Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Yikes cassette that sounds horrendous, who the hell behaves like that?!?!

lilly it’s fine, it was actually pretty funny - a good dating story for my friends’ enjoyment!

I understand some of the comments made earlier. I have been absent from the thread whilst I have been dealing with my breakup with Mr S. I knew the right thing was to do was no contact. And to have pushed him for the commitment I wanted which lead the the break up.

But I knew if I posted in here I'd be likely to get comments encouraging me to carry things on to see what happened. Or comments about replying to his last message. Because I have seen people being encouraged to do that. And for me o would have taken the advice. Because I wanted to believe there was hope. I wanted to believe that we were different and we could overcome our issues.

And this is no disrespect to anyone on the thread. I have loved being part of this group. And the advice I had has been invaluable in the early stages of dating.

But I do feel webas women, most of whom has survived divorces and are bringing up children, should support each other to know our own worth. Have boundaries. Set standards. To know when something isn't making us happy. To not accept less than we deserve.

I am all for fun and casual relationships when they are that to both parties. But I don't want anyone on this thread to end up hurt because they have ignored their gut in accepting something they know isn't right and isn't really making them happy. But I do accept I may be projecting my own feelings onto other posters.

We are a great group here. And we shouldn't be afraid to offer advice that isn't always what the person might want to hear.

@CassettesAreCool jesus what a nightmare

jesuis I blocked him the minute I got on the bus, on my phone, WhatsApp and the dating app. I felt if I had just one message off him I’d have to burn my phone, whatever he said. A really visceral feeling of loathing, so glad I walked out on him.

cassettes he sounds awful but as you say it will be a great story to tell! Pleased you didn’t have to burn your phone.

Urgh cassettes what a horrible experience. My friend had a call recently where the bloke outed himself as a psychopath. I'm so glad she had the call first and didn't meet him.

I want to go to sleep but need to know where neverexpected went on her mystery date!

Me too marls!

@JeSuisPrest cooled and then some...barely heard from MrNHS today! That’s too far the other way . I am trying not to think I’ve jinxed it or something, in my head I know that if he’s interested he will be in touch soon, probably just busy.

@CassettesAreCool bloody hell he sounds horrendous!

Maybe @Neverexpected2 is still trapped on a climbing wall somewhere, or locked in an escape room.

Had a decent time at MrNN’s, he might have an interesting day at work tomorrow due to ‘stubblegate’.

@CassettesAreCool Sounds horrendous! Did you leave early or see it through to the end?!

This mystery date is killing me...I hope everyone came out in one piece!

I spent the evening with MrSAS, which was lovely. Just wine and sex but lovely.

Oh Cassettes dates like that are awful. Glad you blocked and didn't have to destroy your phone!

Never I'm desperate to hear about your date - I would really struggle with not knowing what we were doing, and would have a massive what to wear crisis at the very least 😂

With regard to how we allow men to treat us - I've had a few dire relationships that I should have mended much sooner than I did. But I got there in the end, and had to realise and work it out for myself. When you know better, you do better ... but we're all learning, everyday. Don't think there's a point where you think that's it, I know all there is to know about relationships 😂

Getting keys to my new place today - and Mr BC is helping with it all tomorrow - cannot wait to see him again. Planned my mother's funeral yesterday ...

Ended rather than mended, that should say!

sunshine we just met for drinks, I’d obviously said something he couldn’t get on board with (it may have been the concept of human rights, thinking back) as he didn’t jump up to fetch the third round or revive the idea of moving on somewhere for food. Then he just started ranting, about immigration and rape. Once that started it was less than 3 minutes before I upped and left.

batshit such a lot on your plate, I’m sorry about your mum and I hope your move goes well. Mr BC sounds so dreamy.

Wow cassettes sounds like a lucky escape, can you imagine if you'd not realised to the fourth date or something.

Another one waiting for Nevers update.

Hey all - I'm alive and not stuck up a climbing wall 🤣

Well, the mystery activity - probably really outing but hey ho - was a rage room! We basically went to this place that does axe throwing and the like and had to put on not fetching overalls and face mask and then use bats to beat the crap out of printers, keyboards, bottles etc. The music was blue toothed in the room whilst you did it. Very weird experience but definitely an ice breaker and nice to have someone put some effort in to actually sort something beforehand with a view to doing that.

We went for drinks after and then moved on to bar/club and stayed till closing at 3am. I didn't get home till gone 3.30am and fell asleep sitting up in bed so had a bad neck this morning as well as a bad head 🤦‍♀️

He was lovely and there was lots of full on snogging in club and after whilst waiting for taxi 🙈 hoping to see him again but waiting for him to surface to see how things are 🤷‍♀️

Wow that's interesting! Glad you had a good time.

I hope the move goes well @BatshitCrazyWoman. Funeral planning plus a house move is a situation that would score extremely highly on the stress scale. I’m glad you’ve got help and support. You deserve it.

Well done on getting out within 3 minutes of MrData going into scary weirdo mode, @CassettesAreCool. I guess this is why the first date (which is often a weirdo check) should definitely take place somewhere good and public.

I had a vomiting bug yesterday. My stomach is still a bit sore, but I’m feeling much better today. Despite his ‘poorly bollock’ (as described by @shitwithsugaron) MrSG came and looked after me, and took DS to his training last night. DS is going to want him to take him all the time now, as they both came back eating chocolate. I usually give him some sort of healthy snack instead.

It’s the first time in my adult life that someone had looked after me while I was ill. My ex would have invented an illness/situation that meant he couldn’t possibly be expected to help me at all (I’d have had to drag myself and DS to the swimming pool, for example) and/or would be extremely unpleasant to me for daring to be sick. MrSG didn’t do anything spectacular, but having someone hug me and to help with the logistics of my life when I feel crap makes such a difference.

A rage room?! @Neverexpected2. That sounds weirdly fun. I’m going to see if there’s one near me (there won’t be, unless they are commonplace literally everywhere; this bit of the country tends to be just about the last to get anything). MrSG would probably love that.

It sounds like a great date.

I’m happy to donate my PC to the rage room never, please pm me the details 😜. Sounds like a great date with a confident, interesting man, so pleased for you!

I need to catch up on the thread. Got home yesterday from hospital, recovering slowly, I haven’t been on POF for a week, now I’m off work I will probably find myself scanning through some profiles but will wait until I can walk straight without going “ouch” or breaking wind before I go on any dates 🤣

Glad you’re home @Lovemusic33. It’s been a very dramatic week for you.