Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@sunshineandflipflops I agree that is an irritating message but he might've received your text message in a hurry and felt it was more important to send you a reply (even an ill thought out one) rather than not reply and keep you waiting all day.

@cath2907 I'm really impressed with your efforts, that was quick work. I don't think I'd have the confidence to go on FAB so I hope it goes well and you get what you want

@shitwithsugaron @kermitrulesok Mr Runner is NOTHING like my ideal man. I don't usually have a type but if I did he would be not it. Having said that the first date was very passionate and there was an instant attraction. A dozen dates later and we are still all over each other but sometimes we talk now!

@Lillyrose19 that sounds confusing. Has he actually said that he isn't dating anyone else and doesn't intend to? I would be careful if he's using 'I'm not ready for a relationship' as an excuse to do relationshipy things with you while allowing himself to sleep with other women and then turn round and say 'but I didn't say I would be exclusive and I did say I'm not ready for a relationship'.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 wow, that seems quick! Did I miss a few posts? Finally he can see how fantastic you are.

In that case , if it was me acting as you @Sunshineandflipflops I would say that to him then and ask when next opportunity might be ... invite him to chase However recalling my car park snog with MsM&M, I'd have been babbling about a second date already

@Shitwithsugaron I'll keep an eye out for a tall book-ish strummer with a stunner too !

@BatshitCrazyWoman for you. So glad you've got support from Mr BC, he sounds like a good 'un.

@Marlboroandmalbec34 I'm having a squeeeee moment here for you and MrBig - whenever I think of you I imagine as much more glam version of Patsty from Ab Fab and Mr Big looks like Big from Sex and the City - all suave and confident.

@shitwithsugaron In my mind you're a petite blonde and MrB is very tall, slim build, beardy, slightly hippy type (but smells lovely).

@Sunshineandflipflops That's a bit of a "meh" message. I'd be disappointed not to have a message when I got home saying he'd had a great night and would like to meet up again. I think the others are right about your feelings for MrSAS though - you're not interested in anyone else whilst he's around/available. That's fair enough - it will resolve itself one way or another. He'll realise that he needs to commit to you or you'll realise you don't want to be one of a number of "lady friends".

@Lillyrose19 What @StealthNinjaMum said with bells on.

@Cath2907 Glad you've had some success with FAB. I never ventured there myself and managed to find enough NS arrangements via POF to scratch my itches when required.

@WotcherHarry Sounds like you're in for a fun weekend

MrC is soooo my type apart from being blonde, but I didn't fancy the pants off him when we first met - he was definitely a grower and now I think he's the bees knees. We probably look really odd walking around together - my head just about reaches his armpits - yeah, I love sniffing him weirdo alert. He's just too cool for school. Does not give a toss what others think, takes charge of any situation from changing flat tyres, righting fallen over sheep and fixing barn roofs to making me a hot water bottle and smoothing my hair when I'm poorly. I love watching him cooking, watching him sleeping, sitting on the side of the bath chatting whilst he's showering (because his head is above the top of the cubicle ), having his long arms and legs wrapped around me on the sofa and doing our usual WhatsApp last message ritual at night when we're not together. I just want to be with him all the time even when we're not doing anything. Budge over on that Beyonce Bench I'm jumping on it. Sorry for the gushy post but I adore that man. I can't believe it was 3 months ago I was having my "it's just a bit of fun, he's too young for me" virtual holiday romance with him from our little cottage in Cornwall.

@JeSuisPrest how lovely to read!

@StealthNinjaMum I've asked a few times if he's speaking to others and he said no. After our third date he said he's not looking anymore and last night as he was explaining, he said he wasn't interested in chatting to anyone else. Should I directly ask if we are exclusive? I really think we are, he doesn't have time for me, never mind meeting others!! He really is a decent honest guy/ I know there's not many about!! He knows what I'm like and the fact he's so worried about hurting me incase he never gets past how he's feeling I don't think he would have it in him to be with others.

@JeSuisPrest It is a bit 'meh' isn't it?

It's not that I'm not potentially interested in meeting anyone else but I think i'm going to struggle to meet anyone I click with (or fancy) as much as Mr SAS, whether he's in my life or not.

He's the one who messages me first thing in the morning, last thing at night and various times in between. Just silly things like links to a you tube clip of a band he know I like, or today, a link to an event he thought my son might enjoy. While i was wondering if I would hear from Mr Psych this morning, he contacts me to ask when he can see me again.
I could give that up to be lonely again but...

really happy for your smitten-ness (and a bit jealous of you all on that bench)

@Sunshineandflipflops But when he sends you those messages, which make you feel special and you have a place in his life, don't you think "I wonder who else he is sending clips to and saying good morning/good night to?" If I remember rightly he didn't lie about telling you he was off the apps/not messaging others, he just didn't tell you until you asked. Are you happy to just compartmentalise it? Sorry to harp on, it's just that I think you're fab and deserve someone who is 100% committed to you alone if that's what you really want . And you will click with/fancy someone else, you just have to be open to the possibility of it happening. Urgh, I so feel for you, it's an absolute head/heart fuck and there's no easy answers.

