"Hilarious" things narcissists have said

[EvilHerbivore]

It's 5 years today since I last spoke to my mother and just sat thinking about the reasons why and how they'd almost be funny if they weren't so sad

For example, when I told my mother I was pregnant with DS1 her response was 'why didn't you ask me?' - just for background I didn't live with her or expect her to do any childcare or pay for anything, had no real impact on her life whatsoever, she just couldn't believe I hadn't asked her permission first

I could probably do a whole thread of these on my own but anyone else got any corkers?

My ex boyfriend when I found out he was cheating, broke into a massive grin and said, I did that for you baby, I know you can be the jealous type sometimes, so I really want you to work on that, and I'm trying to help you.

Diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder 6 months later. But apparently psychotherapists will 'say anything to get money out of people'.

I lived abroad when my sister suddenly died. My mother in law came to visit a few days later and was enthusiastically making plans for her family to all have a get together while we are over. I asked if we could just focus for the time being on getting through the funeral and to please not make arrangements for DH’s brothers and uncles to visit at my parents house but she just snapped “It’s important that he gets to see his family too!”
I’m still reeling over that 15 years later.

It was fathers day. He hadn't seen his own adopted children for 3 months. He asked me to drop them off and pick them up for a 2 hour visit.

Narcs are such a breed apart aren’t they?

Mine can’t see me as a separate entity. My children, my life are an extension of hers and she should have total ownership of it all. This manifested by no boundaries, taking over my position as mother, constant questioning and undermining if I attempted to make a decision about anything for myself, and hot white rage if any of us showed her up in some way. Plus a massive expectation of special treatment, no matter if it inconvenienced me, because I am not actually a full person, I’m just an extension and if she’s ok with something then I must be, right?

We are v v v low contact.

SunshineCake I had to check but couldn't find any other Darkest so assume you're referring to me. I was reading thinking dp doesn’t sound 'that' bad compared to these. We're not really talking, besides DC related stuff after the latest pointless fight I've given up, I feel like I'm in mourning now. I feel so sad. But right now the reasons would be. I'm really sick and I just can't deal with it right now. And that I need to grieve and accept its over first and find the courage to deal with it.

He's been spectacularly unsupportive since my conditions worsened last year whilst patting himself on the back for how amazing he is because, well as far as I can figure because he works and takes DC on an outing each weekend. I get it thrown at me how supportive he is and how he's done everything for us.

Too many to note down with my mother but two that stand out most vividly are:

The time she called me to have a go that I hadn't called my father the day previously to ask after his gp appointment. Well no I hadn't, I was somewhat busy having surgery and being off my tits on morphine. She knew that but it wasn't good enough. She didn't ask after me at all when it was pointed out.

When I was pregnant with dc1 she was excited at first but then became uninterested because she had to think of my sister's puppies first. Then later had a go because it was awful I was having dc when sister can't have them (news to me). A few years later sister gets pregnant, she swears she never told me my sister could have kids . Sister sadly lost the baby but we had many many incidents of mother bewailing how horrendous it was that no one cared about how she felt (yes how my mother felt, not my sister who'd thankfully had support elsewhere) losing her precious longed after grandchild - all said in front of her 2 existing gc.

Just goes to show how many of these sorts are about and also, how many are women too. So many people with npd mothers, it's scary.

Never told me my sister couldnt have kids even

Oh I forgot this one! When I told (drunk PD) mother I'd been diagnosed with lupus she said "don't tell me that you'll make me feel guilty"
She often says "your face is very red, are you due on?" and I very patiently say "no, I have rosacea...what with the lupus". EVERY TIME.

When my narcs were complaining about "never getting to see me" (read: "you never do anything for us anymore"), I said "well, it goes both ways, you've never even invited me around for so much as a cup of tea since you moved".. they replied with "There's no room to invite you round".

They had moved into my old flat.. where they had moved themselves in with me for 6 months just a year prior. I just got a blank stare when I reminded them of this.

My mother has done many of the things mentioned on this thread. It's fascinating how similar the scripts are. Luckily I can laugh at her now (mostly). I think a lot of it comes from her significant anxiety and a resulting need to control everything around her to try and fix things or get what she considers to be the best outcome.

