Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

@NestOfSwipers how inconvenient would it be to meet your guy? He does sounds quite self absorbed but it might be nerves and he may actually just be trying too hard. Is he the lawyer or is this someone else? If his texts have been boring or badly worded I would probably give him a swerve, but if you think he might be interesting then maybe meet him for coffee or a quick drink.

It is difficult when there isn't much choice in the way of potential dates, but I did find that widening my search to include men that were younger than I would normally consider helped me a bit. Mr 007 is way outside my age criteria (as in much younger) but he turned out to be quite a sweet guy who has dated older women before and is happy to meet me again. Of course, who knows what lurks beneath the surface, but I decided that he is worth getting to know.

@Crustaceans ok, that makes sense, thank you. I’m very quickly working out that I’m definitely a monogamist even at this early stage. I will have to wait for a date or five with Mr WhatsApp to gauge his intentions, as it were. It’s overwhelming and I’m only a week in.

nest if it is all about him now,I'm not sure it is miraculously going to change when you meet.
Only saying this as looking back,Mr eyes ( who has since vanished into thin air) never actually asked me anything. I think I knew all about his work,family and hobbies and he didn't seem to ask about me.

Does Mr photobomber have kids or pets,something he has to be responsible for?

Looking back Mr eyes did me a favour. He said ' I fancy going to Bournemouth for the weekend,its going to be hot,let's do it.' Which sounds fun but it's a good couple of hours away and I have a dog to sort,which when I mentioned he replied ' oh,I forgot you have all these responsibilities'.
He did nothing wrong but wasn't for me ( a bit selfish).

Thanks for all your replies. It's interesting how his character so far can be seen in two very opposite ways. I could meet him, but I have a busy weekend ironically enough! He had a chance to ask me how I was yesterday when asking for a date. "Really muggy at work today. Would you like a drink sometime?" or words to that effect! And no, we didn't exchange photos while having a laugh about it, it was literally one after another. Of him or his hobby, with no context, no words.

@NestOfSwipers if you are not getting good vibes from him at this stage, and you are really busy with other things, I would say bin him off. He doesn't sounds like he would add value to your life!

I just couldn’t do the multi-dating thing

I did multi-dating to prevent obsession/putting one's eggs in one guy's basket. Then I found a guy I really like and the urge to multi-date dissipated.

never actually asked me anything

Huge narcissist red flag.

Update for me: Meeting Mr Shakes in 15 minutes (well, he's picking me up). It's date #5. I had "the chat" you all suggested re: him arranging next date - and he bloody well has! We're going to the arcade and then drinks & meal. He knows my tastes well. He even did a huge long day at work yesterday so he could have a good 6 hours with me today. Is it good/bad that I'm still nervous?

LooUpdate really pleased to hear he's stepped up with a bit of encouragement, have a great time!

Nest so is he just sending you photos with no accompanying words/explanation/banter?? That is a bit wierd 🤣

nest you are not alone in the one-sided information dance. Mr Data asked me just one question: what kind of dogs do you have? I pointed out that one of my three profile pics is of me with said dogs. At that point he asked me out. Is he dating me or the dogs 😂 , a question I’ve asked myself about several of my guys including my FWB. I just see it as part of the fun TBH. They are telling me (not deliberately) that they are not my soulmate, but there may be something about them that enhances my life, and vice versa

@LooUpdate have fun!

That is really weird behaviour, @NestOfSwipers. Even in a sense of you getting to know him (since he seems unconcerned about getting to know you) a stream of contextless photos of him and his life makes no sense. Did he just expect you to be so intrigued by his fascinating photos that you asked loads of questions, or were simply overwhelmed by his awesomeness? 😂

He’s either got zero social awareness or he’s an arsehole. Either way, he doesn’t sound like a viable prospect for you. I can’t believe he didn’t even ask how your day is.

That’s really wonderful news @LooUpdate. Good luck with the date he’s arranged. It’s great that he’s organised something that’s very you - unlike Mr Photobomb (above) he’s clearly been paying attention and getting to know you.

I think I might have been at the extreme end of multi-dating aversion. I just really didn’t like organising several dates at once or even chatting to multiple irons. But, equally, I don’t see how you’d ever get any dates at all if you didn’t do the multi-chat bit at all. You’d miss most of your matches entirely. So it’s a bit of a thing you just have to get on with, regardless how you feel.

