"Hilarious" things narcissists have said

[EvilHerbivore]

It's 5 years today since I last spoke to my mother and just sat thinking about the reasons why and how they'd almost be funny if they weren't so sad

For example, when I told my mother I was pregnant with DS1 her response was 'why didn't you ask me?' - just for background I didn't live with her or expect her to do any childcare or pay for anything, had no real impact on her life whatsoever, she just couldn't believe I hadn't asked her permission first

I could probably do a whole thread of these on my own but anyone else got any corkers?

@Springfern @Toska

I used to have the dubious pleasure of working alongside a vicar who managed to divide a previously closely-knit team so that they ended up at each other's throats. She was really very subtle about it and you would have to have had fully functioning NarcRadar to spot what was going on. There must be a whole squad of them out there

I also forgot to add that DH told me that if my 3 x chronic diseases end up meaning he'll have to care for me, he'd leave as it would be unfair for him to have his life ruined... Sad thing is I almost agree :-(

@WishingILivedOnAnIsland sounds like my dad who would shout or message me horrible things like f** yourself when he was pissed off with me with some unknown reason . So when I went low contact and eventually nc as I wanted a apology from him , he said I was the devil and a attention seeker He somehow tried to turn it on me and even my dm asked for my side . I keep the messages to remind myself that I did the right thing they don't upset me I just laugh . I feel sorry for the rest of the family who don't seam to except or realise how manipulative and narcissistic he is .

Also should add my dm said it's the medication he's on he's like that with everyone. That's ok then also odd how I was only informed of his medication after I went nc and this was after many years of his shit .

My ex, when my brother was in hospital after a very serious motorbike accident, booked himself a motorbike lesson to prove that it was easy and my brother had been doing something very wrong. (A van had actually run him and his bike over, he hadn't done anything)
Ex got on the bike and immediately fell off. I don't think I've ever been so happy.

Dimebag10M That’s horrendous. If I were you I’d start creating a life separate from your prick of a husband, including thinking about future accommodation, eg ground floor flat, bungalow. If you prepare for worst case scenario, then you’ll actually be more contented knowing that everything is in place. Don’t rely on a man who will treat you as an inconvenience.

This has made me think about my own mother. She's said/done 2 things which have appalled me. When my sister got pregnant at 22 to a guy she'd not known long (30 years ago) our mum said she wouldn't speak to her again unless she had an abortion or got married, because of social stigma. My dad and I continued to visit my sister but then they did marry when she was 8m pregnant and mum resumed her relationship with her. Sister's husband became abusive and raped her and they divorced.

Then when my nephew was around 20 he went off the rails a little and caused us worry.(soon back on track and now a happy successful man). Mum said to me one night in the midst off the worry (after a few sherries) that it would have even better if my sister had had an abortion. I just got up and walked out. Otherwise she's been a loving grandmother to my nephew and never said or done anything else that remotely comes near those 2 comments.

@DarkestBeforeTheDawn4 don't give up, you will find a way out!!

Arriving home with newborn. Literally as I walked through the door, MIL said. "I heard you were amazing (getting through labour), but not as amazing as me" I actually thought she was joking....alas no. Typical

It must be nice to go through the world doing whatever you want and never feeling you are at fault ever....

This is my ILs but it’s not nice for them now they are cut off. I think we were the first people to do it and mean it and although I sometimes wonder whether DH will change his mind when they are on their deathbeds, right now they are mortified that they have been disowned. They do believe they are in be right but it’s not nice for them.

Four years since they saw my DC. All they had to do was apologise but they refused. They would rather not see them!

Ex parents in law calked me thick - i have 3 degrees they have none

After a screaming row where they pinned my ex h up against the wall by the throat whilst screaming about the f ing bitch he has married and what a dick he was to marry me in front of the children - later than evening I was told I was too sensitive and of course they didn’t mean it it was just ‘hot air’ and normally conversation the reason for the screaming was their dog (who has bitten people) ran through the shut front door (unlocked but opened by them) and jumped on our 10 month old DC snapping and was pulled off by ex H by the collar - apparently a dog is the same as a child ?? Go figure

Sorry for typos argh...... my post makes no sense !

