Husband having affair

[Idontwanttoregister]

I’m new, please be gentle.
I’ve literally just found out my husband of 18 years has been having a year long affair with someone from work. Although I’m numb with shock and never thought he would, I was obviously suspicious enough to check his phone tonight.
Loads of I love you messages to her, he discusses our children with her. Apparently her husband has divorced her because he found out.
Obviously looking back the signs were there. Late from work, obviously checked out etc etc. I’d tried so many times to talk to him but he shut me down. Everyone will be so shocked he’s done this, he is highly thought of.
I checked his phone, he came to bed, went to kiss me and realised it was his phone I was looking at. He went ballistic, said he wishes he’d never married me and left. He’s gone to a family members but I’m sure he’ll end up with her. You don’t have a year long affair, with I love yours for nothing. I have no one, I don’t know what to do. What do I need to do?
I’ve asked him questions but he won’t answer. I’ve asked him to contact before he comes for his things. We own (mortgage) the house jointly. I am on long term sick, unlikely to ever work again. I’m shafted aren’t I? We have very little equity in the house. Children also at private school. I can’t believe he’s done this. I go from being sick and faint to crying to anger. If anyone is around, I need to know what I do?

I took the kids camping after I left my 'd'h, I hated it but the dc loved it and it pissed off my ex no end

@ilovemydog. We need something because he just can’t control his anger, which is down to him feeling immense guilt. The issue with mediation is that he will agree to something when he’s ok and then change his mind when he’s angry.
He won’t go to counselling because he thinks the past (his affair) is in the past and doesn’t need discussing, yet throws things in my face where he thinks I’ve upset him 14 years ago.
As the saying goes, you can’t argue with stupid.
I’m seeing my solicitor next week. I would like to sell and move on but, realistically, it may be best for us to stay here and make the best of it until my youngest is 18 and then sell, and just hope I’m not financially worse off by doing so.

He now wants to reconcile and go to counselling (still hasn’t ended it with OW). I’m just ignoring his messages as he has been ignoring mine. He must be hanging onto the OW so he’s not alone. As tempting as it is (not) I think I’ll pass. None of us want him back, the girls have all said how much less stressful it is without him here. It’s tidier, we’re all pitching in (good lesson for the girls).
We were all having a good laugh last night because my youngest thinks we could make a netflix series about the last 5/6 weeks so we were coming up with famous people who could play us (she watches too much crap TV).

he wants to reconcile
FUCK THAT!!

Continue to ignore and get your solicitor to lead with him.
stupid bastard.

@figgygal. I know, I can’t believe him. I think it’s just slowly sinking in what he’s done and what he’s lost

This is spiteful I know, but if I were you and had his requests to reconcile in a text or email, I would be sorely tempted to forward them to the other woman.

Yes forward them and ask if she get him to stop sending them!

Nah - on balance it wouldn't help. But you can imagine the fall out if you did OP, the look on OW's face and the resulting conversation/fallout with the idiot H. That should raise a chuckle!

Love the Netflix banter - your girls sound wonderful - well done you - you sound like the sort of person I'd like to be friends with in real life

So who would play you and your girls ?

Eighteen months is a long time for betrayal.

I'm not sure I'd get past the lies.

@LadyBrienneofTarth. Well my youngest wants to play herself so she becomes famous 😂. I was thinking Julia Roberts for me but when they googled her they just laughed and said in your dreams!! They think I’m more Coronation street than Hollywood, what a cheek!

What??? OW has ended it....why dont you speak to her and see what's been going on OP? She may give you the whole truth

@overseasmom100 I can’t contact her, the only avenue I have is Facebook and she’s blocked me. I think she’s given him an ultimatum- move in or it’s finished, and he hasn’t moved in

It may help to try contracting family mediation service recommended by your solicitor, and then they can try to get your husband to attend rather than you trying to spin all these plates and keeping everyone happy.
What a roller coaster for sure!

Stay strong and laugh at his pathetic attempt to return. He has so little respect for you and your DD's that he actually thinks he can come back. Does he think they will forget? Wanker.

@Mylifestartstoday

You = Emily Blunt (with the strength of her character in A Quiet Place)
DD1 = Maisie Williams (aka Stranger Things)
DD2 = Millie Bobby Brown (aka GoT)

Sorry I switched the last two around by accident - but you get my drift

Hang in there, sounds like you and your DC are working on a nice life for yourselves.
Good life skill is a gift every parent should give.

Well, we’re off camping. Wish me luck. No devices allowed to give us a break.

Have a lovely break with DDs - happy camping 😊

Have a lovely time away. X

Chillax OP

We had a great time. It was tinged with sadness, and I had a bit of a cry, but overall it was brilliant, we laughed so much. Back to reality, but what it has taught me is that I can do this. There may be bumps in the road, but we’ll get there
next up we have GCSE results day to get through

He’s still messing with my head

Good you had great time, back before the storms set in