Postpartum, Prolapse & Sex Pest DH

[Mischone]

I'm 8 weeks pp with our second child. My birth was a nightmare consisting of no pain relief, a second degree perennial tear and stitches, a severe postpartum hemmorage which required a blood transfusion and I developed sepsis from invasive group A strep which frankly could have killed me. and breath!

After a fortnight in the hospital I was allowed home but still not completely well, racked with anxiety, on antidepressants and it was then that I discovered the damn prolapse. Lucky me.

Said prolapse has left me feeling like I have constant cystitis so suffice to say I have little interest in sex plus I'm still pretty traumatised by whats gone on down there, which I think is reasonable given the circumstances?

I attempted to DTD at 5 weeks PP for DH's benefit more than my own as he'd gone about a month with no sexual contact (poor man - rolls eyes) but it was awful and only confirmed my suspicions that it was far too soon and I really wasn't ready, physically or mentally. I told him how I felt and he was sympathetic.. I thought.

A couple of days surpass and he's giving me the come on again, with various proposals and offers to do things to me like he's doing me a favour, when all I'd really like is a cuddle and a bit of TLC that doesn't involve his appendage or anything else.

We've had some other limited sexual contact since then (this has been me trying to keep him happy - I can't really be arsed with it and feel horrible down below) but it's never enough, or often enough, or for long enough. He doesn't sulk per say, but let's it be known how frustrated he is.

DH has an extremely high sex drive and doesn't seem to grasp the fact I'm just not interested in his penis at the moment, his tongue or anything else. If it's relevant he's on the autistic spectrum, high functioning and unless you know him well you'd never know that, but he's known for coming across as inconsiderate which may or may not be related to the ASD.

He keeps sending me dirty texts whilst he's at work thinking I'm going to succumb to his obvious irresistibility when he gets in. He's trying it on when he's at home every day, turning a loving kiss into a grope and then looks deflated when I (tentatively) reject his advances. He tries to 'tempt' me by flashing me when he's on his way to the bathroom or getting changed, and he's even resorted to sending bloody dick pics.

Last night when I went up to bed before him he sent a stupid text asking me not to use a sex toy because he wanted me to save myself for him today. I had no intention of using a flipping vibrator last night and have no intention of having relations with him tonight. My bits feel awful which he hears about every day.

What would you recommend I do in this situation, short of LTB?

Am I neglecting my husband because i should I be getting back to normal by now?

Hi all, just checking in. I've been up all night and have had a total of 30 minutes sleep so not feeling great. My phenergan sleeping aids have ran out and the doctor isn't keen to prescribe more so I'm suffering from insomnia again

He was staying up late watching a box set so was supposed to feed DD before he went to sleep, she hadn't woke by the time he was ready to go to sleep so he didn't wake her, sods law would have it that she woke up 20 minutes after I finally dosed off after laying there with an overactive brain for three hours and by then he was dead to the world. Typical.

I'll be staying up now because the eldest will be awake soon and need tending to.

Oh my word the thought of prolapse porn makes me feel ill, I hope to god he hasn't been looking at that type of thing

How on earth can one present a prolapse on demand and why would anybody want to, for any amount of money, dear god that's beyond the pale.

I'm so sorry to those of you who've been abused by the type of men who think it's ok to treat women like a piece of meat, I really am.

Truth be told I didn't see it as abusive until I got some perspective here, remembering the sex after night out incident has also prompted me to look at things differently when combined with all of this now.

Yes I was referring to DH where I wrote (insert name) by the way.

The night out followed by degrading sex story made me feel a bit sick

I think it could be that you've overlooked or even excused some behaviours because of the ASD, but ASD can't possibly be the cause of his utter lack of respect.

Gosh he can’t even do the most basic parenting tasks.

I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad night and he’s been little help to you.

He seems to have a lot of ‘convenient’ diagnoses ( ASD , sex addiction ) that absolve him of any responsibility and somehow justify him being very selfish and self centred.

I’m rather skeptical of issues that cause no problems whatsoever for the person who has them but require a huge amount of accommodation from the women they live with.

Eg the men who have eyesight problems who cannot see mess in the house but manage to hold a driving license and play computer games on a phone.

Eg the men who have hearing loss which means they can’t hear a child crying in the night but have no trouble hearing the TV or participating in conversion in the pub.

Eg the men who are completely selfish at home and contribute nothing but money to their wife and family because they have ASD but manage to have no problems at work and socially.

Eg the men with depression who can’t hold down a job but can socialise with friends most evenings and all weekend

Just to confirm OP, Sominex is not natural, in fact it's quiet sedating (moreso than Nytol I find). Sominex Herbal is natural but it's never worked for me. Worth a try I guess but it will be nothing like what the doctor prescribed.
If you don't need to be up for the night feed and aren't breastfeeding Nytol is good to put you to sleep but won't necessarily keep you asleep.

Hope you manage to get a better rest this evening x

I've had a look online at sominex and it says it's promethazine which is exactly what my GP prescribed me, which worked brilliantly. Very glad I can get that over the counter and will be doing today.

