Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

Is this your first time on old @NestOfSwipers ?

@lifegoes Technically, yes! But I've been on various sites since May 2018 and lurking here since then. Dates with a whopping 8 men, one of whom was only to discuss our OLD woes, but he decided he liked me, but I didn't. Like him. I like me - mostly...

Haha I did wonder @NestOfSwipers I wouldn't worry so much about those who match - don't reply
Reply - but drift off
Numbers in general.

It's a numbers game and I often don't reply or even notice now who is matching and slinking off. The only time I start paying attention is when we've moved to WhatsApp.

It will drive you crazy if you start analysing all your matches and time they expire etc

@NestOfSwipers I haven't kept a tally of how many messages actually develop into a conversation but the ratio is very low. And even when we move onto Whatsapp there is a high drop-off rate. Mr Sailor has been dormant since last Friday but he was active on WhatsApp as recently as 14.30 today and is active on POF. And he contacted me first on POF! His first message was 'hello beautiful, how are you today'. I should have known really shouldn't I . A quick google showed me that he was 7 years older than he stated on his profile too.

There is no doubt that attractive intelligent women like us find it difficult to meet a man worthy of our attention, especially on OLD. I get lots of messages on POF but they are mainly from fat old men with dogs, many of whom can't string a sentence together and live a long way from me. Now there is nothing wrong with having a dog, but I have two neurotic and elderly cats and I tend to steer clear of men with dogs for that reason. Although one of my recent dates did have a dog (he was the one who seemed really into me and then messaged me just before our second date saying that he felt we had different lifestyles and aspirations).

I, for one, send daily thanks to Bumble. I matched, got a lovely paragraph of message and responded in kind and it's all gone smoothly from there.

I don't know about being in charge but does it protect you a little bit from what many women describe as a barrage of unwanted stupid messages ? You only have to look at @lifegoes experiences reported here via Tinder to know there's a lot you could potentially have to wade through. And then there's still the pressure to respond to a good initial message - did you not feel that @Crustaceans ?

I do sympathise that it's rubbish sending messages you've thought about and getting very little back though. Just out of interest how many do women receive that are not of the 'hi gorgeous' variety but that are of a reasonable quality from unfortunately unsuitable blokes, and how many of those do you respond to ? I was lucky if 1 in 10 of my non 'hi gorgeous' messages got a response, let alone a positive response.

Just had 4th date with Mr West. First three were a heady rush with loads of snogging, positive talking, optimism on his part. Today was a walk and drink in the pub, but wow what a difference in emotion. Couple of kisses and a bit of hand holding but mostly just walking separately. No plans made for next date, just felt like a totally different guy. Last time I saw him was Sunday which was a day at the beach which was really ‘hot’ and very cuddly etc. Don’t understand the change.....and feeling a bit down.

@HairyArsedMan if I open my POF app, so am shown as active on it, I get maybe 3 to 5 messages from unsuitable guys of the 'hello gorgeous' or 'nice pics' variety. So the number of messages I get really depends on how often I look at the app. I never reply to these messages now. I used to send a polite 'thank you' in the beginning, but got into some mind numbing conversations with men that I had no intention of ever meeting, so now I just ignore them.

I don't actually look at the app that often these days, but I can see 40 messages on my app, and I have replied to 4 of them and met two of them. I think the app only shows recent messages, and these are mostly received in the last two weeks. One was the guy who decided we were incompatible, and one was Mr 007. I do also have a date arranged with a third guy on Saturday, although I am not really feeling it. So from my stats you could say that I reply to 10% of the messages that I receive, and meet between 5 and 7.5% of the guys that contact me.

@Crustaceans I’m only doing the Sunday and we won’t be in the general admission area, so it shouldn’t be too bad mud wise, but the wellies will be in the rental car just incase.

Had a very nice day with MrNoName, we finally managed to watch Pikachu. It was pretty good, you wouldn’t need to be a pokemon fan to enjoy it either. Working in the evenings has been an absolute killer, I was working until almost two last night, I also haven’t had time do my insanity workouts or my weights. This morning when he arrived MrNoName pointed out how tired I looked 😂 we had a nap. So as much as it has been really nice having three daytimes together, it is too knackering to do, so next time I’ll stick to one day of working from home in the evening.

I better start cooking dinner, it’s a lazy one tonight, baked potatoes with leftover veg curry.

