Dating thread 162: (Don't wanna be) All by myself...

[Sunshineandflipflops]

The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread?watched=1

I’ve explained I don’t feel ready to meet yet, he seemed ok with this. To be honest it was a massive thing for me to even put myself on dating websites, never mind actually meet someone. The horror!

Perhaps I’m not ready for any of this? I am feeling a bit guilty about messaging some other potential matches on Bumble... this cannot be a healthy sign. I don’t even know this guy, I certainly don’t owe him anything, so why am I feeling overwhelmed by it all? Sorry for the stream of consciousness rambling. No one to talk to IRL.

@FMFL the first time you ever have a first date is the worst one. I was so nervous, but after that any first dates aren't as bad, if that makes sense. You maybe better just going for it and getting it out the way! Totally get where your coming from x

@FMFL I was the same with messaging others and feeling guilty, again you get used to it and normal! Some stop messaging others when they match and others have lots of conversations going on. Don't worry, keep calm!x

@Lillyrose19 that’s really reassuring, thank you. I have been known to overthink, looks like I’m doing it again .

FMFL get yourself on a date with Mr Whatsapp don't spend weeks chatting to him and building up a relationship, you need to meet face to face. I know it's difficult I had my first date last week and was nervous as hell I haven't dated for over 20 years lol

You think? Oh god I came out in hives when he mentioned meeting...terrifying.

Definitely, I felt exactly the same but the longer you spend chatting the harder it will be! Just organise it for fri/sat then it's done with and you can both look forward to your hot date x

Oh my god, love the confidence, this is exactly what I need to build up!

FMFL you can do it!! A quick day time coffee to ease you in. Or perhaps what I did last week,a game of pool in a nice pub ! I pretend I'm pretty hopeless at it and the dates I've been on like the idea of teaching me!! Theres no awkward silences and plenty of laughs

Lol I have no confidence what so ever but I just thought you know what sod it, it's time to have some fun lol what's the worse that could happen! And nothing will happen if you don't organise to meet him, go for it he seems keen to meet you x

One first date last year,I had to do a food shop and had little time. So he met me in aldi carpark!! We both had a trolley and whizzed around,then went for a drink. Had a great laugh. I didn't fancy him though 😒 I think I'm a bit strange actually?!

OMG loving the Aldi date, I'm always on the look out in the supermarket for potential guys while I'm out shopping but never found one

When I go I to waitrose's for my weekly yum yum (doughnut thing) I really do scan the aisles 😃

I was wondering how important it is to have a partner who shares the same hobbies. I suppose it works if you're not living together and can do you own thing? Date was shocked I go to footy matches on my own and am off to London loads to wander about and go to shows. He goes to the gym most days and I haven't for twenty years. If I get the date at the weekend,I'll name him

Love the supermarket date too! Fab idea 🤣

Such creative ideas! Love it.

Mr FWB and I met a couple of hours after matching, because it was the only date that worked for us. It meant I had zero time to feel nervous, and went in the same clothes I was wearing that day (comfortable and cute), bar a bit of makeup and hair fixing. It was really good for me to jump in so quickly like that, because I'm a terrible over thinker with this sort of thing. What to wear, what to say, blah blah. Don't spend too long thinking, just go!

FMFL I agree with what's been said, I found it all quite daunting to begin with, couldn't get my head round instigating multiple 'chats', and the thought of my first 1st date was nerve wracking but actually once you take the bull by the horns it's exciting. Just have fun with it.
Lifegoes I know it sounds simplistic but clearly the blokes a dick and (I know you're not planning contact but) the likelihood is that even if he explained his behaviour it still wouldn't make sense to a person like you, because decent people just don't behave like that.
I think that's why it's so hard to understand because you just wouldn't do that to someone, so take heart from that because you're right and he isn't
Kerkyra good luck on getting your money back. I was amazed I did as it was my fault by giving him my password, so fingers crossed for you!

So I’m just back from my first date in 17 years, I have no one I want to tell so I’m going to write about it on here, hope that’s ok?!
We’ve been WhatsApp chatting daily for 2 weeks and both booked a day off work today (as my children were also out). I spent the morning deciding whether to panic or not, but followed the advice I got on here to treat it like meeting a friend - thank you for that! I got my nails done and bought a new top as a confidence boost and we met up at 3 - had a coffee then went for a drink and wander round town then more drinks and food. It was surprisingly fun and I was less nervous than I expected. He said he wanted to kiss me in the pub and I felt about 16 and went all awkward. I didn’t feel an immediate spark, but was more attracted to him the more we talked. Objectively, we have some things in common and some major differences, but he understands that we’re at very different places in the dating world. He messaged about two minutes after I left to say he felt all smiley and had a lovely time. Phew - first date done! No idea where it goes now, but I enjoyed the experience so far 😂

Just wanted to send hugs to life just to echo others and say I don't think you'll get a rational explanation as whichever way you look at it his behaviour has been irrational. I have had ex irons and even my exh behave disrespectfully in the past and have never had explanations for their behaviour 5 years on still don't understand why me exh left me after 13 years🤷‍♀️

Strikethrough fail!

Well done in good first date not!

Thank you both @Ant330 and @CocoKoko123 you are both right I won't ever know. It's just not right st all

MissHair has just been round for dinner. Respectable night tonight just dinner, chatting and snogging. It was lovely again! Talked about a couple of festivals/gigs over the summer which is the first time we've discussed anything more than a week away, and maybe even a few days overseas
I'm childfree tomorrow as my son is going for a sleepover at a mates (which whilst I'm disappointed he's not with me I'm pleased about after his recent issues) so we're going out again with some other friends of mine.
In the last 7 days I will have seen her on 6 of them, bit worried we might overdo it or get bored of each other, but when I said I didn't mind if she saw her friends instead she said she'd rather be with me, so it would appear not! 🤣

Well done Not sounds like a very good 1st date!

Date tomorrow and Monday with Mr Greedy FWB, first date with Mr Data (yes I suspect he IS as dull as that sounds) on Sunday, second date with Mr Courteous on Wednesday. Sex holiday planned with Mr Mad FWB in September if I haven’t found The One by then. This is knackering and i know I should give up the FWBs but they are the only way in which my life is enhanced at the moment so I’m sticking with them. I think. Gah.

lifegoes I would pay good money for an off button for feelings, sorry you’re going through this but keep posting.