I think, I’m just a bit boring (in dating terms) in comparison to most people on this thread (and in general). But I’d never want everyone else to be just like me - I love hearing about others adventures (less so the misadventure bits, because everyone on here deserves much better than that).

@Crustaceans yes the zero social awareness is exactly what I want to avoid. He even sent me a photo of him as a boy. Well, I assume it was. 😂

That is so weird. A childhood photo needs introduction and context.

MrSG and I swapped embarrassing photos (including some childhood ones) because it was funny and a mutual exchange. And it happened in the context of lots of discussion about each other and our lives/interests.

He’d probably have been totally perplexed if I just sent him a childhood photo of me out of the blue.

🤣

I’m trying to imagine receiving a random childhood photo of an OLD iron. You just think, ‘WTF?’

I assume that’s what you did. 😂

Yes!! was my face I must admit!!

Plus a few photos that were on his profile anyway. Just in case I missed them first time around perhaps...

@Nest totally weird. But nothing surprises me on OLD anymore!

Well he has to assume that you’re too stupid to have seen them on his profile. It’s just too difficult to flick through some photos. 🙄

He'll be a mansplainer, won't he? 🤔 😂

nest that is so odd!
I have swapped old/ funny pics but as part of a convo but that just sounds strange.

I don’t think I have given a proper update recently on my (mis)adventures.
Here goes....
Had a first date with Mr Tennis on Friday. He was a lot older than he said (but didn’t look it) not sure if I was attracted to him but gosh we had a laugh. Pub, drank, played board games and fooled around but didn’t dtd. We just shared so many dating stories and have agreed if nothing more we will be friends. Met him for coffee on Sunday and told him all about how I’m not sure if ready for dating etc and about Mr Big. He is in a similar place. So I have a new friend which is great!

Last week I saw Mr Big (fwb who I have the feels for) we went on a pub crawl and for dinner it was great

This weekend I am seeing Mr Big and Ms Cutie for a 3way and might hit a swingers club 🙈

BUT big reveal.....I told Mr Big I might have feels, he has implied it could be mutual but then changed the subject. He goes hot and cold all the time. I know it’s not going anywhere but I don’t wanna give him up yet

Ah feck it. I am a grown women having a great laugh and lots of good sex so am just gonna go with it

Still on a swipe break though. cannot handle much more 😂

And now I am worried I might have outed myself 😂

Marlborough wow it sounds like you have been having fun, and have some more fun planned!

NestOfSwipers some guys on POF attach their profile photos when they contact me for some reason, but I haven't had any photos through WhastApp, not even rude ones. I have found that some guys are really bad at asking questions - often the ones who don't work in a very social environment. But they tend to be pretty weird when you meet them so I prefer to have a fairly decent chat with guys first. Mr Sailor is pretty boring in his Whatsapp messages - lots of hello beautiful type messages but nothing much else. I did try to expand the conversation by asking him what he thought were the important qualities of a good sailor, but only got a short reply back, and nothing since. No questions about what I do, either for work or for play. I have decided to let him just wither on the vine as he clearly isn't that interested in me and I have other options at the moment.

I am very bad at multi dating but I do multi message as so few messages turn into actual dates. I now have a bit of a dilemma as I am seeing Mr 007 on Friday and have bumped the other potential iron (Mr Retired) to Saturday. I really like Mr 007 but if I hadn't met him I would have been happy to go on a date with Mr Retired. And Friday might be awful (second dates often show up the horrors in my experience) so I don't want to completely dump Mr Retired.

In other news I have located a dress in my wardrobe which is quite flattering and am road testing a pair of shoes today to see if I can wear them on Friday's date instead of my comfy trainers which I have lived in since I hurt my ankle. I had a session with a rehabilitation person trainer on Monday and she seemed somewhat sceptical that I will be back running in the near future. She muttered something about two or three months, which sounded worrying. She proved her point though by getting me to do some drills, and I fell over .

Hello all, can I please join? Have lurked for a little while but always been 'too busy' or 'not interested' in dating.

Then my friend set me up a 'my single friend' account

She's just handed over the reins and I'm pursuing, saw someone who was a good fit but you have to pay to message and it's extortionate to sign up!

Wondering if there's a general consensus on which apps are worth paying for?