Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

It has, not something I planned for. Never really had surgery before so it was all a bit scary, and to go through it on my own was tough (mum was looking after the kids and dog). I am feeling better by the hour though, just very tired (hospital wards are so noisy at night.

Mr Young keeps messaging, he’s after sex, told I’m out of use for 4 weeks 🤣

My new iron has messaged me every day checking on me.

Your new iron sounds like a decent human being love! It’s good to hear you sounding stronger already. What a terrible experience but you are through the worst 💐

@Lovemusic33 Take it easy, when I had mine done it took 8 weeks to physically be completely recovered, just remember the muscles and internal trauma takes a lot longer to heal compared to what you can see on the outside.

never sounds v interesting! Glad you had fun.

batshit and crust* glad your fellas are looking after you

The new iron definitely sounds like a better human being than MrYoung.

It must be so hard with little in the way of support, @Lovemusic33. I’m glad you’re out of hospital (which is never fun even if you’re just visiting).

That does sound tough @shitwithsugaron. It’s not fair for your ex to get emotional about these sort of things (at least not to you); you’re entitled to move on with your life. Well done for telling him.

I have never had a conversation with my ex about MrSG. I know it would have been the grown up thing to do, but I couldn’t face it. I was never able to talk to ex about anything anyway, and I would not want to give the controlling wanker any inkling that he was welcome to discuss anything I do.

He does know about him, and he’s ‘met’ him twice. I say ‘met’ because ex ignored MrSG and acted really weirdly (it was weird even by my ex’s standards, and that’s a low bar). Ex has also met MrSG’s kids (and, again, he was super weird about it and really not very nice to a curious toddler). Ex did ask DS2 about MrSG, but mostly just to find out if he was nice according to DS2.

On the other side, MrSG told his ex he was seeing someone very early on. That’s only because they were still uncomfortably housesharing and he’d started going out a lot more (which meant she could no longer spend every night with her boyfriend). I have met her once. She behaved dreadfully tbh - all bullshit and drama. I’ve avoided her since because I don’t need any of that nonsense.

It’s a shame really, as both MrSG and I would like to be grown up about these things. But our exes clearly have other ideas. And there’s no point trying to engage with someone who is determined to be unreasonable.

Btw: I am 100% sure that they were properly split up and just hadn’t resolved the housing situation when I met MrSG. He was very open and transparent about it all. And I checked her SM where she’d happily announced her new relationship status (with what I can only describe as a potato 😂) months before I met MrSG.

You are probably right about it being a blow to his ego rather than concern about your DD and his relationship with her. But you have been seriously Grown Up about it and had the conversation. So well done you.

Well,that serves me right!
On the platform waiting for train to go yesterday and I see some train drivers chatting by my window,one is someone who I chatted to last yr on pof and messaged on fb for a while. He tried to pursue me but i just didnt see a spark so i said no to a meet .
Well,he must of had a transplant of some kind as wow as had a beard,lost some weight and looked gorgeous. Then he went to the front of the train and we left. Last night I sent a hi stranger message on fb lol and he replied that yes he drove my train,glad I'm good and he is all loved up. Damn,I missed out there.
It's a totally taught me a lesson though. How shallow all this is. Has made me think

crustaceans I don’t see that it wasn’t ‘fair’ of the ex to get emotional when told about shitwith moving on - is he not allowed feelings? I was all over the place when my DD told me about my XH having a gf, which took me by surprise admittedly. I wasn’t being manipulative or anything, it was just how I felt.

But shitwith I admire you for telling him straight (I’ll never forgive my XH for leaving it to my daughter). He’ll adjust - he has to.

I think it’s a bit unfair to share those feelings though. He’s entitled to feel them, but not to have it so that his ex has to manage those feelings and help him feel better.

Obviously it’s completely ok for him to feel however he wants.

And in the specific case of @shitwithsugaron’s ex, it’s not like he’d offer any such emotional labour to help her to deal with how she felt about anything. But he’d definitely expect her to provide him with that.

