"You are short and thick"

[Nadia86]

Hi. First time poster here. Need some advice or perspective. I realise people have real problems and this is probably nothing but I am lost and really not sure what to do.
Have been with my boyfriend just over a year .Great relationship ,partnership I would say ,no issues at all. Until this week. We do not live together ,we are happy as we are.
We talk all the time on the phone ,whatsapp as we live in different places ,half an hour away train journey. We see each other 2-3 times a week –again it suits us fine.
Two days ago we were talking about my country of origin on whatsapp and I said my looks indicate where I come from (facial features etc no need for detail here).To which he responded that he didn’t think I was tall enough –he pictured women from my country to be tall and slim and I am “short and thick”! I got annoyed and told him so and was not very chatty with him all day that day but didn’t discuss it any further as I wanted to see him on Wednesday (as we previously planned) to discuss what he said and why I thought it wasn’t nice.
The next day we just had a casual chat on whatsapp as usual and I said to him why his comment was unnecessary and that I couldn’t believe he didn’t get it. He responded with ……a gallery of screen shots of “thick” Instagram models (curvy pretty girls but not skinny ) saying “I stand by what I said –you are not skinny”. To which I replied that I am more than aware of what I look like and that it is not necessary for him to point it out. And then I mentioned about me coming over tonight and said I would like us to have dinner etc and we could discuss it ,I could explain my point of view and just see each other. He told me to give it a miss and that if he is making me so insecure then we both need to give it some thought…. That was yesterday afternoon .Not heard anything since. Spoke to a few friends and decided to give him time.

Wtf????? I am struggling to see where I went wrong here apart from pointing out I didn’t like the comment and that I wanted to explain to him why.
Not sure what the hell this silence from him means. This has never happened before. We are both 35,mature adults who have not had any issues like that before.
My issue is - I am still just as insecure as any other woman is. I am a UK size 8/10,very fit, healthy and attractive (don’t mean to sound in love with myself as that’s not the case). I am awesome! I know I am not tall and slim and I am thick and curvy but I am who I am . I look good. He loves my body and I love his. He is healthy ,fit and we both have the same goals in regards to our health and fitness and we support each other. Not sure why he tried so hard to tell me /prove to me that I am not skinny! To do his stupid instagram research to prove his point as if I didn’t get what he was saying first time around.
And whats worst –I haven’t heard from him since yesterday. Not sure what the hell is going on. Spoke to some friends – different ideas here as what happened-he is in a huff because I was in a huff (lol). He is trying to show me who is the boss and that I am wrong. 3-He knows he did wrong and does not want to admit it. Honestly I am lost. Cant stand this silence.I am pissed off and want to tell him that but will not do it over a text. One friend suggested he is acting like a child and playing games (again it has never happened before). Other friend told me to ignore it. But I am too angry and sad at the same time to leave it like this. What do I do?????

I've just read the whole thread, but he seems awful, OP. Whether or not he meant it as a compliment or not, you didn't take it that way so he should have apologised in the beginning. Not sure why people were taking his side in the beginning!

I agree with PPs who were saying that he didn't like being challenged. And this whole silent treatment thing is utterly pathetic. He's shown his true colours!

@Nadia86 - so sorry.

Whether or not you overreacted, I don't think any of us can say. As you know I would have reacted in the same way. But it could have been resolved in a few mins with reassurances from him and that he didn't mean to annoy you with the sending of the pics etc.

How he's behaving now is a bit shit. You need someone who can do "hassle" like this, as morality pointed out, because you are worth the hassle. Heck, you've hardly had any disagreements through the course of your relationship so this was a way to see how he handles them.

I don´t know if it is a sign of him being abusive or not, but it is a sign of him being someone who isn't fun to be in a relationship with. In all long term relationships there will be disagreements and difficult conversations to be had. It sounds like this is your first time in this situation in this relationship and it is turning out that he won't communicate properly with you. This is what dating is for - finding out whether or not you are compatible. Sadly, so far it doesn't sound like you are.

Yes thank you @Carla1983

@sonjadog. Thank you. Thought that after 1 year he would at least try

Not unreasonable to expect a bit better from him than this. He's behaving like a teenager.

I feel bad for you xx

@ElizThompson - she already has made the first step repeatedly and tried to talk to him, he's giving her the silent treatment.

@ElizThompson yeah he is hurting all right!

RTFT new posters!

