Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@kermitrulesok and @kerkyra this all sounds fab!

@kerkyra that sounds promising

Second date with rage room guy has been arranged. If it comes off it will only be my 3rd second date with anyone since starting old back in Nov last year - probably having been on dates with around 15 irons in that time 🤷‍♀️

And the previous 2 I went on to see for a few weeks during that time too - the first around 6 weeks and the second about a month but we are now good friends

Had a lovely 24hrs with Mr Pizza - went to the beach, he made dinner and breakfast, played some guitar, cuddled and more - and we this AM had the ‘what are we?’ chat. It’s been just shy of 7 weeks. ‘Boyfriend’ sounds a bit twee, but seems like I have one now 😂
Going to set up a little parent meet for both of us. We are both on the same page about loads of things and it’s just lovely. His child is the same age as my eldest.

Well my head is a little bit frazzled today! I’ve been seeing someone I met on tinder for a couple of weeks very casually and this week, we had a discussion about not wanting anything serious and keeping it as more of a FWB situation. However, we’ve been on more ‘dates’ which haven’t ended in sex than those which have, which I think blurs the lines slightly. After this discussion, he deleted me as a tinder match which part of me thinks is odd. I’ve matched with someone else this weekend and have arranged a date with him for next weekend, but now I feel guilty! OLD is hard work sometimes....

So I’ve leapt back in and just arranged a date with another iron...this one will have to be MrBBQ. Unfortunately it won’t be til after the first date with mrNHS 🤬🤬🤬 as he’s away with work too. But at least I’m trying, right?

Fucking hell I am so pissed off!!!! Spent 6 hrs with MrC's family yesterday - all good lovely people and had a super day at the beach. This morning his friend messaged and said could he come to the farm and work on his van for a little while - he won't be long. Then the Beach Lady (GF of friend) messages and says can she come as well with the kids. MrC ask me if that's OK? So I say they're your friends if you want them to come over fine. 5 fucking hours later they're still fucking here. I tried to sit in the garden for a while and chat to her but I've literally nothing in common with her. Shes a 28 year old mum of 2 who thinks a big fucking day out is going to a town 20 miles away or Trago (if you're in the SW this will make sense...). I've been upstairs in the bedroom for the last 3 hrs watching OITNB and fucking fuming. MrC kept popping in and out offering tea asking if I was alright and all he get off me was "I'm fine" which as we all know is code for "I'm so pissed off you'll be doing yourself a favour if you leave the room this fucking minute". I couldn't keep a fucking lid on it the last time he came in and let rip. We were supposed to spend the whole weekend together and so far I've spent all day with his family yesterday and today since 12pm with Beacb Lady wittering on about a load of shit "Oh, MrC do you remember when we did this, oh MrC, do you remember when we did that." Fuck. Off. He's been upstairs and apologised for how long they've been here - I said I may as well have just gone home today for all I've seen him and cried 😭 What a fucking waste. Who the fuck stays at someone's house for 5 fucking hours when they know they see their girlfriend once a week.. Thick as fucking pig shit. Sorry, I just needed to dump this somewhere before I go downstairs and tell her to fuck the fuck off and when she gets there fuck off some more. And she's been drinking all afternoon and I've had fuck all because I might not be so polite with a glass of wine or 3 inside me. 🤬😡

That's really shit.

Keep ranting here. DO NOT LET HER KNOW SHE HAS PISSED YOU OFF.

You are a woman of dignity. she is a stupid cow

Oh JeSuis, what a shit day. MrC should have said no to his mate. Beach woman is either loving winding you up or has no social skills and is unaware. Try to hang on until they've gone and have a chat with mrB. I suppose if he's been single a while this is normal for him,friends popping in all day? I could manage an hour then would be very pissed off.

@JeSuisPrest the fact she’s drinking really won’t help matters because she probably won’t even realise now what she’s doing! I feel for you though - but from being in a similar situation, all I can say is try not to let it ruin the time you have together when they finally leave! It’s happened and you can’t change it, but you can make sure that you end your weekend on a positive!

Mr C needs to grow some nadgers and send them home.

Fuck. I've had a glass of wine or 2. We've gone to defcon 3. I'll try and update later if there's anything worth updating.. I feel pretty shit at the moment. We've had a massive argument and I'm laid on his bed crying eyes out. I can here him furiously cooking a roast in the kitchen. I may be swiping again on Monday.

Noooo @JeSuisPrest Don't do anything drastic. You guys have something to special. Please climb down from this. You will regret it otherwise. Think of all the good stuff about your relationship.

JeSuis rant on here, try not to spoil the rest of your w/e with a big row once they've (eventually) gone. I know you'll want to vent but just think about how long it is till you see him next.
He'll already know he's fucked up 😉

jesuisprest I hope you're ok. Ginmel is right, you do have something special. He probably thought after your last successful encounter that you were ok with her, I'm sure he didn't realise she'd stay for forever so long.

@JeSuisPrest As you’re on his bed I hope all tears/snot are going over his duvet. He probably didn’t think she would stay that long, however, he should also be telling her to bugger off.

Good point Simon @JeSuisPrest make sure it's his side you are crying on so he has the soggy, snotty pillow tonight and not you.

@JeSuisPrest, sounds like you are really upset so I wanted to send you a hug. I can appreciate how frustrated you must feel, but it sounds like he really likes this couple and I find it difficult to read between the lines if someone says that they’re fine when they aren’t - makes me overthink and feel anxious myself if the actions don’t match words. He could’ve shooed them away sooner but maybe it’s a good thing that he feels relaxed enough to have his friends over for that long whilst you’re there. I’d be feeling a bit wary if a new partner reacted in that way if they didn’t explain how they felt at the time. I’m not trying to be mean, just honest. Give him a cuddle and tell him how you felt.

Also, I know that you don’t have much in common with his female friend but having seen a few of your posts about her I think she genuinely just enjoys his company, obviously I’m not there but it just sounds like they get along well with each other. I have several platonic male friends that I meet up/go for dog walks with etc but I wouldn’t want to date - whether or not they’d feel any differently is debatable but it doesn’t really matter if he’s just genuinely being kind and nice to her.

Hope this evening improves for you both.

Update: I threw a massive glass of red wine down my neck. BL asked if I was OK with a head tilt? Condescending fucking bitch. Me:"I'm fine" through fucking gritted teeth. She knew what she was doing. Had a complete snotfest in his arms on the bed after they left. Said she was either thick skinned or trying to cause trouble. The upshot is he's messaging them both tomorrow to say our time together is so limited they won't be invited over apart from a couple of hours in future. He's upset that I'm upset and says he's fucked up this weekend and he's very sorry. We've had a very open heart to heart about some other stuff as well. I loves him a a lot and I still can't tell him.😭 Yes, I'm here tonight until I go to work tomorrow, so something may be salvagable...

This thread is exhausting 🤣

Shouldn’t dating be fun. Sounds hideous. I think I’ll stay single!

Knew you guys would get through this.

Enjoy your evening together @JeSuisPrest

Aw jesuis sounds crap but glad you have had a heart to heart. Why can’t you tell him you love him?

Hang in there @JeSuisPrest, you know he’s a good one.

Ok, so I’m putting it on here because I can’t tell anyone IRL... I’m meeting up with the man who unceremoniously dumped me 3 months ago after an 8 month relationship that I thought was the real deal. I drunk messaged him a few days ago and asked him out for a drink. I honestly thought he’d say no but he didn’t - seeing him Tuesday. I think this will be a complete headfuck but I can’t help myself, I miss him so much