Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Hi all,

I just thought I'd pop back, even though I haven't posted since thread 143/144
After lots of dates with Mrmechanic, we've now been together 7 months 😊

I'm just about to get my new place and move closer to his area, as he lived 3 counties away from me!

Very exciting times 😊

@kerkyra Thanks for that lovely message - I honestly only give as much support as I feel I have received - now and in the early days of OLD last autumn when I made so many rookie mistakes and was steered wisely by the likes of @wishywashy6 and others, some who are still around and some who have found their special someone and moved on (and @thelaststraw123 pops back to prove my point - I remember MrMechanic! , so pleased for you). This is my "safe place" on MN - it's the least judgemental, most supportive board around and I am wayyyyyy overinvested in everyone else's love lives - the good, the bad and the ugly. I don't see him again until Saturday night and I don't want to say it over the phone, so watch this space...

Well I tried no-strings sex via the FabSwingers website. It was.... interesting and a bit disappointing. Met a nice guy, did lots of fun chatting beforehand. I tried my hand at sexting for the first time. He seemed really nice. We met up and he was.... ok. I found him FAR sexier by message than in person. However I was determined to go through with it (I figured if I chickened out I may not have the courage to try again). It was ok, nice even. He was polite and respectful but I think I just felt too uptight to really enjoy it.

I am not defeated though! I met guy#2 for just a coffee the following day. Again he was nice, open about wanting no strings and a sort of FWB arrangement. We tried sexting afterwards but it was more like a bad romance novel. I am guessing he has never done this before either and using A-level text book terminology for body parts is not sexy. I took the dog for a walk halfway through and he and I chuckled our way round the field at terms like "labia minora and majora!"

To be honest I am not sure guy#2 is for me either or even that this is the "dating" option I want longer term. I am having a good time though and it is nice to feel sexy and desirable again for the first time in a long time. It is also a relief to know that I am not risking hurting anyone as I thrash about trying to work out what I really want in life!

Oh and I have finally got used to the deluge of dick-pics!

@Cath2907 I took the dog for a walk halfway through and he and I chuckled our way round the field at terms like "labia minora and majora!" My fanny withered a bit just reading that . I'd let this one go and try with someone else. You have to have the spark, even for a FWB arrangement, they are out there.

Sadly JSP I suspect you might be right on that one. I slept on it last night in the hope of feeling more "sparky" this morning but it has definitely gone. I better go find some more to try out!!!!

jesuis agree with kerkyra you are such a great support here and I always think you must be super cool and confident (when not snotty sobbing) I imagine you a bit like Joan from Mad Men. Sashaying around Mr C farm!

cath interestingly I found all the guys off fab terrible sexters. I got so fed up of hearing “I have a really high sexual drive” it really pissed me off as it’s subjective. How do they know it’s higher than mine or anyone else’s?? Plus if your cruising for casual sex on fab I would assume you had a high sex drive! I also found lots of fab guys sent me this 😈 emoji which made the whole fanjo completely close up!!

I'm sorry, Cath, but that is hilarious. Definitely a good story at any rate!

Well I've been swiping away since last night, very few right swipes (in fact I think maybe 3?), one match and no message.

I think I've swiped my way through the whole of the midlands in the last year! I have no free time now until the weekend anyway and Mr SAS has already asked if I want to go to the cinema over the weekend. I go on holiday in just over 2 weeks and will be away for 2 weeks, back for less than a week and away again for a few days so I don't know why I'm bothering anyway really.

Ugh...I just want to be on that loved up bench.

@JeSuisPrest thanks for the mention! I too received brilliant support and advice from this thread when I first started OLD
I still try catch up with the thread from time to time but you lot move so quickly!

