still shaking - hve discoverd my instinct about the other woman was right

[hatingtoberight]

Dh work colleague - I've had bad vibes abouther since day one. Iknew somethign ws brewing. I have just seen an email exhcnage between them from last night - she has obvioulsy had anr 'emotional outburst' with him yesterday and now he knows how she feels abouthim. Oh God - I so didn't want this to be right. They have to work together - how are they goign to do this? What on earth doI do next? sit by and watch it develop and hop e he sees sense? declare my hand and that I ws looking at his email? If i tell him I'm onto them - it won't necesarily stop it - it wil just be better covered up. He's been so nice recently - of COURSe he bloody has!

Tell your BIL to feck off somewhere else!

In fact, call in sick and go and see your husband at work...maybe at lunch time.

You can't stew over this all day, you'll mke yourself ill.

Don't get upset, get angry. The CD thing sounds small, but if he is putting her before you, TELL HIM you know why.

I told him straight away that I knew about them!! I was heartbroken...totally destroyed...still feeling it now, this only happened weekend before last He about this time last year and moved in with this woman. Couple of months later he decided he'd made a hug mistake and wanted to make our marriage work. I stupidly gave it another go, but then found the emails and realised that he's recently been in contact with her It's awful...you name it I feel it...however, he got a second chance he won't get a third!

Sorry, don't mean to put the fear of god into you, I'm sure you're situation is nearly that bad...but just wanted to let you know that I understand exactly how you feel.

Please tell him you know...obi is right, you have every right to feel how you do..you mustn't feel bad...he's the one in the wrong, not you and you have to remember that.

Speak to him xx

Yes, take a day off sick...no doubt you're reeling bless you

What was his reply to her? Do you know? Have you seen it?

Stay off work. How much will you be able to do today anyway? Take the kids wherever they are due to go. Ring him and ask him to meet you at lunch time if not earlier - tell him it's an emergency. Don't go in guns blazing but let him know that you are worried and upset. Tell him that you saw the e-mails - it's hardly a crime since they are'nt exactly hidden. The fact that he might be contemplating an affair is what matters - not the fact that you read the messages. Then see what he says. You need to trust him - you don't atm. That had to be addressed asap.

Call the other woman at work. Tell her you know what she is up to and that you have a copy of her emails (make out you have copies of others) and that, if she doesn't back off right now, you will take the matter higher in the company.

Threaten her job and she may back off. If dh asks what you were doing, just tell him you were protecting your family.

But how can she take it higher freckle? Having a (potential) affair with a work colleague isn't a disciplinary offence is it? I really think first port of call is DH. He is an adult, not a child.

Don't call the other woman, no no no!!!

It will give her a chance to play the innocent victim.

No, do what Orm says, and be very calm and factual.

Depends on whether the emails have been sent from a works computer. Conducting a potential affair from work is not acceptable.

And I don't know how she can play the innocent victim when the OP has copies of her emails which show she is anything but.

Certainly she needs to speak to her dh, but showing the OW that she is aware and is prepared to fight is a strong move. Depends on how strong the attraction is for this woman. If she's just looking for a light-hearted affair with a married man, then warning her off at this stage would probably work. If not, then at least she knows the gloves are off.

is there anyway you could raise it with him without mentioning the emails or sounding like a paranoid woman?

a - you don't want to deflect attention from the issue with the 'what are you doing looking at my emails' arguments.

b - erm, you might want to look at them again?

i hope it all works out and is just a silly office flirtation.

Him taking a CD in for her isn't dodgy. The fact he didn't say he was doing that is what's dodgy ...

Call him now
tell him you know and that he is to come home immediately or you will come to his office and cause a scene

Find out what has been going on
Try and find out why he feels the need to do this
If necessary book some relationship counselling
Insist he cuts all ties with this woman and tells her that he is happily married or whatever and that he is not interested in her

oh and cancel whatever plans you have for tonight
some things more important

You cannot ignore this you havre to discuss it with your dh not in a confrontational way but I'd suggest in a "I'm really worried about us, something is not right "sort of way and be honest with him, tell him your vibes about this girl tell him how your vibes were so strong it lead you to doing something you've never done before- look at his emails and what you found has scared you!

Please get this out in the open. My dh had an affair with a work colleague 3 years ago. It nearly killed us- we are still together and now he can look back and see just what a fool he was. He sees men in work situations "flirting" and he cringes because he knows just how dangerous it can be. It starts off as just chatty emails about work related stuff then gradually it gets more familiar and then before he realises the next step , crossing the line is just a little step!
It sounds as though your dh is just at the over familiar email stage but at the very least he is playing with fire!

For me - my instincts told me something was not right-unfortunately I put it down to him about to be made redundant-and when it all came out oh how the pieces slotted into place.Believe me prevention is so much better than cure- try to tackle thisin a "please listen to my fears and don't get mad " sort of way- if you attack he'll clam up and probably lie. If you can be honest and show him how you are truely worried for your relationship and what that means to you he may just get the kick up the backside he needs. the likely hood for him is that it has never even occured to him that his relationship with her may be seen as inappropriate.

Please believe me (having gone through the agony of an affair) tackling him about this must be done otherwise it festers inside you and turns your relationship sour. Good luck.

NQC - no, the CD isn't dodgy, but the OP asked him to leave it for her to put on her Ipod and he still took it in.

god, what a nightmare. I'm sorry this is happening to you - I'd be FURIOUS and I think you have every right to be.

I agree with Countess. Get this sorted. You might not need to cancel your plans - a holiday might be what you need - but get things out in the open before you go.

It sounds like he's just flattered by the attention but it's a rocky road.

I'd also e-mail the other woman with her e-mails attached telling her you will forward this onto her boss/work colleagues unless she backs off.

Seriously
you have evidence that something has been going on (doesn't have to be physical for him to be unfaithful you know)

She has now moved it up a level. He is clearly responding. If you don't do something now it may be too late.

Don't worry about him being angry about you snooping. You only snooped because he gave you reason to and you have been vindicated. What were you meant to do, stand by while your marriage is destroyed?

He will be angry at first
He will deny deny deny
You will need to be strong and fight for your marriage
He will need to realise that he has to fight for it too (this may take some time looking at other situtations on here)

I seriously wouldn't email the woman

What if he started it? You have no idea what has been going on. If he did and she is vindictive she could make big trouble for him at work

no, it's got to be up to him. Don't involve her - he has to be the one that tells her he's not interested. After all, he's still going to be working with her.

Am with Countess here.

And bil can babysit tonight

HI am writing from work - not doen that before. I am bowled over with all you r messages. You are right I am finding it very difficult to concentretae. I ahev made copies of teh emails. I have made a note of her husbands phone numbers - he has his own business so it wsa esay to get them from teh internet.
They are together today running a course together - how bloody cosy. They wokr eery closely together. I hate her .

So call him
tell him to come home now
who cares if he is running a course
If I thought my dh was in this position I would NOT be at work while they canoodled together