Overreacting to feel unsafe?

[TryingToLearn]

NC and can't talk to friends about this.

Bf has a terrible relationship with ex, who took their child to a different country. Bf spoke with ex's fiancé last night after being denied speaking to the child (as per a court order)...bf threatened fiancé. He told him he's going to cut him with a rusty knife, that they should meet early and called him all the names under the sun.
Bf then told me he's going to cut in places people can see, that he'll be unrecognisable and said some other things in relation to what would happen to this guy.

Bf told me he had some violent history, but I wasn't sure whether it was true, he's never hit me.

Am I overreacting feeling apprehensive about this? I know it is wrong to threaten someone, although bf is incredibly angry and in utter despair over situation with ex and their child, however is there ever an excuse to do such things?

Uh...his ex took the child to another country and a court order prevents your BF from speaking to his child?

I'd say you are underreacting - yes people lose their temper or get heated but he's making some horrific and very specific threats. Whether he would actually carry that out is by the by - seems he is showing exactly why a court has said he can't speak with his child directly.

He's also told you about a violent history - what sort of things are we talking about?

Hi Cookie
The court order is in place to ensure contact, not prevent, sorry I didn't write that very well. And ex and her fiancé have prevented this, breaching the court order, over things such as extra curricular activities.
He was in a football gang.

The best spin is that he is a bullshitting arsehole who thinks threatening violence is how he should get his way. That is way beyond acceptable or healthy behaviour.

The reason you feel unsafe is because you think he could do it.

He’s a poor excuse for a human being. Move on.

So you boyfriend threatened to cut his exs partner up?

Then went into some detail?

Yeah, I wouldn't be letting him speak to my child either. Leaving the country with the child was probably the best option.

Follow suit and get away from this man.

I suggest you use Claire's Law

The court order involves extra curricular activities, in another country?

Are you sure?

Ok. So he's furious that they are breaching a contact order?

I can understand the fury - but the threats are beyond the pale. I don't think there is any excuse for that sort of threatening behaviour, plus it's pretty short-sighted, surely they will then take those threats as an example of why they have breached the order?

He was in a football gang? When was this?

This is not normal.
If he'd have said after, OMG I threatened to cut him, that was so stupid of me but I was so angry. Then I could understand a bit....
But he then went into great detail.
I agree with a PP. Ask police about Clare's Law.
Run away from this one.
THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Sorry, I really haven't written the OP very well as I don't want to be ousted.

Bf Ex took their daughter to a different country. Ex spent thousands in lawyers to get contact in place which now includes over the phone and direct visits. Over the phone contact is where the problem is as daughter is often doing other things or the call doesn't go ahead at all or is very late.

I'm kind of not sure it's it's true. he tells me he acts as though people are watching to prevent anything being used against him with regards to not being able to see child. I feel this is quite out of character in some ways. He and fiancé have had name calling run ins before, but not this bad.

Very nasty things being said by ex's fiancee. Even if not meant, what on earth would put words like that into someone's mouth, or even such thoughts in their head? It's nightmarish stuff.

So his daughter isnt available for the calls, sometimes due to activities? Is that what you are saying?

Surely a decent dad would be fine with that and just arrange a call at another time? Not threaten to cut someone up.

We all get angry. Threatening what he did, considering his violent passed is disgusting.

If my exh threatened dp like that, I would call the police myself. But we are all in the same country.

I hope they recorded it. Then they can show to a court what the issue is.

Yes I’d be concerned- I also think the mother taking their child to another country would speak volumes

Wow. This man is showing you who he is. When you make him angry, how will he behave? What will he threaten? OP I think you need to get out safely now. Can you do that?

He doesn't sound like someone I'd want having contact with my child. He sounds dangerous and aggressive.

I don't feel he will harm me, I almost feel he is too intelligent for that, he's more ... Sly maybe. That's why I'm really concerned about what was said last night, and then said to me, that's why I'm not sure if it's all true, or maybe I heard wrong or can't remember properly.

And also very surprised police haven't been In touch. Given that his ex and her fiancé have children together and are quite middle class types (not that any class deserves this or wouldnt be alert to such things, I'm just telling this story) I would have thought such behaviour would have been reported straight away.

Football gang was many years ago well before I knew him, and he's told me he's done some vigilante 'stuff'.

I think people can easily say things in anger that they don’t really mean. However the fact that you’re worried about it and you feel he is sly raises alarm bells.

I would be very concerned about that. How long have you been with him?

You seem to be very keen to minimise and excuse his behaviour OP. You sounds confused and unsure of yourself. His behaviour is not normal. I've been furious with both my exP and my ex husband for equally (but different) heinous actions that caused my a lot of grief, heartache, financial loss and affected my mental health. I've been incredibly angry because of their actions. Not once has it occurred to me to threaten to cut them up with a knife and if I did, I would rightfully expect to be reported to the police for harassment and threats of violence.
He's shown you who he is OP. Believe him.

I'd be leaving him. Disgusting things to say

4 years on and off.. despite my intuition and judgement at times

He sounds violent and paranoid.
Does he have mental health or alcohol/ substance abuse problems??

Anyway, run for the fucking hills. He sounds a nightmare and quite unhinged.

This is your warning, OP.

Ignore it (and get pregnant) at your peril.

Holy fuck!! Do you really need help to see the gigantic huge red flag that's flapping right in front of your face?! I'm surprised you can see anything else, it's massive.

Your boyfriend's phone calls with his daughter are no longer your concern. Your absolute number 1 and only priority is to get out and away from him safely. That is it. Nothing else.

He has a violent history. Generally. Bin him off.