@Crustaceans I’m not sure he’s capable of growing any to have that effect.

You’re right attraction is very personal, someone can be considered gorgeous by one person and not by another, but personality plays a huge part as well, someone with a nice personality appears more attractive, if you don’t like someones personaility they appear less attractive. MrNoName is Swedish, he looks like a blonde (and grown up version) of Finn Wolfhard.

We all have a type if we had to draw our ideal person both physically and with personality, but very few people actually stick to that type.

@Crustaceans oops, posted too soon, I forgot to say what I look like. I’m six foot and Pakistani, so the height is unusual, I get compared to BFs ex a lot, a famousish violin player called Niel Milan. BF most definitely has a type.

@shitwithsugaron He's got fair head hair and brown face stubble and body hair - strange. He's got a chest like Tom Selleck which makes a lovely pillow I sent him this article the other day, just he's in no doubt about my fondness for his hairiness 10 Reasons why Hairy Men are Hot

@JeSuisPrest thank you. Yes, If i'm honest I'd much prefer there to be no-one else but I know his thoughts on that so it is me putting myself in this position I guess.

I'd like to hope if someone comes along who could offer more and I like them enough then I would be open to that happening. Giving up what I have now for nothing at all isn't an appealing option for me right now.

I just had to google him @SimonJT...he's hot so you must be pretty smokin' too!

@Lillyrose19 it's good that he says he isn't dating someone else but it still feels like you are more into him than he is into you - which might not be an issue if you get to know each other better.

Personally I wouldn't do online dating if I thought I might hurt someone so that rings alarm bells with me.

To give my own experience. I hope this doesn't sound smug (I was ridiculously insecure until about date 8.)

I had a drunken exclusivity talk which was a bit confusing on my third or fourth date with Mr R. But afterwards we had a sober lunch date and repeated we are exclusive and off apps. We both have the view that we really like each other, but have recently left ltrs so will take each date as it comes. It feels very equal, to use a cliche, we're on the same page.

Next date with Mr TDB arranged for Friday. He was very keen in his replies, so I guess last night has not made him shy like me.

I’m loving all the descriptions here.

And squee for @JeSuisPrest and MrC.

Hope there's space for me on the Beyonce Bench 😂 Am completely loved up. Mr BC has been away for a week and I saw him last night - was so excited to see him and just be with him. I don't think I have a type - he's 6 ft 1, broad, not fat, hairy, shortish beard, brown hair sprinkled with grey. Lovely soft northern accent. I'm short and blonde, with boobs and hips We fit together brilliantly 😍

@MoreNiceCereal I bet he is if your messages were that steamy

I’ll add my own descriptions to the thread (in the interest of fairness). I’m not especially tall (5’6) and thin with olivey skin, dark hair and blue eyes. MrSG is about the same height and very muscular with long, slightly gingery hair and dark eyes. It works for me. 😍

I am also incredibly pleased we now have a Beyoncé bench. Who doesn’t want to be on that?

I'd be happy to be on the "got a date this month" bench...

F*ck knows what bench I am on!

@Sunshineandflipflops yes probably

I am tall, 5'8, pear shaped with an average build I guess. I get compliments on my legs a lot online which is funny because I've always been self conscious of my big thighs. Brown hair, blue eyes, glasses, foreign accent. Mr TBD is 6'2, the tallest bloke I've ever dated, which is cool.

My guy has gone a little bit MIA. He's away for a wedding, heard from him on Monday night saying he'd got a takeaway with his family, then I text him last night asking how his day had been, as yet no reply! The wedding is tomorrow and he's due back on Friday. He doesn't strike me as the type to just ghost me so hopefully I'll hear from him soon and he's just busy seeing friends and family. But a text back would be nice!

Just to derail the thread completely MrC's tortoise has turned up after being AWOl for 5 weeks 🐢. Some guy was driving up the lane and found her about 10m away from the farm gate - he popped in to ask if MrC knew who it might belong to!! She seems none the worse for her little adventure but he'll take her down to the vets for a once over just to be sure. Little tinker.

@StealthNinjaMum we've been dating since the beginning of February! He did admit last night that he originally went on them for an ego boost and never thought he would find someone he liked. I probably do like him a bit more but this has helped me put things into perspective and chill out and enjoy it!