Well done on signing up for the freedom programme, @Marlboroandmalbec34. It’s very difficult when you still have to coparent with an abusive ex. It sounds like you have a much better idea about where you are and what you currently need after your holiday.
I agree with the others @LooUpdate. Just tell him. You’ve had enough dates now that it’s reasonable to have a conversation where you explain that you like him, but need him to be as involved in suggesting and planning dates as you are.
I also agree with everyone else @Sunshineandflipflops. You know exactly what to do, and would be telling any of us to do the same. It’s not easy though, especially when you are getting something (albeit not enough) from MrSAS.
I didn’t sow any wild oats after the break up of my relationship. Tbh, I don’t think that would have been right for me (given the particular circumstances of that relationship). So I have to live vicariously through all of your oat sowing.
That said, without sowing any wild oats, I have had more sex in the last year than I think I did in the whole of a decade long relationship with my ex (willing or not). And certainly much, much better sex than my ex ever managed. 😂
It’s definitely possible to find someone great, who is willing to commit to you, and who you can’t keep your hands off (and vice versa). Not necessarily easy, but they are out there.