It must be nice to go through the world doing whatever you want and never feeling you are at fault ever....

Like WishingILivedOnAnIsland says, I often wonder how my narc SIL (who is famous where we live for being horrific) has gone through life not realising how bloody dreadful she is, but then nobody in the family ever stands up to her and she terrorised me throughout my marriage.

I could write an entire thread about the bitch - but will just leave this here ... on my wedding day SIL was 'best man' (as DH is totally under her control) - she wore a long, white see-through dress with black knickers underneath to upstage me.

She also made a long speech which never mentioned me once and handed out a photocopied booklet to my guests with lots of childhood photos of her and DH.

Am separated now from ex (also a narc but to a lesser degree) but she still haunts me, spreading rumours about me, trying to stir up trouble with ex-h and texting my kids. I should have run a mile from the relationship the minute I met her - am NC on a 1:1 level but short of murder cannot remove her from my life.

Comment of the thread for me is from StPancras though - the sand and pineapple table decorations - possibly the tackiest and most hilarious narc attack ever Bet SIL wishes she'd thought to replace my table decorations with photos of herself.

Sending thoughts and to all on here affected by this plague though - I thought my in-laws were a one-off, but reading this, clearly not

Another one here whose narc in-laws don’t see us because they refuse to apologise (for verbal abuse and stealing!) They haven’t seen our child for years. They send nasty messages still though, saying they don’t know what they did 🙄. They can fool themselves all they like but any normal person who wanted to see their GC would do anything necessary, even apologise if they didn’t think they were in the wrong. They have been told this but they say they have never apologised in their lives and will go to the graves not apologising.

Their choice.

Is this behaviour on the rise, or is it just that we've developed a terminology around it so we can describe and discuss it more accurately?

Auntie and Nan when I was about 8 locked DM in the kitchen. Nan held me tight while Auntie shock me telling me I was mental and needed to stop hurting DM by being the way I was. I was very ill at the time and nearly hospitalised.
Nan while grandfather was ill "don't ask any but me how he is and I'll decided whether I want you to know or not"
Auntie when grandfather died "he told
me on his death bed he hated you all" my grandad was a lovely man. NC with that side of the family for years now.
DM on 21st Birthday I'll make sure your life is a living hell from now on. All because a friend had apparently organised a party for me that my mum wasn't invited to. There was never any party

Whosorrynow! I think people are calling out those who are narcissistic more than they ever did.

Independence from parents means they don’t need to “keep them sweet” as older generations did. Those older generations ruled by fear and had control. They could smear people in the community, cause you to lose your job, your friends... people don’t have that hold anymore (thank goodness!) and there is more opportunity to move away from the toxic environment if they do.

There is information about behavioural disorders easily available on the internet now, so people can put a name to what is happening, learn that it is abuse even if it has been their “normal”.

So I think people have always been like this, it is just being stood up to now.

I thought my mother was bad but some of these are appalling.
My mother's most batshit one was when she phoned me to remind me that it was my son's birthday, she didn't want me to forget. Trouble was she told me his birthday was on the 18th it wasn't, his birthday was the 17th. In a twenty minute phone call she insisted that it was the 18th. She just kept on telling me I was wrong, she said, well Spiteful, I should know because I was there. I asked her where the fuck she thought I was?

SpitefulBreasts MIL did this to me also, reminded me it was my son’s first birthday. I was 😲. I must admit I was PA and reminded her when it was FIl’s birthday 🤭. She went ballistic!

When I was 15 and at the most awkward of teenage stages, my mother told me that when her friend had said to her that she thought I was starting to look better, the friend’s teenage son (who I had a huge crush on) had piped up to say that I couldn’t get any worse looking.

My mother told me this because it hurt her feelings.

(ex) Friend to her daughter's boyfriend "Come and take your girlfriend home, she's fucking annoying me"

Her daughter was staying with said friend as she (the daughter) miscarried her first child at 22 weeks.

I get on well with my mum but do notice more a lot dysfunctional things since my parents lived with us. She is very sensitive and takes a lot of things personally, and can't handle anything remotely negative. Understandable at the moment as my dad died recently, but she has always been like that.

