Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner of 10 years gone back in time??

135 replies

Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 09:46

Il keep this short.

Partner of 10 years has completely gone back in time age wise. He’s acting like a 20 year old hanging out with 20 year old boys and girls whilst I’m at home with our newborn and 6 year old. He has also met up with a 19 year old girl and took her out in his car (nothing happened apparently) he is 35 btw! He goes out most nights until 3am with these young boys and girls driving around in his car and basically it seems like he would prefer to hang out with 19 year old girls and boys rather than me and his family.

What do I do? Stick it out and hope it’s just a phase or leave?

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/06/2019 09:47

Leave.
You don't want this to be your life. You and your children deserve better.

Happyspud · 17/06/2019 09:48

Leave. You will find out quickly if he is going to change and if he isn’t, you’ll have saved yourself the pain of finding out and wasting more of your life with him.

rritchie44 · 17/06/2019 09:54

Where did he meet these teenagers? Our until 3am most nights is totally irresponsible how does he manage work? Have you confronted him about this?

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 09:55

He says he’s just having fun and having a laugh and not doing anything wrong (his brother passed away 2 years ago and he has been struggling since) he says that these people make him laugh and he’s got confidence that he’s never had before? And he says that I’m keeping him on a lead when I try to talk to him about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 09:58

He met them on Instagram ... I have confronted him about it and he says he isn’t doing anything wrong and is just having fun and he is self employed and is the main money maker which makes things even harder for me. @rritchie44

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 17/06/2019 10:01

But he thinks it's okay for you to be stuck at home looking after the children? Where is your freedom?
I'm sorry OP but he is a knob. Parents don't have the luxury of doing exactly what they want because children don't take care of themselves.
I bet this kids are judging him as the sad old fucker who ought to have grown up - that's what I used to think about 35 year olds who were trying to recapture their youth, when I was 19!

Orchidflower1 · 17/06/2019 10:03

Is he taking anything with his sociable new young mates?

Sorry to ask op but it’s very odd behaviour if he wasn’t previously like that.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:03

I agree! But unfortunately he has a lot of money and the young crowd he is hanging around with love this because he has nice cars and it’s a car gang he hangs out with so they worship the ground he walks on it sounds like and the girls seem to be pretty into his image too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:05

@Orchidflower1 no he isn’t he is quite anti drugs and alcohol but his brother died 2 years ago and maybe that has something to do with his behaviour and this new life of his ... like he’s trying to forget and be this new person and try to be happy again?

OP posts:
spritesobright · 17/06/2019 10:16

Sounds like a classic midlife crisis brought on by his recent bereavement and the new baby. Contrary to belief, these can happen in the 30s or younger.
Driving a 19 year old around in his car rings major alarm bells. He is really at risk of an affair right now.

I think the best (only) thing you can do is impose boundaries and decide what you will personally put up with.

My STBXH went through this last year. Slightly different manifestation (he had a new close female friend who became OW).
Looking back I'm not sure I could have done anything differently except stand up for myself better and insist he pulls his weight.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's utterly baffling and soul destroying.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:25

@spritesobright yes I think your right about the midlife crisis ... he has completely changed since these big life events have happened in his life and he is a completely different man. He says he isn’t interested in any other women and he is just being friendly and chatting and having fun and having a laugh. It’s not fair on me to be treated this way when Iv been the only one there for him, he doesn’t have a big family and doesn’t have any close friends and if it wasn’t for me and the kids he would literally only have his mum and dad and his new found teenage Instagram friends. I’m not sure what to do anymore as I would be taking my children from there comfortable home with huge bedrooms and a huge back garden to live at my grandmas house as I have no where else to go and don’t have the money for my own home.

OP posts:
EyesOpenWide · 17/06/2019 10:28

He sounds predatory... a 35 year old man meeting teenagers via Instagram and taking them out for 3am drives in his car. Hmm

TheStuffedPenguin · 17/06/2019 10:29

Is he taking anything with his sociable new young mates?

Maybe that is what is giving him his "confidence" ...

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:31

Instagram is a way of meeting people man and woman, basically he meets both men and woman and they are all car fanatics and so is he so that’s why he takes them out in his car because he has a very nice car apparently

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:32

@TheStuffedPenguin no I can almost be 100% sure that he isn’t ... he’s very anti drug and alcohol we both are

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/06/2019 10:32

Are you married to this man?.

I would not want to be staying with someone who makes you an option rather than a priority.

Mysleepthiefslept · 17/06/2019 10:34

How bizarre, what car does he have? Confused

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:36

@AttilaTheMeerkat no we are engaged and have been together for 10 years. He’s 35 and I’m 27. He has 2 Porsche GT3.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:37

@Mysleepthiefslept he has 2 Porsche GT3

OP posts:
soberken · 17/06/2019 10:39

Most bizarre thing I've ever read. What a catch

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 17/06/2019 10:40

How would he feel if you found young new Insta mates, and left him with the kids while you bombed around til 3am with a 19 year old man in your car? Ask him that.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:43

I have asked him how he would feel if I did that and he agrees with me but says that he is not doing any wrong and that it is making him happy Confused

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/06/2019 10:43

And he met you when you were 17 and also when you had no life experience behind you either. Oh bloody hell.

And you're still engaged to him?. Engaged means nothing legally speaking either and you have two children (also with his surname no doubt) by him. You are up the creek here without a paddle whilst he prats about with these youngsters.

I sincerely hope you are named or either this property in terms of a mortgage and/or title deeds.

imablackstarnotapopstar · 17/06/2019 10:43

How strange! Well huge bedrooms and a huge garden are meaningless really aren't they? Why should you put up with it? Tell him he is free to do as he wishes but it'll be difficult to pimp his ride when he has the children on his own for contact at weekends won't it?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/06/2019 10:45

So if this makes him happy then he thinks its okay then.

He is a truly selfish individual who cares only for the company of these Instagram people rather than the family unit which he also created at home.

Swipe left for the next trending thread