This is not the way an adult relationship functions. I don't think many women would have taken being told they were "short and thick" particularly well, but whether or not there was an initial overreaction by the OP is, tbh, by the by at this point. He has been giving you the silent treatment for what, five days now? I thought my ex was bad for this, he never went that long! I think he is doing it to punish you, but even if it is just because he can't be bothered with the "hassle" as Morality said, it's just childish.

Honestly OP I would walk at this point. You didn't even have a real row, can you imagine if you actually had a major argument? Is this the kind of relationship you want going forward?

I dont think I want to be with him anymore @motherofcats81 but Im too emotional to make any decisions yet

That's ok @Nadia86 take your time. I do think you will find though that once you put an end to it you will feel better xx

I’m confused! He said you’re short & thick, you took offense, yet later you state “I know I am not tall and slim and I am thick and curvy.”
So, it’s only offensive if he says it?

@Hadjab yes! Surely you can understand that someone else pointing out something about you that you struggle with, or have struggled with, might be offensive?

A person may know that they are overweight, for example, but a loved one pointing it out and then refusing to acknowledge it may have upset them is a different matter entirely!

I'd only read the first post and thought "It's over." Glad you've reached the same conclusion, OP.

I get their was some miscommunication over some words. Tbh I hadn't heard of that term myself. These things happen, adults usually chat it out but dragging it on for days and the silent treatment is mental abuse.

So, you're waiting around for him to decide if he wants to stay with you ? Hmmm

I don't understand why he hasn't just voiced his thoughts. He should have been mature enough to say that he needed a few days of no contact rather than ignoring you.

It does sound like his true colours are showing. Tbh if it were me I'd probably have messaged him and said "I'm texting you, as you are obviously ignoring me and trying to decide whether to stay with me, all I wanted you to know was that I never heard of that word, I misunderstood you, I wanted to apologise and move on, however, I don't have the time, the patience or the interest to sit around waiting for you to decide on my future, so let me make this easy for you, it's over, goodbye, good luck ". Then delete his number.

Any man who intentionally ignores and gives the silent treatment to is not worth your time. Why should you wait for him to decide when he is going to speak to you.? He's shown who he is in a VERY minor disagreement, what would he be like if something serious were to crop up ? Don't waste your time tying yourself up in knots.

@Lipz I might use your idea for the text for him,thank you :)

DO NOT TEXT HIM. At all.

Just live your life as though he is never coming back.

PLEASE don't show him he has centrality for you. Ignore him the way he is ignoring you. People who don't attach really can 'flick the switch off'. Just like that.

This is not a nice person, Nadia. People who care about you and are attached to you, are prepared to resolve things and meet you half way on the whole.

Ive got stuff at his house ,quite a few things,some I will need to get before Im away on my holidays.What do I do about that?Ive got a key but would like to make sure he is ok with me collecting my stuff while hes at work so I dont see him. I will not enter his house without communicating with him.

I feel quit upset for you reading this thread. It might have all been a stupid misunderstanding that both of you reacted badly to, although I would have been the same as you, but his reaction since has been pathetic. How disappointing! How can you have a serious relationship with someone that waltzes off at the slightest hiccup and ignores you for days? How are you meant to get through bigger, more serious problems in life if you can't even talk through the little ones? Anyway, you sound like you have lots of good plans on the horizon to keep you smiling, which is good and something to focus on.

@honeyroar thank you 😊

I ran this by my partner (the initial 'incident') and was surprised to find that his opinion was actually way more damning & critical than mine - he said he could have been a lot more diplomatic, and felt the photos thing was making it worse/inappropriate.

I have to say I thought he was just a bit tactless and was just trying to explain himself (and that what he meant wasn't negative).

His behaviour since .. I dunno. Over the top, cold, bad mannered, no comments conflict resolution. That's why I came to the conclusion that he is either extremely intolerant and/or not anywhere near as invested as you might have presumed.

But just to let you know that re. the initial incident, even blokes (!) can understand why you were offended and don't think you were the one (or the only one) to be apologising.

Don't know how 'comments' snuck in there.

Thank you @Moralitym1n1 He is not as invested I fear. Im trying to move on at least in my head.As somebody else said,I will feel much better for it ,eventually.... Have a great day everyone :)

Hi, hope you are ok.

In a day or 2, I would send a text that says something like 'can you pack my stuff in a box. I can collect it while you are at work and leave your key.'

And that's it. Get your stuff and go in holiday.