still shaking - hve discoverd my instinct about the other woman was right

[hatingtoberight]

Dh work colleague - I've had bad vibes abouther since day one. Iknew somethign ws brewing. I have just seen an email exhcnage between them from last night - she has obvioulsy had anr 'emotional outburst' with him yesterday and now he knows how she feels abouthim. Oh God - I so didn't want this to be right. They have to work together - how are they goign to do this? What on earth doI do next? sit by and watch it develop and hop e he sees sense? declare my hand and that I ws looking at his email? If i tell him I'm onto them - it won't necesarily stop it - it wil just be better covered up. He's been so nice recently - of COURSe he bloody has!

He could be innocent in this - worried about her feelings. What did the emails imply from him?

htbr-What sort of things has your DH been putting in the e mails?

You say yourself it was the home computer and not password protected so he would know you could access his messages at anytime.

It may be he is trying to sort this out himself without upsetting you.

if i were you i would give him a few days to tell her he's not interested.

Don't tell him you've seen the emails, knowledge is power and you can carry on checking his mail for a few more days to see how it develops. If you tell him you know now, he may just deny everything and then be more secretive - and you might never find out the truth.

He MAY turn out to be faithful after all. I would give it till Thurs / Fri before you say anything.

Hard to keep strong I know, been there and I know how you must be feeling.

yes-he could be innocent. I really wnt to give himthe benefit of the doubt - I'm sure he's flatterd. She ahs treid so very hard in her emails- it's very needy. I hate the way though he ahs been chatting about our weeknd together - she even mentions my son by name whic really got me goign.

He has been ultra nice to me recently - maybe he wants me to save him. Maybe it's a test - if I'm not nice back then he will feel it's ok to enjoy himself with her - i don't know.. I am sorely tempted to leave it one more evening to se how their cosy day went together. It 's the only insight I have.

I would liek to say here how mcuh I appreciate all of your support - I've seen MN work for oters like this - but until it happens to you , you don't realise what a godsend it is.

very wise

will give him time to get rid of her if he doesn't want it thus avoiding heartache and proving his fidelity

And you time to collect evidence if he doesn't so he can't worm out of it and pretend nothing has happened

I would monitor his emails/texts as closely as you can

StarrySN - yes she is married with children. I have his phone numbers - Inow have hers too - just in case. Makes me feel better in a sad way.

Cd- That will be my plan. It so very hard knowing even as I write this that they ar together.

It must be
you poor thing

yes, maybe check his emails tomorrow like you say re their 'cosy' day together

although personally I would be saying something as I would combust and could not keep it in!

I am very close to combusting - really. I really ahve to try and pretend everythign is normal.
I jsut want to screm at him 'I know waht she's like - I was right and you wouldn't listen to me'

I think from a weird stalkery point of view that knowledge is wisdom and access to the email is essential till you know what is going on.

I would like to think I could be mature (cold?!) enough to hold it together for a couple of days and see what happens but I doubt I could.

I don't like the kisses after his replies....

on the plus side - I appear to have lost abour 5 pounds in weight in the last week.

It's not funny though.

What you dont want to do is to "push" the two of them closer together where they feel the need to start conspiring, so it is them against you....

no quite
you need to make sure he ends it with her and she is totally clear that nothing will ever happen

It is going to be hard if they work together closely. You may have to insist he leaves. Having her dh's phone no may be useful in this situation...

htbr-have you noticed him putting kisses on e mails before to anyone else?

I know some people do it without thinking after their name.

no he's definitley not a kiss sign-off perosn. Nor has he ever used the word 'Nite' or 'laters' before...he is now!

BLEURGH

oh vom

he sounds like a lovesick teenager

(have emailed you btw)

Does he put kisses on email to you?

oh shit - have jsut checked - no he doesn't.

Oh this isn't getting any better is it?

Bugger.

Sorry.

Do you put them to him?

I put them on emails to DH.

I get "Yours sincerely, DH" back. I hope because it's his email signature file...

Honey you are right knowledge is power and if this pans out in the wronng way use that knowledge down the line (I did I got into her life to get her out of mine- however mine situation was by then a full on affair where dh was not waking up)BUT what you really want is HER out of your marriage out of your dh "head" attacking her at this stage before you've spoken to dh I fear will have the opposite effect. It will bring them closer together it will drive a wedge between you and dh- the triangle never works what you need to do is try close down not open up the lines of communication with her.

I know exactly how you feel- fit to burst but honey please try not to make this a war (until it has to be- if at all)it is still you and your dh verses the world- get hin on your side , make him see your pain let him explain. The ripples of pain that go out from an affair are so far reaching and so painful I'd urge you not to send them out until you are sure- you can get very quickly to the point where what's said is so destructive you can never come back from it.

Talk to your dh, be honest, tell him you are scared for "you" let him see how this looks to you and why you are feeling so worried.....don't fill the gaps in yourself until you've got more information- he's not your enemy he's your best friend and lover -but he is human and a man!!!!!!!!!

lol ayt yours sinceerely
i get nowt

Do you mind me asking what age is your DH?

Could it just be a mid life crisis thing?

My DH is 46 and have noticed a change since he started working with a younger lad and been bringing home cd's of the latest bands and generally wanting to keep up with the times as if he is starting to feel old.

Is she younger than him do you know?

great post from maturer

I get nowt ethier,just one or two word answers to my e mails which really annoys me.