I think my parents suffer(ed) from mild depression each in their own way, my mum was and is often tetchy and grumpy over minor things when I was a kid, and it's like having another teenager in the house sometimes with her moods. My dad, I realised a few years ago, was very critical and unsupportive and 95% of the time, very stern and grumpy. Also they are/were both perfectionists in her own way. I have my moments and certainly had depression myself when the kids were younger, but these days I feel absolutely zen compared with my parents, especially in how I am towards my kids and DH.

My mum constantly niggled and nagged at my dad, often with good reason, but as I pointed out a few times, after 50 years he was hardly likely to change. I'm sure she thinks I'm too soft on DH and that he has a charmed life, and she certainly thinks I'm too soft on DDs. But I just believe in doing everything with kindness where possible! Anyway, all parents make mistakes and I'm sure I'm making my fair share, they are/were good parents in many ways and nothing like on the level of the stately homes thread and comments on here. But reading these threads does give me a lot of insight and it's amazing what everyone considers as normal growing up, because up, because it's what you're used to.

My mum and dad are both narcs. It took until we had our first child to really see it, but with that perspective, looking back, it has always been the case. DW and I were able to deal with it up until that point but when our son came along it really escalated. I’m sure my mum felt she was losing her grip on power in some way and couldn’t handle it so started being really weird, passive agressive and picking fights.

My DW would not tolerate it in her vulnerable state and I had to choose, so I did and easily.

It came to a head at a family wedding when my Mum’s behaviour was off the scale.

I cut contact. Was pestered by enable and lesser narc dad and tried a couple of times to patch it up only to be screamed at and abused for simply not living my life in a way that pleased them enough or placed them on enough of a pedestal.

Comments included “you’d be nothing without us, you ARE nothing without us”

“I am the most important person in this family” etc etc

I cut contact again. Then was harassed by phone, message and WhatsApp. Blocked. Then DF would hang around outside my work. The stress of that alongside working and looking after a young family was damaging my physical and mental health.

There is no solution other than their fantasy of me being “brought to heel”. Even complete submission though would not be good enough now, what’s gone so far would be held against me for ever.

Eventually I sent an email outlining the position, calling out the behaviour and asking how we could feasibly move forward given that I am 40 years old, life my life as I see fit and won’t submit to them. No response and the peace is incredible.

They have not seen my son since he was a baby and have never met by DD.

They have also fallen out with both of their respective families so I know it isn’t me and I have no regrets.

As for the seeming spike in these things, I think that I’m this generation people are not being helped by GPs anywhere near as much and are less beholden to them. So it is easier to see through the gaslighting bullshit of “duty” to please narc parents and more and more people are breaking away.

@cranetime @Ilovemylabrador @Chooseyourweapon it's a bit of a common theme on the thread isn't it? The denial, the minimising, the attempts to flip the blame onto the conduct of the person who gave them a consequence.

I wonder if they genuinely don't understand what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't,
or if they know exactly why they are being sidelines and it's all just manipulative gaslighting games.

We reduced contact with PIL after the aforementioned screaming and wailing in front of our DC. Queue months of emails, texts and phone calls of them sobbing about how hurtful and confusing OUR behaviour is to THEM.

They claim to be completely at a loss to understand how we could have misconstrued what was simply an 'outpouring of emotion' and how it could have caused us to cruelly exclude and alienate them from their own DGC.

Won't apologise, won't admit to any wrong doing. Alternatively they deny yelling at us, and then a few minutes later blame us for upsetting them to the point where they were yelling. 🙄 it's exhausting.

@Streetwise, I agree that these days people feel less beholden to their parents whilst parents are still hanging onto the belief that children owe them unconditional loyalty
I certainly feel that my parents put their own parents well ahead of me and my needs and then when I was an adult expected me to put my parents before my own children

I do remember that my mother was very angry when I became pregnant with my second child, at the time I was completely baffled at her response but now I can see that this is because she instinctively understood that it would be harder to control me when my attention was focused on two children rather than just one