"I'm really upset that you can't be more flexible with your wedding, I suspect this is what you really wanted"
My father a week before our wedding, he'd just announced that he couldn't give me away and wouldn't make a speech because my DM would be in the room, he was now asking me to have her leave the wedding for a time so he could be there or give him another special role that she wouldn't be anywhere near. We are now very low contact. My DM had been trying to get everyone in a room for months so we could discuss this all like adults, he declined.

One from exh: "you ought to think yourself lucky, you had me for nine years". I managed not to kill him, God knows how.

Ex - "you are desperate for attention on social media posting photos. You are blatantly cheating, I don't trust you, this is all your fault" fast forward 3 months turns out h was still happily married to his wife the whole time and when I told her the truth

"You have ruined my sons life, my family and any chance of us"

My Ex, when the DC were small.

"I know your dad's having open heart surgery, but we're doing this day trip on one of my rare days off. If he dies, there's nothing you can do."

Now he's an ex, I can see just how awful this was. Luckily Dad's still here. Ex had regular days off, his job wasn't that busy. It could have waited.

DarkestBeforeTheDawn4 I am sorry if my post upset you, I felt so sad for you. You get one life. Don't waste it on him. If you started a thread about the practicality of leaving you'd get all the help you want and need. Take care.

EvilHerbivore it was my NC anniversary with my M yesterday too - only a year, but a lovely peaceful one.

One time I arrived at hers with a poorly child in tow (not going into details as to why, as it'd be outing, but suffice to say that said poorly child had been vomiting all night, so there'd been precious little sleep for either of us, and in addition we'd had numerous vomit-stops on the hard shoulder on the 2 hour car journey - and she casually wondered in a passive-aggressive way why I hadn't thought to bring her any books to read. She was fit and solvent (in her 60s) and we weren't in the habit of book-swapping, so at the time in my tired and stressed state the comment just mystified me, but afterwards I realised just how massively self-centred and selfish it was.

‘I was the best thing that ever happened to you.’ said to me by my abusive ex after he had told me to leave two days after my Dad’s death, told me that he had planned to defraud me and still owes me thousands of pounds. He also tried to persuade me to kill myself.

Yeah right.

In the year that I was made redundant, had made three house moves, my Dad had died and I had been thrown out of my home and defrauded by my ex my Mother told me that it was nothing and I was selfish for saying that I couldn’t cope anymore.

She went on to leave a voice message which clearly implied that she was going to kill herself (after numerous threats). When I reported it to the emergency services and they went to her house (at the time 200 miles from me) she said that I had made it all up!

I am now NC with her and my sister.

I have a very serious and life threatening heart condition which makes me tired and I often feel ill due to a combination of the condition and medication.

When I was in touch with them if I ever said ‘I’m tired.’ or ‘My heart’s playing up.’ They would ask ‘Why?’ As another poster said upthread, it was every single time!

I asked my mother why she wasn’t going with my Dad to his chemo as he was terrified of needles and hospitals. Her reply was ‘Why would I go? It’s boring!’

@NorthernSpirit My dad died and when she saw me crying said ‘stop crying, you have no reason to be upset he was my husband’

That could have come straight out of my mother’s mouth!

When I was in the hospital in the middle of a long induced labour with my DC1 DM rang the MW and proceeded to tell her all about her births over 3 decades ago and how bad it all was and how stressed she is. She went on so much to the MW she actually came in and said for God sake can you please ring your Mother. Dh retrieved my phone from my bag and found messages from DM asking me to ring her because her anxiety was through the roof and how this was affecting ‘her’ so badly. Funnily enough in the middle of a very painful traumatic labour ringing my dm to make ‘her’ feel better couldn’t have been further from my mind.

Oh I have another but this time about my DF. On calling him to inform him newborn ds was unexpected very unwell and in hospital his response was:

‘Don’t tell me I can’t cope with it’ and ‘I don’t want to know because it’ll make me stressed and just tell me when everything is better.’ At that time we didn’t know what would happen! Then he hung up!

@IrisAtwood that was the final nail in the coffin for me. For years I knew something wasn’t right but I couldn’t put my finger in it. For years friends had said to me ‘your mum isn’t very nice to you’ but i’d dismissed those comments. Then the penny dropped and I realised what an cow she had been to me most of my life.

She had also fallen out with all of my dads family and her own family - but that of course was their fault and she was the victim.

Very very LC with her now. The relief is immense.