Mr24 and I are coming up to our first anniversary and all is going well 🥰

Thank you to everyone who is urging me to be careful tomorrow. I think, as @JeSuisPrest says, I need to do this for closure and I have no expectation other than that. He hurt me terribly but I want to draw a line under it on my terms so that I can move on. That being said, I’m very nervous but it’s something I need to do, thanks again for all the support

Testing 🤔

Can I join? I’m very much not ready to start dating as only left abusive arse 3 weeks ago. But I was a bit surprised that after a decade and a half he has leapt straight into OLD and has a tinder account and already been on at least one date. The mark on his wedding finger from his ring must have been still red!!! I’m terrified of being alone but having been abused I need to do lots of work on red flags and myself so I don’t end up in the same situation. Hope I will feel robust enough one day to meet someone new.

Ooh goody I can post! Not sure what happened. Catching up with the thread. Told Mr 5in1 to arrange date #3. He's not very keen on being an arranger and i am trying to suss out if this means I get all the fun of the social labour down the line. Anybody come across this? He seems to want a lot of hand holding and having decided he wants us to go to a show he's asked so many questions I might as well have done it myself, but that's not the point really. I want a guy who is competent at arranging basic stuff like this. Not sure if it's that he's nervous he'll suggest the wrong thing or that he's clueless how to go about it or too lazy to organise, but it's slightly taking the shine off him for me. Having said that, he still has a lot going for him, and it IS bloody mercury retrograde.

@Theworldcouldbemymollusc welcome! Just wanted to say my ex was the same, got online with lots of dates soon after he moved out! I think women tend to take longer to process and heal. Good you are getting out if you feel ready. I waited about 8 months before any dates personally but I just wasn't feeling it before

Blimey I’m so not ready to even dip my toe in the water - still feeling heartbroken and raw. Just want to lurk so I can benefit from experience and get used to how things work with new dick pic dating. Haven’t really been single for almost 20 years so I’m expecting culture shock!

3rd date was lovely.Sitting in the pub garden and a good passionate snog as I left.
He makes me feel safe and I'm letting down my guard very quickly.
We are spending Wednesday together( he works nights and I have a day off) and instead of going for a meal at the weekend,he is going to cook for me at mine. If my older two are away for the night,maybe he will stay.
The fears of my promiscuous early twenties (where I seemed to sleep with guys and never hear from them again. Actually,theres been a few in the last four years) is such a hang up even now,but i know I've got to go for it at some point. Might get completely pissed and jump on him hopefully!

Good luck, @kerkyra! Things sound like they are going well.

I am horrified; I think I have thrush. I've just taken the nuclear pill option, so it should clear up in a day or two, but Mr TBD and I have er, big plans on Friday. Should I wait to see if I feel better or warn him now? Embarrassing.

@MoreNiceCereal I suffer dreadfully with thrush. The cream along with the pill of doom clears mine in a few days!

@Theworldcouldbemymollusc

You were me, a year ago!
I tentatively stepped into OLD after an abusive relationship left me living in a refuge!

I have since met MrMechanic, who I've now been together with 7 months!

Don't count it out, and I've noticed that I noticed red flags a lot more when I started OLD.

I'm now happier than I've been in a long time 😁

Have cancelled afternoon of passion tomorrow with Mr TooMarried, going to give it a go with Mr Tri and can’t dtd with more than one at a time..

Have 3rd date with him tomorrow, he’s going to do a bbq at his. I am shortly going to try a lake swim as I’ve got to somehow train for this triathlon I drunkenly booked on Saturday. Mr Tri says he may pop along to watch but much as I want to see him I rather hope he doesn’t...

Typically had two more POF dates booked this week, but going to cancel them as I just can’t multi date. If this one doesn’t work out then I will maybe give them a go if they are still around...

FML.

Have you guys ever attempted to DTD for the first time and he couldn't perform?

I'm mortified.

Yes!! It was nerves for my ex - after the first fail he popped a blue pill the next time and then it was all good

@LooUpdate Yes. First time with MrC - too much booze and nerves. He was mortified and I felt like crap. Not had any problems since fortunately.