Also says it's good for hay fever which is a bonus because I'm pretty sure my itchy eyes, congestion and constantly runny nose is down to that.

I've used nytol one a night in the past and found that quite good If not used too often too.

Yes, I meant the Sominex Herbal is not like what the dr prescribed. Sominex itself really puts me asleep 💤

That's good to know because I'm in dire need of a good sleep. I tried to grab an hour whilst the kids napped today and still couldn't switch off despite being absolutely exhausted.

Really looking forward to a good dose of Zzz!

OP I don't want to alarm you, and please don't be offended, but are you quite sure being in a deep drugged sleep, with your husband around, is a good idea?

I don't think he'd even consider doing anything to me in my sleep but to reassure anybody who may be concerned that he would, I have a lock on the inside of the bedroom door as does the spare room.

I got the sominex, I had a proper grilling by the chemist in Superdrug though.

They wanted to know why i want it, what else have I tried before asking for this, has my GP recommended it, am I sure I need it, could I not try natural ways of helping insomnia first.

Managed to convince her I only needed them short term and I'm definitely not a drug seeker, just a tired mum with a newborn and an anxiety problem

It's not going to make me feel high or anything is it? How come they were so reluctant to sell it to me?

I was taking phenergan (promazethine hydrocloride) on prescription from the GP and had no issues they worked fine, are the sominex different despite being under the same name (promazethine hydrocloride)?

It's standard to get the third degree they all have to ask as it is highly addictive. It makes me feel very relaxed it's a sleeping aid so it makes you drowsy. I would be careful taking it especially if you have to be up for a new baby. I took them for 10 years unfortunately but stopped when I had my DS (and when pregnant) as it wouldn't have been safe to deal with him at night while taking. By all means try it 30 mins before bed if you can enjoy a full nights sleep and see how you get on. Just be aware it's addictive.

People all react different to them I guess it's the same umbrella of drug. How did the drs ones make you feel

I'm so sorry to those of you who've been abused by the type of men who think it's ok to treat women like a piece of meat, I really am

That's you, OP.

My plan is to go to bed as soon as 'D'H gets home at around 8, so he can take over until he goes to bed so by the time baby wakes for her between 3-5 feed I'll have had an acceptable amount of sleep beforehand.

I felt fine on the ones I got from the GP, certainly didn't feel high or even that drowsy actually, they just relaxed me and helped me to dose off.

Noted about them being addictive, I could certainly do without that so will only take when i absolutely need them.

Come to think of it, ive felt nauseous the past two days when I haven't had them at bed time, could that be a slight withdrawal? I had been taking them for about 6 weeks

I realise that now mathanxiety

Gosh he can’t even do the most basic parenting tasks

Yes i thought this might be on the slide now he is maybe starting to realize there isnt anything in it for him.

Oh god op I am really worried about you.

Please seek some real life counselling / support for this relationship, it sounds incredibly damaging.

@Mischone

Yes I always used to fill sick and very dizzy when. I didn't even have them for a day: 6 weeks is quite a long time just be aware x
Hope your now having a peaceful sleep, OP

@Mischone how are you doing this week?

Hope things are ok, @Mischone

Hi all just checking in.

Not great to be honest, we're not getting on and he's ruined what was supposed to be a nice family weekend. We had a row the other day during which he threw in my face that he was scared to hug me and has to tread on egg shells because of what I addressed with him.

He doesn't appreciate being called hyper sexual and says I'm trying to diagnose him with things he doesn't have. Erm nope, it's called trying to understand why you're such a selfish pig.

More of the same with not fulfilling his end of the night feeds aswell. When it's his turn he has DD in with him, but he's staying up until 3-4am watching his stupid box set then going to sleep and not feeding her before he does so when she wakes in the early hours it's me who has to go in and tend to her then carry the moses basket into my room with her in it which I shouldn't be doing (prolapse)

Hes also taken to leaving the front door unlocked and not securing the home when he comes in from smoking, despite me having addressed that too.

We were due to go to a family fun day today but that won't happen now, I've got a stinking cold and desperately needed to recoup some sleep which hasn't happened. I'll be up again in an hour when the eldest wakes up.

And to think he tries to imply he's doing me a favour by staying up all night on the weekend.

He goes back to work tomorrow at which point it'll all go over his head and he can recommence being care free and forget any of this ever happened whilst I'm stuck at home looking after the children and seething.

I'm starting to hate him.

Oh @Mischone I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm sure I can speak for everyone else on here when I say we are sending you strength, you are amazing.

It sounds like very petulant behaviour and that he doesn't have your back. Is it the case that he is really only thinking of his own feelings, needs & desires?

So he is gaslighting you again - he is telling you he is scared to hug you. You know well what the behaviour was that you were talking to him about (groping, wanting sex, catcalling, etc), and you know well that it wasn't affectionate hugs.

I am not surprised you are starting to hate him.

He certainly hates you.

The pantomime with the 'night feedings' is pure 'Fuck You for asking me to help you. There is nothing in this for me'.

He sounds a deeply unpleasant man