@HairyArsedMan totally agree, I've probably had a better outcome with bumble in speaking to decent guys than tinder. But it's just sifting through them. Experience has shown me where certain types of messages are going to lead and just to knock them on the head. But I'm still going strong on both bumble and tinder 💪🏼👊🏼

In answer to your question most of my conversations start out with hi gorgeous how are you, or thank you for swiping right on me. If A man comes in with a load of bullshit at the start or is a try hard it puts me off. If they make me laugh - on to a winner tho.

Conversations are always hard to start with a stranger irl or on OLD.

@LilyRose88 Thanks - so probably around my response rate. Meant to wish you luck with Mr007. Runners won't mess you about as they are generally too knackered to !

@shitwithsugaron every message I sent was bloody scintillating I don't care that much now, but at the time it was terrible. Really though I just took it on the chin. No one owed me a thing.

@HairyArsedMan yes but I bet your messages were much better than the ones I received! It is so depressing. I think I must attract a very boring type of man.

And thanks for your good wishes for my date with Mr 007. He used to be a sprinter when he was at school so he is very fast but has to really pace himself on long distances as he starts out too fast and then gets tired. Having said that his times for races are unbelievable compared to mine, so he is definitely impressive.

It's a good sign that you've compared race times already @LilyRose88

Good going @lifegoes - I don't think there's much wrong with thanking for the swipe. Or does that rank you as the dreaded 'nice' ?

@HairyArsedMan not at all. I'll reply to those and most tbh. Even if it's just to say hello, I know the first message is always hard and I've swiped right for a reason so always see how the rest of the convo goes.

The only ones I don't reply to are the ones that become obv they are going down the sex path.

POF I don't reply to a lot I'll be honest.

Photo #13 from Mr Photo bomber. Think Jack Nicholson in The Shining. I will pm it to anyone that asks. Some people shouldn't be let loose with Photoshop...

Ooh very curious indeed!

Nearly made me jump out of my skin when I saw the preview. This guy is 58. 58 going on 12... Why me?!!

@NestOfSwipers I feel I need to see this as I am poorly and need cheering up!

Urgh. Chatting with Mr WhatsApp all week...lovely...and today he’s mentioned falling in love with me... to clarify, we’ve never met. I think I’m out. May be being harsh but my eyes were rolling back in my head when I read that message.

@NestOfSwipers Glad to be of service in populating your profile. 😁. I’d love to see photo number 475 (which is probably what it feels like at this point).

@SimonJT I’m sure you’ll have a great time at Glastonbury. MrSG and I are going to a much smaller and less prestigious festival in a small town about 15 miles away on Saturday. 😂

I actually took DS2 to the cinema to see detective pikachu. I really liked it.

@HairyArsedMan I think there was more to work with in crafting my replies.

Despite sitting here on the chintzy sofa of smug stealth boasters, I really was quite crap at OLD. I got remarkably few matches and hardly any first messages. Clearly I don’t look like I’d be up for sex talk, because no one bothered with that. I tended to get ‘Hi’ without even the beautiful bit. 😂

MrSG’s successful first message in tinder was something like: ‘Hi. We appear to have matched. Would it be OK to start a conversation with you?’ (My reply: ‘I think you already have 😂’). Tbh, i found his ridiculously naive and over polite approach kind of adorable. And it wasn’t put on or anything. He’d only started using tinder and was just that naive (and is that polite).

So: you can get somewhere even with a less than amazing first message.

I bet you’re really glad you replied @shitwithsugaron. I love your super honest reply. 😁

Comparing race times, @LilyRose88? That’s sharing the important stuff (if you’re a runner). Slightly similarly, a new boy joined DS2’s swimming squad recently (he came from a much less competitive club) and the boys were aghast that he didn’t know his PBs off by heart. They all know their own, and each other’s. He knows his now. 😂

I sent a rather serious response and have heard no more. I’m sure I did the right thing; he seemed lovely but that was not what I wanted to hear.

I agree with @shitwithsugaron: run. Run fast.

And don’t even consider whether it’s going to be a PB. 😂

I think mentioning falling in love to someone you’ve never met is akin to admitting that actually you plan to murder them and bury them in your garden.

Just had a reply and, you’ll be amazed to hear, he’s back-pedalling furiously and totally agreeing with me.