were OK looking, rather than use them as an indicator of what they actually do in their spare time. Men on here excepted of course, 'cos they're a rare breed.

Sunshine you are not alone!

I'm still having absolutely no luck on the apps...

Mr TBD's main pic was of him about to eat a large ice cream sundae. Made me laugh and click further to see more about him. Most bios are such a bore.

Just out of interest (and for research purposes), where did everyone on here on the smitten bench meet their other halves? Which site/app?

Can I ask a Bumble question? Does your location automatically track, or does it only update if you open the app? So say I opened the app at home in the morning and then travelled, would one of my matches be able to see real-time locations as I travelled or just the last location I had the app open?

@Sunshineandflipflops I'd seen Mr C on POF and always liked the look of him whenever he appeared in the stack, but never swiped him because he had no kids and was in his 30's. Then I got into a relationship with MrAbs for 4 months. When I went back to the apps I set up a Tinder account and saw MrC on there as well - exactly the same pics and bio and had a "Fuck it, what's the worst that could happen?" swipe, I'm on holiday in Cornwall, let's see if I can hook a local for a weekend of chat . He matched with me later the same day. He had never swiped me on POF because I always kept my profile hidden (so I like to think).

Did you manage to get your login sorted in the end?

@JeSuisPrest So you don't live near each other?

@Sunshineandflipflops 30 miles away from each other (40 minute drive). When we matched orginally we were further apart than we are when I'm back home.

Sunshine POF for me as well.

Tinder for me and MrSG. He had photos (including one of him snowboarding) but no bio text at all. But I thought he looked nice and swiped anyway.

I’m of the opinion that the bios that say they like action activities are often attempts to impress you. What they really mean is that they went on a skiing holiday in 1993 and once walked up a bit of a hill in the Lake District.

I honestly felt like you did about all the apps @Sunshineandflipflops. I genuinely had decided that there was no one on there. I’d tried widening my search radius, increasing the age range and being really not picky and I was convinced there wasn’t a decent single man to be found in the region. Then I matched with MrSG and he was exactly what I’d been looking for.

I do think OLD is like plugging all your change into one of those fixed odds betting things. You keep doing it and not winning. The are sometimes what appear to be ‘near misses’ to suck you in further. And you do see other people winning occasionally. So you start to feel like it just you and you’re doing something wrong. But actually it’s crappy odds and sometimes people being pretty lucky, rather than anything else.

Insecurities are really hard @StealthNinjaMum. I have to work really hard to recognise and not respond to the various insecurities I’ve accumulated as a result of my previous relationship. It sounds like the chimp paradox is helping you.

Have you heard from MrB today @shitwithsugaron ?

OkCupid for MrTall...his bio was loooonnngggg! I didn't swipe in him straight away...we matched 83% and I kept coming back to him. Then he messaged me about my eyeliner as my profile picture had my cat flicks on my eyes. It all started from there.

@BatshitCrazyWoman I hope you’re okay after your very difficult day.

@shitwithsugaron Hope the conversation isn’t too awkward.

I went to MrNNs this afternoon, currently sat in a cab hoping I make 5:15 pick up at nursery, we were too busy to notice the time 😉 I’ve told nursery a meeting over ran, sometimes telling a lie is the best option.

I hope everyone has a good weekend, I have my cousins wedding on Saturday, so busy busy.