Dating thread 163: The best response to someone leaving the door ajar is to shut it for them

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

It’s hard. I think it often feels like you’re looking for unicorns.

Crustaceans I think you will find unicorns are available in packs of 4 in the ice cream section at Aldi.
www.aldi.co.uk/unicorn-crumbly-ice-cream-cones/p/012550283120800

I'd also like to point out something from the last thread, and that is that unicorn underpants are definitely cool

@Amber43 I've said this a few times but to me, an exclusive FWB is a relationship! Especially if you are buying presents for each other. It's just the label of 'boyfriend/girlfriend' that separates you, isn't it?

@Sunshineandflipflops the thing is we haven't really got a future but I'm a pretty generous person to people I care about so I always feel a bit sad that he is finding it hard to make ends meet so if I'm heading over, I might take something small, or if I see something he would like, I'd get it. I'm not sure if I'm being silly.

Spent a rather lovely afternoon wrapped up in MrTall's arms. Haven't dtd but really didn't want to. We spoke about where we're going from here and don't want to put a label on things but my goodness he makes me feel so very happy.

Good luck @Sunshineandflipflops...first dates are crazy!

@JeSuisPrest good to hear that Mrs Beach has backed away...I think she was testing MrC

Anymore hot dates happening this week?

Amber43 I suppose it depends on how he reacts and is it reciprocal? Obvs he can't buy stuff but does he do you favours or do nice things for you?

3 months this weekend, @JeSuisPrest. 😍😍😍

It is interesting that MissBeach has faded into the background post vibratorgate. Or, of course, she might have met you and realised that you’re amazing and he’s smitten.

@StarryUnicorn Good to know, should I ever need a unicorn.

I’m not sure that unicorn pants are cool, but I’m looking at 2 squads of children and it appears that panda swimsuits/jammers are currently considered very cool.

@amber43 if Mr Glasses and I get our act together next week, we will be exclusive. He's a Mr Right for now for me and I don't see us as something that will develop. He feels the same which is great.

I think it's possible to be exclusive fwbs providing you are both clear with each other. I don't think small gifts are a problem either providing your FWB feels comfortable with it.

It's tricky though, isn't it? Fwb does usually mean non-exclusive. I am still trying to figure out my own boundaries and they seem to be shifting around quite regularly.

I'm a very friendly person, though, and like to chat and share ideas with the other person. Some would say that's not appropriate with a fwb setup, bit what about the friends part? I want to have sex with him because I like him as a person, just not as a boyfriend. That's kind of mean, maybe?

I think it's up to the people involved to decide what works for them. I don't know if it's an age thing but I won't be sleeping with him if he's sleeping with others. He knows that. If he doesn't like it, then I'll move on. It's one boundary that I've set.

And I hope this doesn't sound too blunt but I don't care what other people think a FWB should or shouldn't be. Each to their own imo.

Absolutely fair, @Ginmel. Everyone should set their own boundaries, open communication is key, etc.

Still chatting with Mr NHS and have arranged a date...fab, except I’ve just realised I don’t even know his last name...

Well after being ghosted by MrBiker I've picked up 2 new irons I'm currently chatting with on WhatsApp. Meeting one for lunch Thursday and the other in the evening (its my only childfree day this week hence the squeeze). If the dates come off and I meet either again I will name

@FMFL that's probably normal at this stage I think?

I don't know Mr TDB's last name but I'll probably ask after our second date.

@Amber43 It depends on the person, my FWB definitely wasn’t exclusive with me, I wasn’t having sex with anyone else but ‘other’ stuff has gone on. You have to just work with rules that work for both of you and be honest with each other.

Ooh crikey @MoreNiceCereal I’ve just asked him...probably far too soon! Mine shows up on WhatsApp, I’m almost positive.

Oh don't worry!! I'm sure it will be fine.

@ElektraUnchained he is thoughtful and loving but I guess he is a bit overwhelmed that I am very nice to him and giving. He hasn't really had that before but I'm not sure whether I'm being silly.

@FMFL if you're meeting in public I wouldn't be that bothered about knowing his surname on the first date. I know you've been chatting for a while, but sometimes you can have an amazing online rapport and it just doesn't make the leap to real life. If you're a bit daft like me and meet somewhere less public, definitely get all his details to pass to a friend so they know where to dig 🙈. Joking aside, just be sensible and trust your instincts.

@Neverexpected2 Nice work - quick dates are always the best ime.

@Ginmel I tried an exclusive FWB arrnagment for about 6 weeks. It was a complete headfuck. I had no frame if reference for it and I'm a needy fucker. I learned that I'm all in or nothing.
Fortunately we still remain friends without the B bit and are both a lot happier for it. I had a slight overlap of 12 hrs with the FWB and MrC and that convinced me I'm not cut out for it 🙈😂

Arrangement not arrnagment - I didn't nag him!

I really love hearing how different we all are on here. It has demystified for me why OLD can be hard though

I find non exclusive FWBs a head fuck but I'm fine with exclusive ones.

Good to hear updates 😊

I am going to be spending Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning with Mr Pizza, with a very rude overnight involved 😁 really looking forward to it. Only 6 weeks in but all so good. I had a very intense relationship after my marriage ended and I really like the pace of this. We both clearly really like each other, but we are trying to be sensible for our children’s sakes and take everything slowly, but no game playing.
I feel so happy with everything right now.

Back from my date with Mr Psych.

It went well and he is really nice and interesting. There was a nice car park kiss at the end too

Not sure if we'll meet up again but if he asks I probably will. I didn't think I'd meet up with MrSAS again after our first date and look what happened there!

Goddamn FWB is going to be too busy to see me before his holiday.

Told todays date I couldn't see him again due to the smoking and he took it well.

On the plus side I have been swiping and have two new promising irons messaging. A woman I share a lot of interests with and a SERIOUSLY hot man who is a musician/model. Will keep you all updated.

@Amber43 I think keep going as you are but keep your heart guarded.

@JeSuisPrest good going!

@Sunshineandflipflops I hope no news is good news!