@shitwithsugaron It must be the week for it - I told my stbxh about MrC on Thursday night - or rather he asked and I told him, yes I was seeing someone - he asked if I was back with MrAbs (!) We actually had a fairly grown up conversation by his standards, he's been seeing his GF for 3 years now and they're having problems and may be splitting up. I made all the right noises. He said he'd be happy for our DD to meet MrC if I thought it was going somewhere. He then cried when I mentioned our divorce and apologise for how much he'd messed up (affairs...) which made me feel like shit and nearly sorry for him.

@Lovemusic33 Glad you're back home and on the road to recovery.

@Crustaceans Mr SG sounds like a keeper - that's love right there - doing stuff for your kids to make your life easier. Both of your ex's sound like monumental knobs.

@BatshitCrazyWoman Just having someone in your life to offload a bit really makes the difference. Again, sorry to hear about your mum, it's not easy, however strained the relationship was.

In other news I have a big weekend planned with MrC after another week apart. I'm meeting his aunty tomorrow who is on holiday in the area - he's been summoned and told to bring me along. It's not optional apparently. Since his DM & DF have passed away she's the head of the family and I'm up for inspection to see if I'm a suitable candidate for the position of GF. Of course I am, I'm flipping fab - I've got a beautiful handtied bouquet of peonies and hydrangea organised, am wearing my most sensible "wouldn't even make the Pope blush" dress and having my nails french manicured. Proper sensible GF material (for a few hours at least). I don't think MrC is going to recognise me , but then I have him to myself after tomorrow's visit until Monday morning...I hope he sleeps well tonight

@lovemusic33 glad you're home and yay for new iron being lovely.

@Kerkyra damn that missed boat (train?) - I was like that when somebody I dated a couple of times but there was no real spark although I still fancied him, told me he'd met somebody.

Mr 5in1 being lovely and supportive again today. We'd messaged less yesterday and I was starting to think he'd distanced himself, but was just busy and fell asleep after work - I can relate, we have been up until gone 1am most nights messaging 😂

True, true. They don’t know what they’ve got til it’s gone hey?

It's weird, having somebody in (gulp, in going to say it after two dates) - a... partner type role send a simple supportive text. I have amazing wonderful friends - one rang me at 11.30pm apologising because that was the first time she'd had a chance to reply to an upset message I'd sent her yesterday morning, for example - it's totally different, in a way I can't explain, you know?

It's very nice.

@Neverexpected2 ooooh I know where you went!! I'm local. Considered it for a date myself, but would probably glass splinter myself or something and end up in the N&N 😂

@JeSuisPriest I have the most wonderful image in my head of you with your peonies and sensible dress. Go knock 'em dead, you elegant modest delight!!

Vagina it's been there a fair few years apparently yet I'd never heard of it despite having been to karaoke place over road a few times 🤣 it was a good icebreaker indeed and he wanted memorable which it was

Your ex sounds a delight, @JeSuisPrest. It’s almost a masterclass in how to make it all about him and ignore everything that’s happened over the last several years.

But well done you on the grown up conversation too. It must be the time for these things.

Your plans for the weekend sound great. You will definitely wow mrC’s aunt.

MrSG is definitely a keeper. He’s just adorable. 🥰

Maybe it's not the city I'm thinking of then, I think ours has only just popped up. Either that or I drove past it a long time before realising it was there (on a corner?) 😁

So I've decided to end it with my fwb. We've only been hanging out a few weeks and had a good time overall, but we aren't really that compatible and I would rather focus on Mr TDB.

Any tips on how to end it? He's very sweet and I don't want to be hurtful. We only met on OkCupid so we aren't especially close or anything, but I do like him.

No vagina it's not on a corner. I'm in Midlands

@MoreNiceCereal I think honesty is the best policy. Tell him you've had a great few weeks, but would like to concentate your attentions on one particular relationship with someone and seeing him at the same time isn't something you want to continue doing whilst seeing someone else. Wish him all the best, great guy etc. If it's a true FWB situation he should be OK with that.