Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@AverageGuy Yes it was called Pink Sofa.

Were there many single females at the club (asking for a friend )

lillyrose88 Thanks. I've suggested she join us here!

Tell your friend No, not many single females. One or two that I saw (like I say, I was VERY lucky!).

I suspect they are rarer than rocking horse poo, sprinkled with hens teeth, and stand little chance of going more than an hour without an unwanted approach...

Or possibly a wanted approach...

Oh my gosh another iron I’ll call Mr NHS has asked to meet. I feel a bit sick with the nerves...and nothing even arranged as yet.

Sorry for all the questions 😬 can you explain the etiquette of multiple dates to me? So Mr WhatsApp has been messaging lots daily, seems cute and funny. He’s also deleted his Bumble profile - not sure what that means. Mr NHS only messages sporadically and no attempt at small talk for nearly a week, just occasional messages on Bumble. Should I ask MrWhatsapp what he thinks re other dates/messages or is that too much too soon? and do I put all my eggs in one WhatsApp basket, or say yes to both even though Mr NHS doesn’t seem overly fussed, in case Mr WhatsApp turns out not to be The One?

FMFL Just find some time and go out for a coffee with someone, it will make you feel much better (even if you don't like them).

I went on my first ever date recently (about 3 threads ago) and apart from rampant anxiety beforehand, really quite enjoyed it.

PS Mr NHS is easily found on Google so can verify he is who he says he is; Mr WhatsApp not so much ...

@FMFL If you've not met either yet then I think it's fine to meet both and then make more of an informed decision. I don't think you need to mention any other dates to either of them at this point.

FMFL I think you may be overinvesting just a smidge, remember rule 4!

Do not tell dates about each other, down that path madness lies.

Someone's online presence means little, you wouldn't find anything about me except some work stuff, otherwise I don't exist. That said, Mr WhatsApp hasn't even agreed a time to meet yet and has told you he is off the apps, which seems way too intense, take care.

average thank you

@fmfl if Mr NHS is your second favourite choice go on a date with him otherwise nerves might ruin your date with Mr Whatsapp.

I had terrible dates with the first two guys I went out with I was so nervous. I liked the second man but I wasn't surprised he didn't want a third date with me as I had no idea how to flirt and I was really lacking in confidence, I really struggled to maintain eye contact and smile and normally I'm good at meeting new people.

Anyway the lessons I learnt from those dates meant that when I dated my third man I was much more flirtatious and now I think we're planning dates 11 and 12.

Thanks for the advice guys

I need to get the rules tattooed on my arm :(

It's just a learning curve. A big one! I'm still mentally kicking myself for cancelling with new guy, even though I know it's the sensible choice. I'm giving it a month and hoping he's still available by then; I don't think I want to see FWB much longer.

Well this afternoons date was good! He was just around same height as me (I wore flats) but to be honest as I'm tall I'm finding very few actually taller than me anyway 🤷‍♀️

He was better looking in person (and I liked his pics) and quite the character. I was very attracted and there may have been some ridiculous snogging on the car park at the end 🙈 we're planning on seeing each other again at the weekend. I shall name him MrBiker

@JeSuisPrest He likes cutie pie as it makes him feel younger than he is 😂

MrNoName and I tried to watch the pikachu film today, but became slightly distracted so missed most of it. I did feel sorry for him, when he arrived I said I wanted to talk about something, he thought I was going to say I wanted to have sex with him, but I asked him if he could get me a bit of software on the cheap for work 😂.

We did however discuss the possibility of FWB being demoted to BF and MrNoName not seeing anyone else to see how it goes. I’m still seeing FWB on Sunday (which MrNoName knows about), so I have warned him he might need to find another source of sex after the weekend 😂. MrNoNames back here tomorrow, I’m off to catch up on work now, I had forgotten how much it can drag when you work in the evening.

@FMFL it really depends on your own boundaries. I will date multiple people at the same time. I have in the last months been sleeping with up to three people concurrently. FWB is also sleeping with other people. With the guy that just dumped me, I had 'the chat' about potential seriousness after about three weeks and stopped seeing the others straight away. Picked back up with FWB and got back in the apps after said dumping.

@Neverexpected2 sounds lovely!

Thanks Elektra. I think my boundaries are probably far too rigid at the moment. I need to go with the flow a bit more. Mr WhatsApp is lovely but very very very keen, which is flattering but also s little worrying for me, not used to that at all. I’ll say yes to a coffee date with the other iron and see how I feel then.

@Sunshineandflipflops MrSAS is a Valentino

m.youtube.com/watch?v=P321QQV-jmw

@SimonJT Oh my Goodness, such a cutie! That video looks like great fun to shoot!

Yes, you're probably right about MrSAS but we're seeing each other later so what does that make me...? 🙄

Great fun if you’re not the teddy bear!

Mr Photobomber has asked for a date. Looking back over our messages, it's all about him. He even sent a photo of him as a child FFS... I know I've been moaning about not having dates but I don't think he'll be any better in person.

Nest is he just trying a bit too hard to impress? He might calm down once you've met.

I think @Ant might be right about him trying to impress. Might be worth a meet?

I am still chatting to Mr Psych but no date arranged or mentioned). He has a website so I've been able to do a bit of detective work on him! He's not usually what I'd go for looks-wise I don't think but I find his job and mind very interesting and he's big into music playing, listening and writing about) so we seem to have lots to talk about. We'll see.

What was the context for all the photos, @NestOfSwipers?

Before we met, MrSG and I had a really fun exchange of (embarrassing, old) photos over WhatsApp one evening. He was away with work and bored. He’d originally sent a selfie because his hair was different to all his tinder photos. But then we swapped lots of old photos and it was really lovely and fun. I think I was more than a little smitten after that, even though I hadn’t met him yet. I did say to a friend that if I fancied him and he was the same in real life as in messages, I’d almost certainly fall in love with him. And I did.

But the key thing there is that it was mutual photo swapping and a way of getting to know each other. It wasn’t a one sided deluge of ‘admire me’. That would have been off putting.

@FMFL I think it’s about figuring out what your boundaries are and sticking to them, rather than there being a ‘right’ approach to boundaries in OLD.

Some of the people on the thread are happy to multi-date and sleep with multiple people concurrently. Others are happy to multi-date until they’re going to sleep with someone (at which point they’ll expect to become exclusive). Others aren’t comfortable with multi-dating at all. None of the groups (or anything in between) are doing it wrong.

I just couldn’t do the multi-dating thing. I certainly wouldn’t have been willing to sleep with someone without exclusivity (although I only realise this in hindsight, as I never asked MrSG about other dates - I don’t think he went on any other dates at all). I endured the multi-chatting thing and had a couple of first and only dates in the same week. Then I matched with MrSG and I found I didn’t even want to keep talking to anyone else. That’s what worked with me and my boundaries (I have learned that I’m profoundly monogamous by nature), but it just wouldn’t be the right approach for loads of other people.

You just need to figure out what works for you in all this. And don’t feel that you need to do it my way, or anyone else’s.

It does make the whole dating thing harder though because you need to find someone you like who also has an approach that matches yours. As if OLD needed to have any extra complications.