Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

StealthNinjaMum I do wonder whether I come across as boring in my messages on OLD as I find so many of my contacts just drop off after a while as it all fizzles out. Maybe I need to up my game. To be fair most of the guys who contact me either start out with a 'Hi there' message or 'Hello beautiful' so they are not exactly poet laureate themselves .

I am having very sporadic and rather boring Whatsapp exchanges with Mr Sailor which just seem to be about the weather, and when I suggested we chat one evening on the phone, he didn't reply. He is busy this weekend and when I suggested meeting next weekend or during the week next week, he said okay, but didn't make a firm commitment. And yet he is active on POF and Whatsapp so probably has lots of other conversations going on and has put me on the back burner.

There are no decent potential irons on POF near me at the moment and Tinder is a dead loss too. I think I am sinking into OLD despair again. Normally I would lift my mood by going for a run or going to the gym, but my blasted foot and ankle are still not up to it. I am still limping which is very frustrating but my physio assures me that I am making progress towards recovery.

I am also having a horrible time at work. A combination of bullying which has not been dealt with well despite me making a formal complaint (as a last resort when it couldn't be resolved any other way) and a toxic atmosphere caused by a narcissist in the team . Both the bully and the narcissist impact directly on my work and I have been told by my boss to tread carefully around them and try to avoid upsetting them. The narcissist is taking full advantage of the situation and I am fed up of being the reasonable person who puts up with sh*t on a daily basis. I think my stress is exacerbated by the fact that I have no one to sound off to at home about it and am not able to exercise to relieve the stress. My sister talked me out of handing my notice in last week but I am seriously considering asking my GP to sign me off due to stress. If any of you have experience of getting signed off due to stress could you PM me please as I am not sure what to say to my GP (who sadly is not very good).

@Savoretti I say this as a fellow runner but I think I'd struggle to feel a spark on a run with a new date. Not the most conducive environment for romance!

Ha ha know what you mean @Sunshineandflipflops. But I’m quite a laid back person and quite like a run date. Ran with MrTooMarried and we couldn’t wait to get to the woods

Hi all.

Well my budding romance was short lived. Basically I had loads of niggling doubts about him but he always reassured me. Only a few week relationship.

Said he was so old fashioned with his morals honest, doesn't cheat, respectful etc. Deleted some of his OLD even though I didn't ask or mention it.
He had a lot of red flags when I look back.

But basically had one date, then the second. Before the second I'd seen he'd been bumble so I called it off. He took screenshots showed me he wasn't talking to anyone it was because he'd seen me on there.

We met up, we DTD. It wasn't great but ok. I had doubts then. But kept going with it. He text all night. Signed off with goodnight sweetheart on Tuesday night.

Then nothing, this guy always sent a good morning text. We would chat all day.

I got nothing from him. He then replied to a FB post with a random comment. Which by this time I ignored as I thought well you haven't text.

I've not heard one thing from since. I'll be honest I'm quite hurt that he seemed fine and then just said goodnight sweetheart. Then nothing, nothing at all.

It's obv he just wanted sex. I mean he wasn't great in bed come very quickly indeed. We even both fell asleep in his arms after. He was on the phone to his friend after and told them about me whilst I was there.

It's just bizarre that a middle aged man would act like this and I feel used. Like I wasn't good enough for him.

@lifegoes Sorry to hear that. Did he send the last message though? The good night sweatheart one? Maybe he was waiting for you to message him?

Hello everyone. Is it okay if I join too? I've been divorced 4 years and had a very toxic 1 year relationship. I have 1 ds and just set up my first OLD profile this week on bumble.
Have my first ever date tomorrow with a man I will call MrPlumber. He has kid same age as mine and is gorgeous and so easy to speak to.
I'm a bit niggled that he lives so far away from his child though, over 400 miles (he moved back to his home town after divorce) he has them all of holidays etc but it's a bit of a red flag for me. Aside from that he has been so proactive in messaging and booked a beautiful romantic restaurant so I'm going to go and have a good time (I hope!)

I had a great date last Saturday with my date,which rolled into Sunday where we hung out and walked the dog and I made him breakfast. He was so keen.
Well,he works shifts and this week it's lunchtime to 9pm and he goes to work at 12 noon. I have two mornings off this week and asked Monday if he fancied meeting up for coffee at 10 as I was in his town,like 5 minutes away!! He said he had to have a shower and sort for work which was fine. Today I sent a breezy txt saying the same but same reply.

I said that's cool,no probs. He keeps mentioning the weekend but I have my DC so it's going to be hard. I could pop out for an hour or two but just feel I'm making more of an effort than him.
His texts are consistent and affectionate and nothing sexual so I just dont know what's going on.
We didn't dtd last weekend. I just dont know what to think! Perhaps I wait till next week when he is on morning shifts and see if we can meet up a little more. Sigh

I've just been reported on POF!!
55 (old enough to know better), lives 2hrs away (my profile say local only).
His opening message "hi slim"

Normally I would ignore but his headline says - Always reply it's rude not to. So I replied. What do you think? Was he right to report me?

My reply "it's not rude not to reply. There are many reasons why a message doesn't get a response. What is rude, is not bothering to read my profile then commenting on my body shape. You wouldn't walk up to someone in a pub and say 'hi slim'. So please don't do it on here.'

He replied that he'd reported me. And has blocked me.
I can still get on POF so I don't think this really means anything.

I have a date with Miss Jo'burg tonight!

For those of you that have been on the thread a while is that typical? Dates are like buses? None for ages, then several come together?

