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Original poster

Partner of 10 years gone back in time??

135 replies

Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 09:46

Il keep this short.

Partner of 10 years has completely gone back in time age wise. He’s acting like a 20 year old hanging out with 20 year old boys and girls whilst I’m at home with our newborn and 6 year old. He has also met up with a 19 year old girl and took her out in his car (nothing happened apparently) he is 35 btw! He goes out most nights until 3am with these young boys and girls driving around in his car and basically it seems like he would prefer to hang out with 19 year old girls and boys rather than me and his family.

What do I do? Stick it out and hope it’s just a phase or leave?

OP posts:
Benes · 17/06/2019 10:46

Do you work? I think you need to be making sure you're financially secure.

His behaviour isn't acceptable. I've been through some pretty tough times but i've never felt the need to hang out with 19 year olds and drive around in my car at all hours. He has children and needs to step up to his responsibilities.

If he doesn't or isn't willing to then i think you need to consider your future.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:47

@AttilaTheMeerkat no unfortunately i am not a named person on the house ... the house we live in is his home not mine ... that is why I’m finding all this so difficult because he is the main money maker and I have a part time job which doesn’t earn me enough money to live properly and own my own home which is why I would have to move in with my grandma if I left. @imablackstarnotapopstar if i left for good I don’t think he would even see the kids I think he would just run away and bury his head in the sand and try to forget about us ....

OP posts:
fecketyfeck21 · 17/06/2019 10:48

these kids are in it for the money and the car, they would probably see him as a complete sad old git if he had neither.
when you are 18 /19 everyone over the age of 25 is waaay decrepit

Benes · 17/06/2019 10:50

if i left for good I don’t think he would even see the kids I think he would just run away and bury his head in the sand and try to forget about us ....

That's really sad. Your poor kids.

QueenOfTheCroneAge · 17/06/2019 10:50

You have literally nothing solid then. Everything is in his name. Be guided by the wise women here and try to secure your future without him in it except for CMS and child visitation.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/06/2019 10:51

Oh goodness, it just gets worse and worse. You do realise that he is well within his rights to ask both you and his children to leave if he felt like doing so.

He is still financially responsible for his children (he has no such obligations to you) so I would pursue a maintenance claim for both.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:53

@AttilaTheMeerkat yes I’m fully aware of that but I do have family who I can move in with until I get on my feet if anything like that did happen but i have asked him so many times if he wants to explore other woman, if he wants to go out any party and basically be a 20 year old again without me around and he swears that he doesn’t want anyone else and he is just having fun with his friends

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 10:56

@Benes yes I do work part time but I am on maternity leave at the moment however my job doesn’t earn me enough money for me to buy a house or even rent on

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 17/06/2019 10:56

Keeping these unsociable hours is he still able to work a full day?

fecketyfeck21 · 17/06/2019 11:01

leave the twat, he's going to get dropped like a hot potato when money runs out, the car is wrecked or a new lad arrives on the block with a better car.
you and your dc deserve so much better than this. he's going to say he wants to stay with you, you are like his mum, keeping house and not complaining too much while he's out acting like a twat.
get yourself organised and move out to your parents whilst you deal with the future stuff, contact, maintainence etc.
nothing has happened with the 19 year old girl ? 'no, of course not mum i'm a good boy, i'll just sneak her home when you are out or not looking then perhaps i'll boot you out and move her in'

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 11:04

@fecketyfeck21 your right, it’s just I’m still holding onto that glimmer of hope that hes going to wake up and want his family again, it’s just heart breaking for my 5 year old because she loves her dad and I don’t want this to affect her life by unsettling her and moving her from her home I don’t want to be selfish.

OP posts:
Blondieg · 17/06/2019 11:04

Is it possible for you to get a babysitter and hang out with them all one night, see what it's all about?

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 11:05

@letsdolunch321 he’s self employed so he’s basically

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 11:06

@Blondieg I have thought about that but our youngest is only 3 months old and he is breastfed and I feel it’s just too young to leave him with anyone at the moment

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 17/06/2019 11:06

Hang on, he goes out and drives about the street with teenagers in his car every night till 3am, while you stay at home with the kids? He is massively taking the piss OP. How do you put up with that? Does he do anything at all for you and the kids?
Sound like he enjoys the attention of younger women and the hero worship of younger me and it sounds creepy and pathetic.
Do you believe him when he says he isn't interested in these teenage girls, or when he says he isn't doing drugs? I don't think I would believe that.

Jellybeansincognito · 17/06/2019 11:07

He had a 19yo girl in the car alone? So essentially he is disrespecting you because he loves to amp up his own ego?

I’ve also been with my husband for 10 years and I’m 28 and him 37, I wouldn’t tolerate this shit and would feel very concerned if he started doing this.

Orchidflower1 · 17/06/2019 11:07

I think I’d say the car goes or I go- it’s not a family car anyway.

ems137 · 17/06/2019 11:10

My DH has gone through a similar "stage" as your DP. He didn't hang around with young girls but did start hanging around with 21 year olds when he was late 30s. He loved being the one with the best car and motorbike and the most money it must have made him feel good at something?!

I told him straight that he just looked sad and pathetic and that he had a baby and toddler at home and he was taking the piss. I told him if he wanted to hang around with kids acting like a young single man then he should actually be a single man. However, he wasn't young and would never be carefree as he would have to pay for, and look after his kids during his free time.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 11:10

@Drogosnextwife @Jellybeansincognito yes he has suffered from very very low self esteem issues over the years I have known him and all the attention he gets from guys and girls boosts his ego and makes him feel good as he doesn’t feel good about himself without that, the crowed he’s hanginf out with are very young and they think he’s a cool rich guy with nice cars and that image makes my partner feel good about himself.

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 17/06/2019 11:11

What an arse he is. He doesn't realise he is about to lose the very best things in his life. Does he do anything at home or with the children?

I think for your self esteem you need to leave him to his younger mates and go move in with your family.

Just up and go. See how long it takes him to notice you are gone and not returning. That alone will tell you how much he wants to be with you.

Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 11:12

@ems137 yes that sounds exactly what I’m going through right now. I have told my partner how pathetic he looks and he doesn’t seem to care ... what happened in the end with you and your partner?

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkletoesxoxo · 17/06/2019 11:13

@Apolloanddaphne but I can’t just leave what about my children’s toys and clothes and everything.

OP posts:
Jellybeansincognito · 17/06/2019 11:15

That doesn’t make his behaviour ok, he cannot justify this with having low self esteem. It is not normal as a functional adult with children to start hanging around with barely adults in cars until 3am just for an ego boost.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/06/2019 11:16

Take what they need in terms of toys/clothes and leave the rest behind.

Get the paperwork together. You need important paperwork like their birth certificates in relation to them.

Apolloanddaphne · 17/06/2019 11:17

Take your stuff with you. Do you drive and have access to a car? If not do you have friends/family with a car? How far away does your grandma live? Can you get a taxi there? Start planning now.

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