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Original poster

Partner of 10 years gone back in time??

135 replies

Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 09:46

Il keep this short.

Partner of 10 years has completely gone back in time age wise. He’s acting like a 20 year old hanging out with 20 year old boys and girls whilst I’m at home with our newborn and 6 year old. He has also met up with a 19 year old girl and took her out in his car (nothing happened apparently) he is 35 btw! He goes out most nights until 3am with these young boys and girls driving around in his car and basically it seems like he would prefer to hang out with 19 year old girls and boys rather than me and his family.

What do I do? Stick it out and hope it’s just a phase or leave?

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 17/06/2019 14:22

Uh huh.
He's so worried about bad stuff happening to his kids that ... he's making sure bad stuff happens to his kids.

🤨🤨🤨

Well, I'm convinced, how about you?

PicsInRed · 17/06/2019 14:23

He just sounds like a self obsessed bellend.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 14:51

Basically he’s trying to shut them out so he doesn’t have any worries because he has become completly anxious over them and doesn’t see life the same anymore after his brother died?

OP posts:
fecketyfeck21 · 17/06/2019 14:51

twinkle he's removing himself from family life and making 2 young dc the scape goats for this stupid behaviour, utter bastard.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 14:55

I have asked him to see a therapist or a psychiatrist about his feelings but he says that he won’t see anyone as it will not change how he feels about how shit life has become because he sees the world for what it really is Confused and he says there is nothing good in this world, people get hurt, people die, children get hurt, the lost goes on but I told him that his way of thinking isn’t normal and he needs to see someone and he laughs at me and says what is normal?

OP posts:
Millie2018 · 17/06/2019 14:56

It’s pretty normal to feel anxious about something bad happening to your children. What’s not normal is driving around in your car until 3 am with random girls. You need to give him a deadline by which he needs to change his behaviour and mean it. That way at least you know you have given him a decent chance.
Oh and try to get him into some sort of therapy to talk about what happened to his brother.

Quartz2208 · 17/06/2019 14:56

Not the way you are living OP at all

Truthfully given there has always been a power imbalance what was the relationship like before this?

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 17/06/2019 14:58

So he dicks about in his car until 3am putting his children in danger of becoming fatherless? Face facts, OP, he is just a selfish twat.

MidsomerBurgers · 17/06/2019 15:02

If you spoke to his family about how he is behaving would they support you?

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 15:03

He admits that he’s selfish and he says that things won’t change but he says that he still here but he’s not being the best dad he can be because he’s anxious and worried about being a dad basically he says that he doesn’t want the worry and the upset and the stress and nothing is going to change his way of thinking and he point blank refuses any outside help

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 17/06/2019 15:03

At that age we would've seen straight through a 35 year old man like that. I bet they're laughing at him behind his back.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 15:04

@MidsomerBurgers yeah I have spoke to his family and I think they would support me as they know that how he is behaving is wrong and that he needs some sort of help but obviously I cannot force him to therapy

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 15:05

@YouJustDoYou I really hope so I really hope so x

OP posts:
QueenOfTheCroneAge · 17/06/2019 15:06

So he's made his position crystal clear OP. He doesn't want to stop his teenage shenanigans, regardless of the effect on you or his DC.

What are you going to do armed with that info?

Figgygal · 17/06/2019 15:08

God i used to carry on like that with my friends driving around in cars when I was 18 but then I grew up

He has responsibilities and is being so unfair it's not true he knows he's in the wrong but isn't willing to do anything to change and you have to pick up the pieces nah sorry

PicsInRed · 17/06/2019 15:10

OP, it sounds like he's having an affair and using his brother's death, the kids and his "feelings" 🥺 💩 as a convenient excuse.

Funny how these guys always have so much regard for their own feelings and happiness but couldn't give a shit about those of the people they're supposedly so tortured over (i.e. the kids). He's playing you and he doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 15:22

The hardest thing about all of this is that he hasn’t always been like this he used to be a ‘normal dad’ but things have completly changed and he looks at the world so negatively and he thinks it’s normal and he thinks that people who don’t view the world like he does are ‘sheep’ apparently

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 17/06/2019 15:28

He's always been like this, it just suited him to rub along with family life, previously. Now it suits him not to.

He suits himself.
Because he's a self obsessed bellend.

tuxedocatsintophats · 17/06/2019 15:47

They only hang around with him for the same reason you do.
Money and lifestyle he can afford.

Yep. NONE of it is yours, OP. NONE. 'A legal team', my arse. You are entitled to nothing. He can ask you to leave and out you go! You were young and fell for the biggest sham going, giving up your earning potential to be a hanger on to an unmarried boyfriend. You are young enough, however, to turn things around and become your own independent person, or you can stay and make excuses for his bellend behaviour because you like the trappings of something that doesn't belong to you and then be 35 on Universal Credit when he finally chucks you out for another teenager but it doesn't change the fact that you're living in denial and your life with him is an illusion he can snap his fingers and make vanish at his leisure. The best you can hope for it child maintenance but 'self-employed', yeah, don't count on too much of that, either.

You've been sold a false bill of goods, whether or not you want to keep investing your time and self into this Ponzi scheme, however, is your call, but just make no mistake: none of this belongs to you.

tuxedocatsintophats · 17/06/2019 15:49

As for therapy and 'help' he's right, it won't change him because there's no cure for being a twat, which is what he is.

Ravingstarfish · 17/06/2019 17:09

Are you sure he’s not taking drugs? Changes in personality and thinking others are sheep, thinking negatively etc can all be abused by drugs. I know you say he’s against them but you also say he used to be a normal bloke and not a creepy guy driving teenagers about at 3am

Ravingstarfish · 17/06/2019 17:10

*be caused by drugs

ThatCurlyGirl · 17/06/2019 17:24

OP I doubt they worship him, they're probably cringing that someone is happy to be their free taxi and are playing nice to get him to do them favourites.

I'd say to him that he's convinced you that it's fun so you'll join him sometime next week. You don't actually need to be willing to go and leave your baby alone - don't worry, he won't go through with bringing you along! Just a quick way of him showing his true colours.

ThatCurlyGirl · 17/06/2019 17:26

Oh and I would bet a fair amount of money he's using drugs.

Those hours combined with normal day to day life was impossible for me to maintain until I developed a serious coke problem in my twenties.

Thank fuck I'm clean now but his lifestyle, selfishness and cockiness (I'm having fun, big deal) screams of a coke habit.

Not calling him an addict but as I say I'd wager lots of cash on him using. In which case he absolutely should not be driving at all, under the influence. Good luck OP.

Drogosnextwife · 17/06/2019 17:54

It's a pitty your not married and haven't got your name on the house.