AverageGuy shame your date didn't want to see you again. But it sounds like a good evening anyway.
If I'm meeting in a pub then I'll usually check if we're meeting inside or out. I waited 30mins for a date once then left. He claimed he was in the corner of the pub reading the newspaper but I didn't see him and so waited outside. He didn't answer his phone either which didn't help.

Lovemusic hope you're ok. Please tell us you have blocked the idiot.

kerkyra that doesn't sound great. Maybe suggest a time next week so he can plan his day. See how he reacts. He should be excited to see you again.

lifegoes sorry to hear you've been messed around. What about asking him where you stand?

Thanks myold. I'm just used to seeing someone a few times a week so it has thrown me a bit. He is so chilled and played back and I did think that might be good for me,but I'm finding it frustrating. Will see what happens.
Average guy,how exciting! Yes, weeks of nothing then they all pop out the woodwork...good luck!

lilyrose88 I wondered if I was boring but I think sending messages is definitely a skill. I make more of an effort to send funny replies and emojis to my friends as well and I am much less insular than I was six months ago. I also think asking questions in a way that isn't too pushy is another skill needed to carry on a conversation. I'm a middle aged woman yet have learnt so much this year like sexting I am glad my husband left me.

Just read about the bullying situation. fucking hell. Is this something you can create a thread on for advice on? Your boss sounds incompetent if they can't deal with those people. I have never been signed off for stress does your GP surgery have a more sympathetic GP you can speak to instead or can hr better deal with the bully / narc?

I've also descovered today son has used my card for his ps4 and I am talking hundreds,so trying to sort and ex is over later to help. Just called bank to cancel card. The ps4 is going in the attic,there is no way his aspergers is taking the blamed.
Its times like this I need a hug.

@Sunshineandflipflops no I replied back saying aww you remembered the sweetheart part - as he knew I liked that. And goodnight.

He has always sent good morning messages always even when he was away.

He did sent a message on FB but tbh it was a weird message.

Myold I don't think I should, it's now well over 24 hours and not one text from him. A guy who told me over and over to let my guard down and trust him. He was a respectful honest person.

lifegoes if he has to tell you over and over to trust him and that he was respectful and honest, then I think he's trying to convince himself. Sorry he's done that to you.
I would send a message saying "are we done?" but that's just me.

kerkyra big virtual hug for you

MyOld I normally would do that. But I think his no text is a response tbh. He could have text yesterday but didn't.

@kerkyra Sorry to hear that. It's times like these it would be nice to have a big hug and a shoulder to cry on isn't it. I hope you can sort it out with your card company.

Just back from a dog walk and checked my phone and a miss call from him. He has never called before,so maybe I'm being silly. He said he wanted to hear my voice when I texted him asking if all ok and that he was there for me. I suppose that's a good sign!
Thanks for the hug

@lifegoes I'd need closure on this, so agree with Myold and would send a message along those lines - what a tosser. Was this Mr Humm?

@kerkyra You may be able to get some of the money back - have a look online at "virtual" in game purchases being bought by minors - they are not old enough to enter into a contract, nor confirm they have the card holder's permission to make the purchase.

@Lovemusic33 Hope you're feeling OK today and have some real life support.

@MyOldBrainStoppedWorking - I think you were well within your rights to send that reply. I can't see what POF would do about it other than tell him he should improve his introductory messages. You've obviously damaged his fragile male ego. Boo fucking hoo.

@Stuckandsad Sometimes circumstances mean that non resident parents end up living away from their kids. It would be more of a red flag to me if he lived in the same town and only saw his kids during the holidays. Try not to judge him yet - he may skype them several times a week and be as "present" as he can be without physically being with them.

Another 3 days until I see Mr C - longest week ever , I've actually got a countdown app on my phone . So glad he's a prolific messager and good at chatting on the phone, it makes all the difference when you can't see each other.

@StealthNinjaMum I am going to try to be more interesting in my messages.

Re the work situation - I work for a small organisation with no formal HR section. The bullying has been dealt with very poorly, as has the narcissist. I am the ultimate team player and nice person who always looks out for others and the flip side to this is that those above me know that I won't make a fuss about things. So I do sometimes get taken for granted or expected to put up with things that other people would refuse to accept. I am goi g to make it clear to my boss that I am not going to accept the status quo, but I am worried about the impact this has had on my self esteem and mental health. I don't really want to post a separate thread about this as sone details might be quite outing. I think I just needed to get it off my chest in a safe environment.

@JeSuisPrest yeah it was. He was great but I had a few doubt about him. Something never sat right. He apparently lost his phone one night. But then found it.

He was still on bumble when told me wasn't talking or dating others. - which he then sent screenshots to prove he wasn't.

It's just the whole goodnight sweetheart the night before then nothing that's threw me.

I guess really for me, do I need to hear the rejection or lies. As this is his character, this is the man he is.

What do I get out of hearing yes it's over. Or no don't be silly I thought you weren't interested.

Oh kerkyra sometimes you just want to feel someone's there for you, I know. Have another hug.

Lily I agree, try starting a thread here about the bullying. That's awful, you have my sympathies.

I can't remember who asked about Fab? When I was on there I was ruthless and replied to very few people. Had two lovely FWBs from there. You have to be incredibly discerning. Let's not forget that I met the fabulous Mr BC on there, we've been together for 12 weeks and I'm firmly on the smitten bench 😍 He's been amazingly helpful with all the shit I've got going on at the moment, practically and emotionally. He's a keeper

Lilyrose sorry to hear this

Just interested in how you know if someone's been 'active' on Bumble..?