Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

LilyRose I could discuss this topic for ages but it would take the thread well off track.
But it boils down to what are the potential consequences if your boss doesn't tackle the issue? If you leave will the narcissist stop? No of course they won't, they'll just move on to the next person. So lose one or lose many?
If your boss is concerned about being accused of unfair dismissal or discrimination, then engage an external employment law firm to ensure that doesn't happen or if it does there are no grounds.

Sorry back to dating, surprise surprise I'm going out with MissHair again tonight, she's staying over and our LH delivery has arrived, woohoo🤣

Hello peeps, trying to catch up on thread!

@Sunshineandflipflops sounds like MrSAS has tested the water and realises you were the best prospect after all

@Ant330 @HairyArsedMan great news about your ladies and how it seems to be going so well and stress free

@LilyRose88 sorry to hear about work situation, I hate office politics, definitely something I don't miss. However sounds like your boss can see you are in the right so in my book, that's what counts. Try not to consider leaving unless you have an amazing job to head to.

All ok with me, went with FWB for a minor op he was having and took him home to look after him. Unfortunately all was messed up by drunk ex who started calling wanting to speak to the children (who were being looked after by a family member). He clearly wanted to catch me out because he can't understand how I don't want to leave them with him (when he may get drunk) so was waiting to pick a fight. Felt mentally exhausted and wonder whether it's worth looking for anyone at all because my ex will continue to make life hard inadvertently. FWB has been great but honestly, who wants to spend time with someone who has this drama in their life!

I agree with the more recent posts too, @Auba14. It sounds to me that you are giving and giving and giving and it’s not being reciprocated. Indeed, she’s treating you dreadfully.

Stress really isn’t an excuse for saying the things she is and treating you this way. You have clearly been patient and incredibly forgiving, but she actually just doesn’t sound all that nice from your description of her behaviour.

I think, at only 4 months in, you are still only really getting to know someone. Even if you’re head over heels in love, it’s still quite early days. But, equally, it’s established enough that people aren’t able to hide who they are any longer so you will start to see the more undesirable traits in a partner. So it may be that this is actually who she is (rather than some kind of changeling).

It’s hard because you obviously do care so much and there clearly is a lot of stress in her life. I think my advice would be to pull back a bit and redraw your boundaries. Go back to your sport and make it clear to her what kind of communication and behaviour you are not willing to accept. If she can’t (or won’t) respond appropriately to that, then it may be that she’s actually not who you believed she was.

Auba that sounds really rough. I would worry that if its 'known' that she turns on others when upset, and has done it to you so early, that she might be very difficult to live with as a long term prospect.

@LilyRose88 Your work situation sounds very tricky indeed. How are the prospects for moving on to a better working environment?

@Sunshineandflipflops I do really worry that you’re just going to get round 2 of headfuckery and messing around from MrSAS. I’d be very tempted to tell him he needs to decide: he either wants you and is willing to do it properly or he can just fuck off and stop messing you around.

Someone posted a video about something like the vortex of mindfuckery on one of these threads a while ago. I think you’ve got yourself a classic mindfucker in MrSAS.

@Crustaceans I know what the answer would be though

Yes.

The thing is, he’ll just keep doing this if you let him. And you deserve so much more.

I'm on holiday but following!

@sunshineandfliplops the bullying was dealt with by someone higher up and dealt with very badly. The outcome was that I was moved sideways and the bully stayed where they were! I totally agree about the Equality Act but people can get very nervous and the narcissist has already threatened a complaint when she was told off for a certain behaviour. The outcome was that she was promoted .

Sadly I just have to accept that nothing will change and ride it out. I have limited the time I spend in the office and am actively avoiding the narcissist wherever possible. I even plan my annual leave to maximise the time I spend away from them.

Urgh I just had an ugly cry over being dumped yesterday

Annoyed at myself as I want to feel he isn't worth it. I had been getting a bit unhappy over the past couple of weeks with the lack of seeing him and had been planning on having a make or break conversation soon anyway. He wasn't very open about his feelings and I found it difficult to open up to him in response which is not me usually. I just really liked him though.

Ah elektra even an ugly cry is good for letting the boohoos out! It’s always, always painful and everyone is different as to how they cope. The best advice I can give is no contact, remove all trace, keep busy 💐

Elektra being dumped is horrible, even if you have been unhappy with how things are going. Be kind to yourself and try to do something nice like go out for coffee and cake or have a nice bubble bath. Or maybe do something active like go for a run or go to the gym.

That sucks elektra and aub I think this lady, lovely as she may be sounds a bit of a drain. We all get busy and stressed but it's not great to turn nasty when times are tough xx
First Date with Mrplumber tonight! He seems such a sweet heart and looks wise is just my type. Am doing lots of pampering and looking very unglamorous now while I whiten my teeth 🙈

I have been date hunting and now have two dates planned for Sunday (afternoon and evening) and one planned for next Friday. Surely one of them must be decent.....

Just need to try to tone up a bit as I have let myself go since I hurt my foot. Off to a gym class tonight (some kind of ballet class) and will do a gym workout tomorrow morning. Oh and off to the Zara sale in my local big town tomorrow afternoon for some flattering clothes in a more generous size than those currently taunting me from my wardrobe . I even had to buy some new jeans last week and discovered that Sainsbury's jeans are surprisingly generously sized.

Haha lilyrose I'm the same. Hurt my shoulder so feeling a bit jiggly after missed gym sessions. Am dress size 'stretchy leggings' atm!

I went to the gym yesterday and felt better after. Did a yoga class and felt worse after - thats when I started crying. Barely eaten but going to run a bubble bath and put clean sheets on the bed. May clean the house if I feel up to it. I'm just so fucking sad. I know it will pass before too long.

Good luck for dates this weekend. I don't know how I'll feel about mine on Sunday but its better than sitting at home.

I have no intention of contacting him. There would be no point and I'd just make myself look desperate. And I'm not desperate as there are many more people out there to meet.

@Auba14 do you know how her previous relationships ended? Perhaps she always behaves like this under pressure. I wonder if she is perhaps aware she does this but not able to control it in the moment. (I know I was awful to exh when I had post natal depression but just couldn't stop myself).

Personally I think I would write a letter with minimal words - because it sounds like she'll just misinterpret them - saying you love her but you being around isn't helping so you'd like to give her space to process what's happening and to work out how to get back on track. Then I'd see what she comes back with.

@shitwithsugaron does he know you're all loved up?

But at least your messages have been to tell
him you're not interested.

Well I’ve spent the say at the seaside so I’m knackered, but the good news is so is my son, so it’s an early night for him.

My son survived last night, he woke up at about 10pm and wouldn’t settle so I went home a little bit early. I also survived! MrNoName got to experience what my friends call my ‘predator’ face 😂 which he thankfully also survived.

I have to meet my ex tomorrow to close our joint accounts, fun times.

I hope any dates this weekend go well.