Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@Crustaceans That's just lovely news, you must be over the moon 🥰

Distance wise I was always of the opinion a 20 minute drive was the maximum I'd ever do. I live in a decent sized city so I always figured I'd meet someone from here. Of all the irons I dated only one was from my city - seriously I don't know how it happened. I chatted to lots from my city but didn't want to meet them. MrC is 40 minutes away, mainly because of the bloody single track lanes which I can now reverse back down like a pro, chuntering away like a local about bloomin' emmets and their caravans/motor homes, strange 'cos when I'm in Devon I call them grockles. I can never just pop down for an evening so it's always overnighters or weekends for us. I'm fine with that of course. We've very tentatively planned a week together next month, just waiting on a couple of things to fall into place 🤞🏻

Wishing you all the best for tomorrow, Bat.

So glad you have Mr BC batshit hope tomorrow goes as well as it can. Will be thinking of you x

crust waaaah that’s so lovely!

Mr Big is coming to mine tomorrow when my dc are in bed. He lives an hour away (too far really) so we are planning on him staying and sneaking out before kids get up but we are just gonna see what happens. My dc are both toddlers so cannot guarantee they will sleep but they are stairgated in so won’t catch us in the act 😂 bit nervous though. It’s the first time he has been here when I am on mum duty 😱

Was on this thread about 6 months ago under a different name, met someone online, had a lovely but sadly fairly short relationship. I'm now back dating online and had a nice date yesterday and wanted some advice.

So date was lovely, several hours long, chatted loads and then he made a nice to meet as me. We had a full on snog and grope that again lasted quite a while (at my house by this stage), no sex if it's relevant

Since then he has texted but less frequently and shorter. I mentioned about going for a second date as I quite like to go on 2-3 to get a feel for the person.

He didn't really answer re planning next date but has texted eg jokes, goodnight, pics of what he had for dinner 😂

I guess my question is do I again suggest to have a second date again or just leave it? I'm very much of the belief that if the first date felt good you have a few more to see where it leads. If not you just move on.

I appreciate that it's only been 24 hours but am I expecting too much if I want a "lovely date, thanks and would like to see you again" type of response?

I don't think that's too much to expect, but my 2nd dates have been planned very quickly after the 1st. All two of them, so take what I say with a pinch of salt!

I would definitely expect a second date after such an enjoyable first date, but maybe he's waiting on work schedule or something before he asks?

@BatshitCrazyWoman I'm so pleased the way things developed for you with MrBC. Just goes to show, not everything is as it seems at the beginning sometimes and feelings can develop on both sides even when one or both parties are looking for something "fun". I'm secretly hoping MrSAS sees the light and declares his undying love (and fidelity) to the fab @Sunshineandflipflops.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Bats hope tomorrow goes as well as it can for you, great to hear MrBC being so supportive.
Crustaceans congrats on the upcoming anniversary and moving plans, fantastic to hear. Everybody will be buying hats

@BatshitCrazyWoman I am glad that you will have MrBC there to support you. It sounds like it’ll be extremely difficult. I think we’ll all be thinking of you too (not that that makes any practical difference).

@Ant330 I think I already said you can all be bridesmaids. Especially the men. I’m sure we can find some lovely dresses to offset the beards. 😂

In a more amusing twist, MrSG’s irrational and difficult ex has been sending him annoying/borderline abusive messages all day asking when the baby is due. It says a great deal about her (and definitely explains her extremely quick and ‘surprise’ pregnancy the minute she found out how much he earned) that she cannot imagine people might just want to be together without one trying to ‘trap’ the other with a baby.

(Note: he was clearly an idiot who should have taken responsibility and used condoms. He’s certainly learnt his lesson the hard way).

@JeSuisPrest Ah, thanks but I don't think that will be happening x

bat just to echo others and wish you luck for your mother's funeral tomorrow and hope it goes as well
as it can for you-great to hear mr bc is being so supportive
crust great news re house situation-please sprinkle some of your lucky dust my way as I am still paying half mortgage on jointly owned property I've not lived in for many months now and ex is being obstructive on sale.
jesuis glad you and mr c have resolved things after the w/e and BL sounds like a knob!
Have been enjoying reading the thread and especially the ED/performance anxiety info too.

@CocoKoko123 That sounds really irritating. Of course he's being difficult; he's got a cheap housing situation. I'll send you all the lucky dust I have to spare.

Thank you crust.

Help! How do I hide my profile on POF?

I'm not sure you are being unreasonable there @shitwithsugaron. Support does need to go both ways and I bet you'd have been more supportive than that. It might be worth having a bit of a chat when you next see him.

@BatshitCrazyWoman I'm sorry things are so tough for you at the moment but glad you have Mr BC for support.

@Crustaceans I love your updates. I'm so glad that you and Mr SG are happy after such awful previous partners.

@JeSuisPrest I'm glad things are good with Mr C. BL sounds like a bitch, hopefully he won't let her ruin any more weekends for you.

Distancewise I would prefer someone within 10 miles but further if they're off a main road (as long as they're happy to drive as I hate motorways) and would even consider some train routes so I used to do searches based on proximity to me and then proximity to 3 or 4 towns that are close to me. Mr R is about 30 minutes away but usually comes to me.

Reading with interest about EDs. I have been slightly nervous about dating older men in case I encountered this as an issue. Previously I assumed it was a serious medical issue. I'd like to thank the guys who gave their experiences, it's good to see their perspective and if it ever happens to me (well a man I'm with) I'll be relaxed about it and not put him under any pressure.

Haven't seen Mr R for a while. I'm trying to get dc to go away at the weekend so we can have the house to ourselves. One has a sleepover party and I am trying to persuade the other one to see Grandma but she doesn't want to so I might resort to bribery.

Crustaceans you did indeed, I'd forgotten about that 😂

There’s nothing wrong with a bit of bribery @StealthNinjaMum. Any parent who says they’re above that kind of thing is probably the parent of a baby and hasn’t yet realised how crucial it is to a happy family life.

@Crustaceans yes I was the mother who was never going to take my child to Mcdonalds or let them on an iPad

Oh how we all look back at our pre and very early parenthood ideas and laugh!

Aaarggh! I can't even log into POF now, let alone hide my profile! I remember why I hated it before now!

@shitwithsugaron I think you have every right to expect support back. I’d have a chat with him and tell him you were disappointed he wasn’t there for you. Though some men do need it spelling out in words of one syllable to be fair

No you weren’t @shitwithsugaron. But you did do that classic thing that loads of women do where you almost start making excuses for him: “I'm probably being a bit unreasonable, I haven't asked how his day has been etc”. That exactly what I do in these situations. But actually you’re totally reasonable to expect support - even if you didn’t ask about his day.